Runaway
by Mylastwishh
Summary: A young girls escapes to Forks to escape her traumatic past. Will Dr Cullen be able to treat her just like any other patient?
1. Chapter 1

**Josh's POV**

"Patient in exam room 3, Josh. Dr Cullen's asked you to take care of this one." I was quickly snapped out of my unconscious state, lifting my head off of the coffee table and looking up to the young nurse, Lucy who was looking sternly down at me.

"Sure, sure. Exam room 5 – got it." I muttered back, stretching my arms behind my head and wiping the sleep from my eyes before getting up to pour my cold coffee down the drain.  
"Room three. Shall we walk and talk?" she corrected, giving me a somewhat sympathetic smile as I brushed my hands through my nest of hair, attempting to destroy the evidence of my mid-afternoon nap.

Med school could never have prepared me for what was to follow, no matter how many clinical hours I had clocked up shadowing attending physicians or days I had spent on the children's wards, usually mopping up vomit or cleaning bed sheets. Nobody could have prepared me for that constant worry in the back of my mind; the thought that I am now responsible for someone's _life_. Neither could it have prepared me for the evening's I had spent lying awake all night, desperately trying to get rid of the images of what I had witnessed in the ER from my mind. Yesterday had been one of those nights.  
One thing they always try to tell you when you qualify is that you should never take your work home with you, which is most definitely easier said than done.

Some days I regret my choice of speciality.  
_'Paediatrics is the hardest of them all, you must be tough'_ my tutor had told me at med school, never fully understanding what I would be getting myself into. In order to succeed in what I do, you have to forget about the parents screaming from behind the curtain whilst you're slamming your whole body weight down on the tender ribcage of a 6 year old child one hundred times a minute. You just have to attempt to block it out and do all that's in your power to get that kid's heart to _start bloody beating again, _even if you know most the time it's not possible.

Carlisle, the attending, had always been good to me. Gosh, there were many many times as an intern I thought I had made the totally wrong career choice – but Carlisle somehow always understood me, and maybe wrongly always managed to convince me to get back up and carry on. Sure, he pushes me, but now in my second year of residency, I think I may be getting to grips with the fact that I am qualified, and I am capable of saving lives on my own. I walked with Lucy down the corridor, attempting to focus in on what she was telling me despite how foggy my head felt.

"—small facial laceration, but we were mainly worried about the shortness of breath. She's complained of chest pain, but hasn't gone into much more detail than that. She's soaking wet and in rags of clothes, but won't let any of us touch her. She's so scared, bless her." I caught onto her saying, and I allowed myself a moment to digest it.

"Wait, what? How old?" I asked, watching Lucy's eyes roll as she noticed I had only caught on halfway through her handover.  
"She's given no personal information so we can't find her on the system, but I'm guessing probably twelve or thirteen. A student from Fork's High found her on his way to school tucked away at a bus stop and drove her here. He reckons she was there a few days." Lucy explained and I nodded along, skim reading through the handover sheet with the brief notes jotted down on it. It certainly seemed the girl wasn't much of a talker, judging by the lack of information they had managed to get out of her.  
"Okay, thank you. I can handle it from here." I replied as we suddenly halted at room three. I gave Lucy a quick smile and a nod, before giving the door a light knock and entering.

It was dark as I entered, but I could make out that something small was curled up on itself on the examination table. Automatically as a reflex I clicked the two light switches, but was taken by surprise at the whimpers I heard when they flicked on. The little girl on the table suddenly reached her hand out to cover her eyes, groaning rather loudly.  
"I'm sorry sweetheart, I didn't realise you didn't like that." I tried to soothe the poor kid who had hidden her head with both arms now, hiding herself away from the light.  
"I'm sorry." I repeated, turning one of the switches back off as quickly as I could. I wasn't sure if it was an anonymity thing, or whether her eyes were actually sensitive to the light, but gathered it was probably a bit of both judging by the black eye and laceration across her cheek he had managed to get a glimpse of. It didn't take an ophthalmologist to see that it must have caused some damage.

"My name's Dr Rose, I'm one of the doctors here. You can call me Josh… What's your name?" I introduced in a hushed tone. I was well aware of how tall I was, and even more so aware of how intimidating that could be to children, so kept a careful distance away from her. I paused for a moment waiting to see whether she would speak, but there was no response.  
"Can you tell me why you came here today, sweetheart?" I asked gently. Of course I knew the symptoms she was presenting based on what had already been noted, but I was always keen to hear it from the patient for myself. It had been a skill Carlisle had taught me from my very first day, to make my own notes and draw conclusions of my own rather than relying on what had already been noted by nurses who were usually rushed and only noticed the basic details of the patients condition. I watched the girl slowly recoil her hands from her face, and tilt her head to face me. Her eyes scanned me up and down before focusing for a long while on my eyes, perhaps trying to gather whether she could trust me or not or whether she recognised me. I was taken back when her lips parted slightly as if to speak.  
"Hurts. Everything is h-hurting…_b-bad_", she croaked out and her eyes very quickly began to fill with tears. My heart broke for the little one, who clearly desperately needed some pain relief – something we could only give her if she told us more. However, my attention was drawn to her scarily rapid breathing and the blue tinge to her lips, a symptom which always triggered alarm bells to me. Blue lips meant lack of oxygen, and lack of oxygen well, ultimately leads to death. Her skin was clammy too, and her hands seemed to be tremoring uncontrollably which could indicate hypoglycaemia. She was presenting more and more symptoms, and I started to feel out of my depth.

"How about your chest? Is there pain there?" I continued to probe, watching her forehead screw up and her eyes turn confused. I wasn't exactly sure what I had said for her to react in such a way, but I could only assume the kid hadn't understood the question.  
"Does it hurt here when you breathe?" I attempted to explain, gesturing towards my thorax. Her eyes were fixed on my chest for a while with a look of concentration before her eyes met mine again and she nodded slowly.  
"Now, could I have a listen to your chest?" I asked, approaching her slowly, my hand hovering to the stethoscope round my neck.  
"_Huh?_" She squeaked back in response, edging away from me rather suddenly with her eyes wide and fearful. It became clear to me the kid had probably never had a routine physical exam before judging by the way she stared at my stethoscope like it was some sort of torture device.  
"You've never seen one of these? It's called a stethoscope... It let's me listen to your heart, which is quite cool really, don't you think?" I smiled at her, holding the instrument towards her for her approval. She looked up at me as if I had two heads. "Here, do you want to try it on me?" I chuckled, edging towards her slightly and hovering the ear buds towards her. She reluctantly let me place the buds into her ears.  
"Good girl. You look just like a doctor" I chuckled again, breathing a somewhat sigh of relief as I saw her lips form a small smile. I had found something that she responded positively to - praise. I took the bell of the stethoscope and placed it on my chest on top of my shirt, watching her eyes widen in what I hoped was excitement. I held the bell still there for a good couple of minutes, before reaching over to remove the buds from her ears.

"Can I try it with you now, sweetheart? I will need you to take your top off for me, as pretty as it is. I can't get a good sound otherwise" I asked, watching her think it through. She began to squirm uncomfortably, curling back into the ball I had originally found her in._  
__Oh crap_ I thought to myself as she soon began to sob, protectively wrapping her arms around her knees.  
"Sweetheart, it's really important I have a listen. You're in pain and I want to make that better" I attempted to explain, but she cried louder wedging herself into the corner of the room as far from me as possible.

Despite how much I wanted to persevere, I was running out of time and she desperately needed to be examined. There was no chance she would let me touch her after my request for her to take her shirt off, but she didn't seem to trust any of the nurses either as Lucy had implied. Her breathing was becoming even more rapid, and she rubbed her fingers together as if losing sensation.

"Here, this will help." I said in almost a whisper, reaching out for the oxygen mask from the wall. She jerked her body away from me as soon as I neared her with the mask, even reaching out to push me away with one hand. Her touch on my arm was unintentionally gentle as she attempted to protect herself, and I realised then just how weak she was. But I carried on, using some force to attach the mask to her face. She may have thought I was trying to hurt her now, but the oxygen would soon make her feel better and she would realise I'm just trying to help.  
"It's okay, it's okay. It's just extra air to help you breathe... I'm sorry I had to force that on you" I whispered sadly, my voice breaking mid sentence.

"I'll be back in a couple of minutes." I managed to choke out, leaving the room and crouching down on the floor with my head in my hands. I didn't understand why the girl had affected me so much; perhaps because I ultimately knew what was hiding under her clothes. I had no doubt she had been through some kind of trauma, and had attempted to run away from it. I'd never seen an abuse case before, and knew in myself I wasn't comfortable enough to cope on my own.


	2. Chapter 2

**Carlisle's POV**

Hours upon hours I'd spend in this cramped office filling out piles of paperwork for what seemed an eternity. Despite the hefty _and unnecessary_ pay rise, stepping up as head of the emergency department was certainly a decision I had regretted, not because of the extra responsibilities, but because of the contact time with patients that had been taken away from me. After all, the patients were the reason I became a doctor, not for the money. Having so much to juggle at one time meant that I was never able to devote enough time as I would have liked to my patients, and I constantly worried that my standards would slip and I'd miss a vital detail in a diagnosis. I am a self-confessed perfectionist in that respect, but as a doctor you can be nothing less than meticulous. I guess that is probably why I have always volunteered to be a mentor to the interns fresh out of med school, in hope that some of my extreme diligence will have rubbed off on them by the time they finish their residency.

I was interrupted from writing my patient report from a knock on the door, and I was thankful for the excuse to take a break from my work load. I could tell it was Josh before he had even entered - if it were any of the nurses, they would have simply barged in without knocking. Anyone who had worked with me more than a couple years knew I was far too much of a pushover to care.  
The young man hovered for a while at the door, his eyes facing the floor as if trying to find the words to say. Josh was never one to admit he needed help unless he was quite desperate, always wanting to solve things on his own and accepting every case I gave him as a challenge. He had always reminded me of my young self in many respects; excessively hard working, ambitious but sensitive - and usually overly so. There was a fine line in medicine between caring, and perhaps caring _too much_. Josh certainly suffered from the latter.  
"I need your help on this one, Carlisle." He outright admitted to me after a small pause, his eyes meeting mine. I was glad he had come to me for help, but at the same time slightly anxious as to why he seemed so on edge. I didn't want to make him talk, seeing the clear worry in his eyes, so I outreached my hand to take the patients file from him and quickly scanned through the notes he had taken.  
"I'm trying to help her, but she's uncooperative. I've scared her half to death already." He began to explain as if defending himself, and I was quick to stand up to reassure him. "Hey, it's okay. I'll take over - why don't you take your break?" I suggested softly, but he was quick to object.  
"No, I can't just give up on my patient." Josh explained, and I gave a sympathetic smile before giving the patient file another look over as we started to walk towards room three.

I gave a quick tap on the door before entering and I almost tiptoed in, careful not to scare the young patient who stared wide eyed at the door.  
"Hello." I paused. "I'm Carlisle." I introduced in a whisper, whilst Josh pressed himself up against the wall keeping as far away from her as possible. "What is your name?" I asked, still in a whisper, but the girl remained mute. My eyes drifted to the oxygen mask she was clutching towards her chest, and she flinched when I looked back towards her.  
"I-I-'m s-sorry." The little girl stammered, her eyes flicking towards Josh this time. I assumed she was referring to the mask Josh had given her which she must have quite quickly taken off when he had left.  
"Hey, that's okay. Those things aren't very stylish or very comfortable are they. I don't blame you for taking it off." I replied with a reassuring smile, taking a few steps closer to her in an attempt to gradually earn her trust.  
"You must be very cold. How about I get you a towel for that wet hair of yours, and we get you changed out of those clothes?" I suggested, well aware that it was a shot in the dark if she'd let me or not.  
However, one thing I'd learnt from my experience in paediatrics was that a child's hierarchy of needs was much different to an adults. An adult's most basic needs were physiological - to essentially be able to breathe, sleep, eat, have sex and ultimately be healthy. However, safety needs usually came before these physiological needs in children. They wanted warmth, shelter and security. Children can surprisingly tolerate pain and sickness far more than adults, but crave comfort far more than anything.  
After a long pause, to my surprise the girl looked up at me with an expression finally other than fear. "please," she muttered, barely loud enough for a human to hear. I gave a nod towards Josh hoping he'd take the hint and wander off to find her some clean clothes.

He was back within a couple minutes with a bundle of white towels, and he handed them over to me without making eye contact with the girl, perhaps trying his best not to scare her any more than he had already. The girl jumped back as soon as she heard his footsteps though, lifting her arms in front of her face as if to defend herself. No matter how hard Josh tried not to scare her, he was a tall man and she probably couldn't help but find him intimidating. I hoped Josh wouldn't take it personally.  
"Thank you." I muttered to Josh, as he left once again to find some much needed clothes for her. I unfolded one of towels, holding it out in my hands and looking towards the little one for her approval. Her bright blue eyes widened a little at the sight of the towels but she made no objections, which I could only assume meant she didn't mind me approaching her with it. "Still warm. He must have got them straight out the tumble dryer," I commented, standing up and perching on the end of the table she was sat up on. "How about we get your hair dry first?" I suggested, and she paused for a moment before untucking her knees from her chest and twisting her body round so her back faced me without any protest. She groaned a little as she moved, her face all screwed up as her hands clutched at her chest. "Good girl. You're doing really well," I praised her with a sympathetic smile, knowing how much each and every movement must have hurt her. After softly pulling at the hair from its hair tie and letting it drape down her back, I gently began to wrap the towel round each section of hair and squeezed the water from it before proceeding to rub the towel against her scalp. I tried to prolong it for as long as possible as she seemed to enjoy it judging by the content sleepy look on her face, her eyelids drifting shut for a few seconds at a time before drifting back back open again. Once I had managed to get most of the moisture out of it, I combed my fingers through the long hair attempting to separate some of the many clumps of knots. The layers underneath were a matted mess which I didn't even try to fix, knowing Alice could do a much better job than me in much less time. Instead of spending hours attempting to brush it, I managed to separate it out into three strands and began to plait it in the same way Renesmee had always insisted I had styled hers on many school mornings - the only hair style I had ever managed to learn over the years. I secured the end of the plait with her hair tie and let it drape down her back where it was long enough to reach her tailbone.

"Thank you, mister," the little one whispered to me, slowly twisting her body back around with the same low pitched groaning as before. I placed a hand on her shoulder to support her as she moved and lifted the oxygen mask to her face hoping she would be sensible and take a few breaths from it. Once she settled in her original position, my attention turned to the window where I stared for a long while. She was shy and I didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable by initiating a conversation whilst waiting for Josh to come back with the clothes.  
"w-why-" the girl began to ask, but stopped mid-sentence and shook the question away .  
"No no, go on," I quickly responded, leaning forward slightly in encouragement causing her to fidget in her seat and her wheezing to get a little louder. I automatically began to feel guilty for causing her to become all nervous, even if it was unintentional.  
"w-why do you w-wear posh c-clothes?" the little girl stammered timidly, and I couldn't help but chuckle at her question. No child had ever picked up on my choice of clothing before.  
"I... I mean, all the o-other doctors wear those p-pyjama outfits and white coats... But you're wearing all fancy s-stuff," she stammered in response to my laughter, probably a little worried she had offended me. The little one stared up at me biting down on her lip and I could tell this was a genuine question.  
I leaned forward as if to tell her a secret.  
"_Well, _one of the perks of being head of department here is that I get to decide my own dress code . I tell everyone I wear a suit to make myself look professional, but between you and me, it's actually because the colour of those scrubs _really_ doesn't suit my skin tone," I explained in a whisper causing a giggle to escape from her lips.  
I'd managed to calm her down a great deal - so much so that she didn't react at all as Josh came back in with her pile of clothes.  
"Thanks...m-mister," she stammered in response. A look of utter shock spread across Josh's face, and I couldn't help but smile. She was learning to trust us much faster than I had expected. "You're most welcome, sweetheart." he replied after a long pause, probably working out whether her talking had actually been directed at him. He laid out the clothes on her bed - a set of navy blue scrubs along with a university sweatshirt which I easily recognised as his own.

"Should we leave you for a few minutes so you can get yourself changed or should we send in a nurse to help you?" Josh asked, but the girl was quick to object and frantically shook her head.  
"No...stay, stay. Please. I want y-you to stay," she girl mumbled, staring directly at me and then back to Josh. I could only assume that she wanted both of us to stay with her, perhaps for protection more than anything else.  
We both turned our backs to her to give her some privacy, but I heard no movement from behind me. "Mister? Can you h-help me...p-please?" She asked nervously, and I quickly turned my back to see she hadn't moved an inch or even attempted to get herself undressed. I supported her back as she twisted round so her legs dangled from the end of the bed. "Arms up," I whispered to her, not able to get the dress off of her without getting her arms out of it first. She quite reluctantly began to lift her arms up as far as she could, but it caused her eyes to fill with tears and a groan to escape her lips. I pulled the filthy wet dress over her head as fast as I could, seeing the blatant pain she was in.

Nothing could have prepared me for what I saw beneath her clothes. No fat – just skin and bones. A layer of purple skin was stretched over her ribcage with bones protruding from her chest. Her arms and belly had been lacerated, some wounds healing on their own whilst others still wept blood. The little one trembled in front of me, making no attempt to hide her body – but she faced the floor trying to avoid eye contact. One hand clutched at her left arm and I turned my attention to her elbow, which was quite clearly twisted out of place - it was no wonder she struggled to raise her arms, the poor thing.  
I didn't speak, but instead began to dress her in the scrubs, being as careful as I could to avoid the worst of the bruising but she groaned quietly nevertheless. The clothes were absolutely huge on her and I had to spend a while rolling up the ends of the trousers which were at least a foot too long for her.  
"Can I get a 3mg injection of morphine, please?" I whispered to Josh, subtly giving her body a quick scan over to judge her height and weight. It was impossible to tell so went for the lower end of the recommended morphine dosage, obviously wanting to take the edge off the pain for her, but I also didn't want to knock her out.  
We stayed in silence after I dressed her. My job was to treat her and care for her, and I didn't necessarily _need_ to know how she had acquired her injuries, nor did I need to know about her family situation. It wasn't my position to ask questions like that.  
She lifted her head to look up to me, her eyes red and puffy and filled with tears. A look of hopelessness spread across her face which honestly just broke my heart.  
"Please, mister… don't tell the police. Don't tell anyone…please," she pleaded, sniffling between her words.  
I sighed heavily, not able to look her in the eye. I couldn't make that promise to her.  
"Please," she begged again, tears beginning to roll down her pink cheeks.  
"Okay… okay," I managed to finally whisper, taking her hands in mine and giving a reassuring squeeze. I felt awful for lying to her but I really needed her to not fear me.  
Josh came back and subtly passed the filled syringe into my hand then went to sit across from her. I gently pulled away her sleeve from her shoulder, rubbing my cold hand over her arm in hope it would numb the area. "This is just a painkiller, it's going to make you feel a lot better very quickly. Just a little sharp scratch, okay?" I whispered to her, injecting her in the back of her upper arm. She whimpered a little but stayed perfectly still, staring wide eyed towards Josh and the sweatshirt on his lap whilst I continued to rub her arm until the stinging would subside.  
"Do you want to wear that?" Josh laughed, whilst her eyes remained fixated on the hoodie. She nodded eagerly and I proceeded to lifting it over her head and gently positioning her arms into the holes. The hoodie hung down to her knees on her tiny frame, and the sleeves were easily double the length of her arms. She seemed to like it though and snuggled into it with a crease in her lips I was tempted to call a smile. It looked as though it was the first piece of warm clothing she'd ever owned.

I helped her twist back round so she lay back down on the table. Her groaning seemed quieter this time and I hoped that the morphine was getting to work already.  
"If I slept here, would you stay with me?" she asked, her tiredness evident in her toneless voice. "Of course. I promise I will," I whispered, dragging my chair closer to the bed and clutching at her hand which weakly held onto my fingers.  
"Whilst you're asleep, would you mind if Josh and I did some tests on you? I think you may have something called pneumonia, and I need to see which bugs are making you sick so we can help you. We won't hurt you at all – I promise," I asked her gently. I had a feeling the girl would be asleep for quite a while, and I couldn't wait that long to get a blood sample. She nodded back, her eyes barely able to focus on mine and I wasn't sure if she had entirely understood my question. She had no parent with her which meant I was entirely responsible for consenting for her treatment, but it still meant something to me that I had her permission. Patients deserved to know what we were doing to them, regardless of their age.

Before I could finally ask her of her name again, she was asleep. Josh was quick to lift an oxygen mask to her face before covering her in a fleecy blanket, trying to get her as comfortable as possible. I stayed seated there, her hand held tightly in mine. I had to at least keep this promise to stay with her.


	3. Chapter 3

**'Girl's' POV**

My sleep was unrefreshing and my eyes felt even more heavy as I woke. A high pitched constant beeping noise came from the machine next to my bed, becoming louder and louder the more I paid attention to it. My whole body throbbed in pain, whilst my chest ached with each and every breath. I had experienced pain before, but I wondered how it had become this bad.

"Good afternoon, sleepy head." I heard a voice whisper, and I jerked my head around to see a man I immediately didn't recognise. I stared into his eyes, looking for something to latch onto and remember but there was nothing. The man seemed to realise this and quite quickly backed away, his face turning into a look of concern. He paused, watching me for a while as if trying to find the words to say.

"I'm Carlisle, one of the doctors here at Fork's hospital. I met you yesterday morning..." he began to explain, and I allowed my eyes to scan round the room looking for clues as to where I was and how I had got here. "We have given you a lot of medicine and painkillers to help you feel better. They may make your mind feel a bit foggy for a while, but that will ease," he carried on in a gentle tone. It was a voice I recognised and a voice I trusted. I knew the man meant no harm.

Another male stood at the end of my bed. His head was faced down, staring at what I assumed must have been my medical file. He glanced up not to look at me, but to look at the machines beside my bedside, and I gathered he must be a doctor too.

The more awake I felt, the more I became aware of what exactly they had done to my body. There was a constant scratchy feeling at the back of my throat, which made me feel like I was choking the more I concentrated on it. I coughed hard, attempting to budge whatever was blocking my throat - but the pain hit me like a knife in the chest and left me panting hard for breath.

"Try not to cough, honey. That's a feeding tube you can feel down your throat, it's there to help you," the young doctor explained, rubbing my shoulder as I attempted to suppress my choking. My attention was soon diverted to my arms, covered in fresh bruises with small tubes coming from the skin of my hands and forearms. The sight of it sent a wave of nausea through my stomach, and I very quickly felt myself become panicked. Those are _needles_. Those are needles in _my veins_. "Get them out...p-p-please...m-mister," I began to beg, barely able to focus my attention on him with the sudden head rush that had hit me. I managed to rip one out from my left forearm before my hands were quickly restrained by the blonde man, Carlisle, who was leaning over my body and holding both my hands flat against the mattress_. "P-p-please!"_ I begged once more, and I felt my cheeks become wet with my tears. I didn't want to cry. I didn't want to burst out like this and show how weak I was, but I felt so incredibly out of control and quite frankly terrified.

I watched the two men talk between eachother, but it was medical talk I couldn't understand or even hear over my sobs. I kicked my feet and my body squirmed around against the mattress, although I knew I was completely powerless whilst Carlisle had such a tight hold on my wrists.

I felt something flush down my arm - cold, but it burnt at my veins all the same. Whatever it was, the effect was immediate and within seconds my body lay limp and my limbs were too heavy to kick. It was a draining feeling so intense, unlike the euphoric effect morphine had given me. "I'm sorry I had to do that," the young man muttered genuinely as I caught a glance at him holding a now empty syringe in his hands. On seeing his eyes, I remembered who he was. Joe...no, Josh? Yes, _Josh_. Carlisle eventually let go of my hands, and instead began to gently stroke my hair whispering praise into my ear, his face so sympathetic I found it hard to hate the man for what he had done. "Deep breaths," he carried on reminding me, glancing to my heart rate monitor every few seconds, praising me as it gradually became slower.

"How about we get you something to eat a bit later? I'm sure you've been dying to get some good food for a while," Carlisle suggested to me, although I knew he was only talking to distract me from Josh who was leant over my body, slapping his fingers up and down my hands and wrists trying to find a vein. Despite my begging, they were going to put the needle back into me.

"don't...don't want to be here," I managed to whisper despite the energy it took to even move my lips. Carlisle sighed, gently tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear and out of my eyes.

"I know this isn't nice, but we just want you to feel better. We need to get that cannula back into you so we can give you antibiotics. Those will kill the bugs in your lungs and stop your chest from hurting so much," he explained, giving my hand a reassuring squeeze. I felt my bottom lip tremble then. He hadn't understood what I had meant. He hadn't understood that not only did I not want to be here in hospital, I didn't want to be alive.

I ached for him to understand me, and to reassure me that life would get better, but I did not have the words nor the energy to explain myself. My thoughts were distracted by a sharp pinch at my ankle, making my whole body flinch suddenly and my eyes water. Josh breathed a sigh of relief and I gathered he must have finally managed to get a cannula into my foot of all places after what I felt must have been fifty attempts.

I ached for sleep now, my eyes stinging to keep open. My thoughts were my enemy though, and I couldn't help but just stare at the ceiling letting my thoughts and memories whirl round my mind. "Are you staying here with me?" I asked, and felt Carlisle's cold hand reach for mine. "Of course." He reassured me with a squeeze, but despite his reassurance I didn't feel at ease one bit. I stared in silence for a long while, with Carlisle stroking my hair in an attempt to comfort me once again. "What are you worrying about? What are you fearful of?" He asked me, edging closer to me as if wanting me to look him in the eye. Perhaps the fact I had tears falling down my cheeks or my racing heart beat gave my anxiety away, but I wasn't exactly sure how Carlisle had a way of knowing what was wrong.

I turned to face him, wishing I had the energy to say all that was on my mind, but this god damn sedative had completely drained me and I could barely string a sentence together in my head. Anyway, where would I start? The fact I'm terrified of my father finding me here? Or that I'm scared social services will put me in a home? Or of my irrational fear of doctors and hospitals or being around people in general. "Just..." I began to explain, but I quickly shrugged it away and looked back towards the ceiling. "Can I h-have m-morphine?" I stammered, watching his eyebrows raise slightly at my request. He hesitated for a long while and I began to see my request probably wasn't something I was supposed to do.

"Sweetie, that's a very very strong drug. I gave it to you yesterday because you were in a lot of pain," he explained, and I felt blood rush to my face and my cheeks blush in a sense of almost embarassment. "It made me feel good... made me feel calm," I mumbled and he simply nodded as if in understanding. "You have a pretty powerful sedative in you at the moment. I bet if you closed your eyes and counted down from ten, you'd be out of it in seconds," Carlisle reassured me with a smile, and began to tuck me in to the bed."It's completely normal to feel scared. You've been through a lot," he said as he slid another pillow under my neck. "What's not normal is immediately treating those fears and worries with a drug. You know, the best treatment is to talk about them." Carlisle added but I simply nodded. I wanted the morphine both for the pain and for the euphoria, but I liked Carlisle far too much to argue or plead with him.

We both stayed silent for a minute or so, my eyes watering with fatigue. He was right, the sedative was powerful and it was hard work attempting to fight against it.

"Close your eyes, you're fine. I'm right here. If anyone comes, they'll have me to deal with," he encouraged with a chuckle, and I took one glance back to the door to check it was shut before looking back to him with a small smile.

I shut my eyes and did as he had told me.

_Ten. Nine. Eight. Seven. Six..._


	4. Chapter 4

**Josh's POV**

I secretly prayed she wouldn't wake whilst I was here. Carlisle was clearly the one she liked and trusted, and I didn't want to feel responsible for freaking her out again. Carlisle had been at her bedside constantly for 3 days now, soothing her as she woke every few hours, confused and upset as to where she was. Sometimes she would wake up screaming and sweating from a nightmare, trembling under her duvet for a good hour afterwards. It was only fair that I took over for a while, even if it was just for one night. Carlisle had admitted he had become perhaps overly attached to the girl, and some time away from these four walls and with his family would probably do him a lot of good. I could tell part of him hated seeing her become slightly stronger each day, and part of me felt the same. The sooner she recovered, the sooner it would be that she would inevitably be put into a care home. I hated the thought of that. I hated the thought of her having to grow up never truly knowing what it is like to have a real family, with a real mother and father. Nobody would want to adopt a child so damaged - physically and mentally. Realistically, she would have problems with her health for the rest of her life and I had no doubt she would need intensive psychological therapy. We didn't know much at all of her background yet, but her fear of interaction with people made me think she had been kept separated from the world, imprisoned by her own caregiver. Carlisle and I had both agreed that one of the psychiatric staff should come see her, with the idea that perhaps they may know how to communicate with her more effectively and she would finally open up a bit more. I was reluctant to put her through the trauma of having to meet another person though, already knowing how much it would scare her. Carlisle's son Edward, was a psychiatrist however, and I trusted him as both a friend and colleague to look after my young patient if it was necessary.

She woke in the early hours of the morning, her cries waking me from my daydream. "Hey, it's okay. I'm here, honey, I'm here..." I quietly soothed, helping to remove the nebuliser from her face which she was frantically wrestling to get off. She stared wide eyed at me for a moment, tears now silently trailing down her pink cheeks. She looked round the room, before returning to staring straight into my eyes. "_Carlisle_?" She squeaked out, her bottom lip trembling as she said his name. I immediately felt guilty for not being the man she wanted. "Carlisle's gone home for the night to get some sleep. I'm not leaving until he comes back, okay?" I reassured her, but she stared still straight back at me with no response. She had so many drugs in her system that it was hard to tell whether she could actually understand what I was telling her. Her body seemed to become less tense after a couple minutes though, and her trembling finally slowed as her adrenaline levels restored. "Bad dream?" I asked, which she responded to with a slow nod. "Want to talk about it?" I dared to ask, a question Carlisle had always avoided. He didn't want to push her into opening up if she wasn't ready and lose her trust in him. She didnt seem to be too fond of me anyway, so I had nothing to lose. To my surprise, she began chewing on her lip - a nervous behaviour I found she did whenever she was deep in thought. Just as I thought she was about to speak, she shifted lower in her bed and pulled her duvet up to her eyes as if a protective mechanism."That's okay. You don't have to talk... But I'm here to listen if you do," I whispered, giving her hand a squeeze with a small smile.

"Why did... Why did Carlisle leave?" She asked, her voice breaking mid sentence and her eyes once again filled with tears. I began to see just how much she had become attached to Carlisle, and was probably deeply hurt by the fact he'd left her bedside. Promises meant a lot to children. "He just needs a bit of rest so he can take care of you properly... He hasn't left you," I tried to explain, but she shook her head as if not believing what I was saying. "Please honey, trust me. Carlisle will be back in a few hours," I whispered, lifting her chin so she would look me in the eye. "Have you seen what that band on your wrist says?" I asked, reaching for her left hand and holding the white hospital bracelet between my fingers. She stared blankly and just shook her head, and I assumed she couldn't read. Or if she could, she didn't understand what the bracelet was for or what it was saying. "When we check in a patient here, we print them out a band with their full name and date of birth on. Look what Carlisle put in as your name... _Lilla Cullen,_" I explained to her, and her eyes squinted as if in confusion. I hadn't really wanted to point out the name on her bracelet, scared she would believe that this meant Carlisle would adopt her. The last thing I wanted to do was give her false hope."Cullen? Carlisle's name?" She clarified and I nodded with a smile. "He's put you down as a member of his family to keep your cover so social services don't get involved for now. Now why would he do that if he was planning on leaving you?" I asked with a quiet laugh, and to my surprise she smiled too. An embarassed smile, as if she had just received a compliment. She seemed almost flattered. "So... my name is Lilla?" She asked then, looking so deep in concentration now that I couldn't tell whether she was happy or sad with the name choice. "Well, are you happy with us calling you that?" I asked then and she nodded quickly, probably quite relieved she had a new identity. "_But_..." she muttered, squinting her eyes at the bracelet again. "My date of birth is wrong..." she mumbled quietly, her voice trailing off. Something told me that she wasn't happy about it. "I was born in 1999... I'm sixteen," she explained almost quite sadly, looking back up to me with furrowed eyebrows. It was quite different to the 2004 birth date Carlisle had entered into the system which had been a pure guess based on her size and behaviour. We both had agreed she couldn't be more than twelve years old. Even now I was still skeptical whether she was telling the truth or not; she couldn't be sixteen, surely? I couldn't help but let my eyes scan down her tiny frame. An undeveloped child's figure, not resembling an adolescents in the slightest. "That's alright, we can get that cha-" I began to respond but she cut me off mid sentence quite sharply. "Do I really look that young?" She asked sadly, and she began to fiddle with her hair which told me she was nervous for my response. "No, no... It was probably just a mistake," I tried to explain with a reassuring smile but I could tell it had affected her quite badly, and I felt a deep sense of guilt for the offence we had caused her. "I have no breasts like other girls do... I look nothing like the other girls on the television," she mumbled, flicking her eyes back to the floor. "Honey, not all girls look like those on the television. And anyway, that's just because you're a little underweight at the minute. As soon as we get some food into you, your body will start to change," I said, watching for her reaction. To say she was a little underweight was an understatement, but I was trying to comfort her, not scare her. My reassurance didn't comfort her though, and she just stared towards the wall with her eyes full of hopelessness, tears endlessly streaming down her face and falling onto the matress. She looked almost detached from the world - a look I rarely saw in children. A look iconic of a depressed child. This couldn't be all because of our conversation about her body, but I guessed she had quickly become overwhelmed with everything.

We sat for a moment in silence, just hearing the sound of her sniffles every few seconds. I tip toed over to her monitors, jotting down her vitals onto her file. Despite the improvement from when she first came in, her blood pressure was still extremely low and her blood oxygen levels were nowhere near normal yet. Not to mention she was still deficient in every vitamin going despite our efforts with a feeding tube.

I gently pulled her arm out from under her blanket, giving her elbow a quick once over which we had managed to relocate into place whilst she had been sedated. "How's that feeling? Any pain?" I asked, taking her hand and moving it upwards towards her shoulder to test the motion. She quickly resisted though, and pulled her hand away from me and held it protectively towards her chest. She looked at me with a hard stare and her face was all screwed up into a frown, which looked more cute than anything else. "Hey, what's wrong? Did I hurt you?" I asked softly, not quite understanding her sudden reflex since I had barely touched her at all. Her eyes flicked to the floor, and her cheeks flushed slightly pink. "I just... I thought you were here as a friend... Are you only here because you're my doctor?" She whispered sadly, and I felt my heart sink in my chest. She was lonely, and having Carlisle stay with her all the time had made her feel wanted - made her feel special. Now I got the impression she thought I was only here because I had to be with the purpose of treating her. "No, of course not honey... I'm here because I want to support you. I'm here because I want to be here," I whispered, taking a seat next to her bedside so I could talk to her at eye level. I still had to try my best to not intimidate her.

"You sleep a lot though, which means that when you are awake I will have to do tests and ask you questions. I can't see if you're recovering well otherwise..." I attempted to explain, but there was no response and her stare remained fixated at the floor. She was so sensitive, and I felt I needed to think through my words in my head a few times over before saying them. I had to be so careful not to offend her. "You're my friend, right?" She asked, her eyes looking up to meet mine. Her bottom lip was trembling, bless her, and her heart rate had spiked rather suddenly. Despite what I had previously thought about her disliking me, it seemed our relationship (whatever it was) meant quite a big deal to her. She considered me a friend, regardless of how little we knew about eachother or how much I had hurt and scared her. Perhaps she'd never had a friend before, and was rather desperate to form an attachment to someone. "Yes, of course... But I'm also your doctor. That means your health has to come first, even if you don't like that." I said in response to her question, and she gave me a nod in understanding. "Please don't be upset," I whispered with a half smile but she still didn't look too forgiving. I wanted to suggest to her the opportunity of getting one of my colleagues to take over my role as her doctor instead, so I could become a friend like she wanted. I quickly brushed the thought away though, knowing forming too much of an attachment with the girl would be dangerous. Being her doctor meant there were boundaries, which I supposed I liked being there. I didn't want her to become too close to me, as inevitably she would soon have to leave. Attachments would make that situation even harder than it already will be.

"_Lilla_...listen to me, honey," I whispered, waiting for a moment for her to acknowledge me. She turned her head to look towards me, staring into me with tired eyes. "How would you feel about talking to someone?" I asked, hesitating for a moment to think my words through. I needed to be careful in the words I chose, knowing this could easily upset her. "A specialist, perhaps? Someone who can help with those bad dreams you've been getting. There are doctors out there who can help with that, you know. You don't have to do it alone." I whispered, feeling my heart thump inside my chest. I was nervous for her response. "You mean a shrink?" She asked, eyes still staring emotionless back at me. "A psychiatrist." I clarified, knowing of the bad connotations that came with the word 'shrink'. I watched her expression quickly turn from deep in thought, to a look of panic and her bottom lip began to tremble. "You think I'm c-c-crazy?" She stammered, edging away from me ever so slightly. I reached out for her hand and clasped it between mine, giving her a reassuring squeeze. "No, nothing like that. Not at all," I soothed, reaching to brush away the fresh tear that had fell down her cheek. "I think it will be good for you to have someone to talk to confidentially. They can teach you ways of dealing with those worries you said you have... it's not good to bottle it all up." I attempted to encourage her, and I watched her stare towards the wall in thought.

After a few minutes of sitting in silence, she finally nodded slowly towards me. "If you think it will help." She mumbled to me, and I gave her a smile in return. She must have respected my opinion, since I knew how much courage it must have taken for her to agree to my proposal. I sensed she was only doing this for me, so I mouthed her a 'thank you' and she managed to force a smile back towards me. Genuine or not, it was the first smile in a while, and it came as a relief to see.


	5. Chapter 5

_**OOC: sorry it's a long one! **_

**Edward's POV**

We had arranged my visit with military precision, working it around my schedule whilst timing it so that Lilla would be most alert. Her disrupted body clock meant she was sleeping throughout the day, then spending much of the late evening and early hours of the morning wide awake. I couldn't imagine how tiring it must have been for Carlisle and Josh to be spending every minute of the day at her bedside, and I hoped Lilla would tolerate me for at least an hour just to give the two of them a break.

I arrived at the hospital at 8pm sharp after the one hour commute from my clinic down in Port Angeles, ditching my white coat and tie in the back of my car in favour of slightly more casual rolled up shirt sleeves. Catching a glimpse of myself in the rear view mirror, I ran my fingers through my gelled back hair, scruffing it up a little and making myself feel normal once again. Carlisle had warned me on how nervous she'd be, and perhaps attempting to look less of a 'stereotypical doctor' would ease her anxiety a bit.

I could feel the nurses stares on me as I walked through the corridors, some friends of Carlisle's or colleagues from my training years here, whilst others looked at me like a piece of meat, turning to whisper to each other with high pitched squeals. Being seen as attractive had come to be something that I hated, and being able to hear it in everyone's thoughts was even worse. In the same way, it would be nice to be able to step foot in a hospital without being constantly compared to the infamous Dr Carlisle Cullen who they all seemed to worship. At least working a little while away from Forks under the name _'Dr Masen'_ somewhat protected me from that.  
I returned a smile to a few of the nurses, but remained focused on making my way to paediatrics where the girl was staying. I instantly recognised her room as the largest of the entire department, and I wondered how much extra special treatment Lilla would be getting just for being 'related' to Carlisle. They had always treated Renesmee like an absolute princess when she had appointments here, and although I didn't know the young patient yet, I hoped they were doing the same for Lilla. It was easy to tell how much Carlisle had become attached to her and was treating her like his own.

I peeked through the window, seeing Carlisle sat on the girls bed. He had his back to me but I could vaguely make out he was reading a book to her. She didn't look how I expected; bright blue eyes with golden wavy hair draped down her shoulders, her skin like porcelain. And despite the bruising across her face, she was really quite beautiful. I didn't quite know what I was expecting, but I hadn't ever imagined her to look so similar to us. She could easily pass as a member of our family.

She glanced up to see me looking through the window, and I watched the serene atmosphere of the room quickly change. "Carlisle... Carlisle... someone's there," I heard her say, her voice panicked but her eyes remaining fixated on me. Carlisle paused, turning round to acknowledge me before giving me a mental signal to give them a minute. "Do you remember how we talked earlier about the visitor coming today?" Carlisle replied, his voice so calm and gentle that it seemed to put her slightly at ease. He folded the corner of the page of the book, placing it on top of a pile of at least three others on her bedside table. "Is this the psychiatrist?" Lilla asked in return, her eyes turning fearful. Carlisle gave me a mental signal to enter the room, and I turned the door handle as quietly as I could before almost tip toeing in and standing a couple feet away from her bed. "Lilla... this is my brother, Dr Masen," he introduced, and I gave her a reassuring smile. Since I had become a qualified doctor, I was forced to act much older than my 17 year old self, telling people I was in my late twenties whilst Carlisle was in his early thirties. Carlisle had found he had to refer to me as his younger brother now, as it simply no longer made sense to have a father and son so close in age, even if I was adopted.

"Hi," Lilla croaked out to me, her cheeks flushing pink and she looked to Carlisle to do the talking. Her thoughts were far too erratic right now for me to focus in on anything, but I could guess that she didn't have much experience with people and probably found the situation a bit awkward. I pulled up a chair and sat down, sitting in silence for a moment and turning my attention to her thoughts. It was hard to put into words what they sounded like, but I could only describe it as the sound of least ten people all talking over each other at once - which was unusual in all honesty, and I wondered whether the drugs she was on may be the cause. It was frustratingly impossible to pick up on anything. "What a lovely jumper you have on there, miss," I commented, and she blushed again but this time managed to force out a little smile in return. I easily recognised the jumper as one of Renesmees from years ago when she was just a little girl. It was absolutely ridiculous to think it had managed to fit on a 16 year old. That's not right.

"I'm sorry I interrupted your reading session. What has Carlisle been reading to you?" I asked, taking the pile of books into my hands and flicking through the pages, faking interest in the various fairy tales. "They're about princesses," she began to explain, eagerly attempting to sit up in bed all of a sudden. "Easy, tiger" Carlisle laughed, supporting her back and shoulders whilst I pressed the switch on the side of her bed so it rose into a seated position. Carlisle kept a firm grip on her upper body, and although I didn't know much of her physical condition, I guessed she must have pretty badly hurt her ribs since she definitely wasn't able to support herself. "How does that feel? Comfortable or do you want the bed reclined a little?" Carlisle asked, rearranging the pillows to get her comfortable in her new seated position, but Lilla's focus was now turned on the books and his words went through one ear and out the other. "There's a book about a servant girl with a fairy godmother... Have you read that one? Can I show you my favourite picture in it?" Lilla asked, almost quite excitedly. She leaned over to try and reach for the book from my hand, but was stopped by Carlisle who gently pushed her back. "Lilla... No sudden movements, sweetheart. You know that." He said to her, a hint of sternness in his voice. "_Are you comfortable?_" He repeated, this time slightly more harsh toned and she gave him a nod whilst chewing on her lip. Despite his obvious annoyance in his response to Lilla, I could hear in Carlisle's thoughts quite how happy he was that Lilla had become excited for something. He seemed almost relieved. I too, was relieved I had found something I could connect with her with. If she didn't want to talk about herself, then at least we could talk about princesses. And any talking was better than no talking at all.

"Do you mind if I leave the room whilst you and Dr Masen have a little talk?" Carlisle asked, his voice back to being calm...soothing, almost. I watched Lilla turn to face me, then back to Carlisle. She paused there and began to suck on her thumb - a defence mechanism. Her thoughts were becoming clearer now as she became used to my presence, and I could easily hear that she was unsurprisingly scared of Carlisle leaving her. "Here," I began to speak, taking my iPhone from my pocket and loading the contact screen before pressing Carlisle's name so his number was displayed. I handed the phone to Lilla who sceptically took it from me, cradling it in her hands as if I had just handed her a billion dollar diamond.

"How about if I give you my phone, you're welcome to call Carlisle anytime you want? Just press that button there and you can call and ask him to come back?" I bargained with her, gesturing to the buttons on the screen. She still didn't look convinced, probably because it seemed she had never actually used a mobile before. "How about we give it a try now? A practice run?" I asked with an encouraging smile, leaning over her shoulder as I showed her how to call the number once again. Carlisle's phone immediately began to buzz in his pocket. "If I hear it buzzing, I'll be here in less than a minute. I promise." He whispered to her, looking her straight in the eye. Lilla paused before giving a defeated nod. "Don't be too long, please." She begged Carlisle, leaning closer to him and allowing her face to touch his cheek in what looked like an attempt at a kiss, which she clearly had never tried before. She stared at him for a while afterwards as if waiting for his approval of what she'd done, to which Carlisle responded with a smile spread across his face, seriously taken by surprise at her sudden act of love for him. "I'll be back before you know it," he promised, getting up and giving us a wave as he left.

"Do you want to show me your favourite picture then?" I asked with a smile, handing her the Cinderella book in an attempt to regain her confidence. She shook it away, avoiding eye contact with me. "But you're not here to talk to me about books..." she mumbled, sounding like she was on the cusp of tears. She faced her feet, taking deep breaths to try to stop herself from crying. "We can talk about whatever you like," I replied after pausing for a while, giving her a chance of regain her composure. I had expected her to be a bit sensitive after Carlisle had left her. She wasn't used to being without him.

As she calmed down, her thoughts became much clearer, and it came as a shock to me what the biggest thing on her mind was. She was in pain. Severe pain. "Lilla, you look uncomfortable. Can I get you any painkillers at all?" I offered, which she straight away responded to with a shake of her head. Her mind was telling me the opposite, however. "I want to help you. Are you in pain?" I asked once again, and this time she didn't respond. She looked up from her feet to face me, chewing her lip in nervousness. "Ribs are hurting... just a bit." She finally admitted, and I picked up her medical file from the end of her bed and began to scan through her drugs chart. They had seriously cut her dosage, so she probably hadn't been too honest with Carlisle and Josh about how bad it was. "How long has this been going on for?" I asked, to which I already knew the answer to. The pain had been bad for days. "Not too long," she mumbled, watching me as I looked through the cupboards for an opiate I could give her. All that was kept in her room was paracetamol though, and I wanted something stronger for the poor girl. "Would you be okay if I ran to get you a painkiller? It's kept literally about five metres away from your room... I'd be thirty seconds, max," I said softly, watching her think it through. "_Thirty seconds?_" She clarified, and I nodded. "Okay..." she agreed after a long pause. Although I couldn't feel her pain, the fact she was willing to be left on her own showed just how bad it must have been. I left the room and ran down the corridor as fast as humanly possible, swiping my ID card next to the door handle before entering the drugs cupboard. Fortunately I was familiar with the layout of the room from when I had spent months doing my paediatrics training in this department, otherwise I would be rummaging round every drawer for hours. I picked up a bottle of morphine sulphate and a syringe before making my way back, forcing myself to pant for breath as soon as she saw me.

"Told you I'd be quick," I said with a wink, and began to syringe up 5mls of the liquid. "Can I put this into the cannula in your foot, honey?" I asked, nervously approaching her and trying to lift the blanket off of her legs to find the IV port. She was mentally protesting though and was apprehensive as to what I was giving her. "What's wrong?" I asked, hovering for a while and taking a step back. "Is that morphine?" She asked me, tucking her feet back under the blanket. "Carlisle said no morphine," she mumbled, and I took her file back into my hands. There was so sign of any allergies, and he had given her morphine on her arrival so I couldn't see why he'd have a problem with it. "Do you know why?" I asked, putting the syringe down and taking a seat next to her bed. "Doctor Josh said that I shouldn't have it unless I'm in a lot of pain... Do you have anything else?" She said, almost quite sadly. "But you are in a lot of pain. It's perfectly okay to use it in cases like this, where nothing else is going to take the edge off." I attempted to explain but she protested again with a shake of her head. "Please, no." She pleaded at me. This wasn't about what Carlisle and Josh had told her, this was about something else.

"You're scared of becoming addicted, aren't you?" I commented, and she looked up at me whilst chewing on her lip. She didn't know how I had come to that conclusion and it seemed to have freaked her out a bit. "How do you know that?" She asked, looking at me sceptically with furrowed eyebrows. "Sometimes I just know things..." I said quickly in response, trying to brush off her question and focus on her. "Why are you scared of addiction, Lilla?" I persevered, reaching to take a notepad from my satchel and noting down her name and the date on a fresh page. There was a long pause as she tried to think of what to say. I heard the sentence at least 5 times over in her mind before she finally spoke her words. "I've seen what an addiction can do to someone... and I guess I just don't want to risk it myself." she admitted quietly, and I gave her an understanding nod. "This is very different to taking illegal drugs or alcohol though, Lilla. We're doctors - we would only give you something if we were sure it wouldn't harm you. Please, honey, let me give this to you. I don't like you being in so much pain." I tried to reassure her, and she gave me a reluctant nod. "Thank you," I whispered honestly, putting my notebook to one side and taking the syringe, pushing the drug through the cannula in her foot. She wiggled her toes, and I rubbed my hand up and down her leg knowing how much it would sting for the first couple of seconds. I stepped away, adding the details of the dosage onto her chart and signing my name, watching her in the corner of my eye still.

As the drug began to kick in, her mind became clearer and her whole body seemed to un-tense itself. "Is it your father who has the addiction?" I dared to ask after giving her a few minutes of silence. She turned to face me before facing her feet once again, and I thought perhaps it might be too soon. "It's alright, you don't have to answer. These sessions are on your terms-" I added, but she cut me off mid sentence. "_He liked to drink_." She told me bluntly, her heart starting to race in her chest. I could hear the flashbacks in her mind, and I felt guilty for taking her back to those dark times and making her think about her father, but it was important that she talked about it. That's why I was here. "I see," I replied in a whisper, and I paused for a while before asking my sentence. I wanted her to feel that this was a friendly chat, not an interrogation.  
"And how did that effect him, Lilla?" I asked, and she swallowed hard and began to fidget uncomfortably in her bed. She shook her head, not wanting to talk anymore which I completely understood. I had seen it all in her mind though - and it completely confirmed our suspicions that she was an abuse victim. "That's okay," I whispered, offering her a tissue from her bedside table as I watched her attempt to blink away her tears.

"How old are you?" She asked me after she had recomposed herself, taking sips from a plastic cup of water she held in a tremoring hand. "I'm 27... why's that?" I replied, and her eyes looked up to the ceiling as she did a calculation in her head. "You look younger," she muttered with a sigh, looking quite defeated. "Did you want me to be younger? I'm sorry not all your doctors are as young and handsome as Josh," I laughed and she began to shake her head vigorously, obviously not understanding my humour. I should have known that before I said it. "No, no... I'm sorry, doctor Masen, I didn't-"  
"Hey, it's okay. It was just a joke," I reassured her with another laugh, squeezing her shoulder. "Now was there a real reason or were you just curious?" I persevered.

"It's silly really," she mumbled, her voice trailing off. "I remind you of someone of a similar age?" I asked, to which she responded with squinted eyes. "_Hey!"_ She moaned at me, obviously attempting to come across as angry but she honestly just looked cute. "What?" I laughed, sitting back in my chair trying to act casual. "How are you guessing these things?" She asked in the same moany voice, this time with a small smile on her lips. "So I _am_ right? Who is it then?" I prodded, and she began to fidget nervously. "My big brother," she muttered quietly, and I backed away now since this seemed a bit of a sensitive topic. "I just had a silly thought that you could have been him. He really did look like you," she explained, sighing heavily. "I'm sorry," I whispered in return, feeling bad that I wasn't the one she wanted. I could hear the hope she had in her mind - for a moment, she really had thought I was her brother. "The drugs must be getting to my head... a-a-and I haven't seen him for over ten years. I don't know, I'm not thinking straight," she mumbled, not looking up from her feet. I subtly began to write a few notes down in my notebook, not that she had given me much information to work with. "Would you like me to try and find your brother? There's databases out there which we can use for things like that?" I suggested but she shook her head quickly. "But what about when you get better? You're going to need someone to take care of you?" I encouraged which very quickly got her attention, and she turned to face me. "I'm fine on my own, I'm sixteen," she mumbled, an element of harshness to her voice.

"And that makes you a minor... Why do you not want us to find your brother?" I asked again this time, but it made her even more frustrated and she screwed her face up. "If he did want to look after me, he would have tried to find me sometime in the past twelve years, or at least tried to make contact," she almost spat at me, and her eyes quickly filled with tears and she turned away from me.  
She had made it clear she didn't want to talk anymore about him, and I didn't attempt to push her any further on the topic.  
"You're tired," I commented, simply watching as she whimpered and sniffled towards the wall. My chest throbbed as I watched her. She reminded me of Renesmee in so many ways, which probably made it so much worse. I wanted to comfort her, but it was also important that I kept boundaries between us, knowing that keeping a strict patient-doctor relationship meant she was more likely to be honest with me in the future.  
"Read to me, _p-please_," she sobbed in a slurred voice, her voice breaking as she spoke.  
"Of course," I whispered back, taking the Cinderella book from the top of the pile. She completely blanked out my voice as I read her the story, and I knew she had only asked me to read to take the attention off of herself and stop with the questioning. She fell asleep just a few pages in, but I carried on reading nevertheless, a way of distracting me from her thoughts and dreams. Part of me honestly feeling guilty that I had listened in at all. Her mind and her dreams were _her own_, and it didn't feel right to be listening into them. She would open up to me in her own time.


	6. Chapter 6

**Lilla's POV**

I woke to hear talking, easily recognising one of the hushed voices as Carlisle's whilst the other was a little less familiar. I laid still there for a while, with my eyes closed as I slowly regained consciousness with their voices just a blur in the background. It wasn't until I had awoken fully when I focused in on what they were saying. It seemed heated, with whatever Carlisle was saying, the other male clearly not agreeing with it.

"She trusts you, Carlisle. You're the first person she's ever actually loved." the unfamiliar voice said in a hushed tone, although I could hear the harshness behind his words. _What were they arguing about? Who were they talking about?_

"I want what is best for her, and if that means letting her go, then so be it. She will never have a normal life living with me - and she needs to grow up in a stable environment. Anyway, she has only been here a week... She would soon forget about me." Carlisle replied, and I heard his voice break between his words. It was me. They were arguing about me.

"She deserves a mother and a father. Do you really think she would ever have that if she was put into care?" The other voice argued, who I had come to recognise as the psychiatrists. "I don't want to be her father," Carlisle replied after a long pause. His words hit me hard in the chest, and I felt tears begin to sting at my eyes. He didn't want to be my father. I had been wrong this whole time.

"_Carlisle_, I think..." Dr Masen's voice trailed off.

I wanted to keep my eyes shut forever, not wanting to have to face the man again knowing just how badly it would hurt. But it seemed Dr Masen had picked up on the fact I had awoken, since they soon both stopped talking and I felt footsteps near me.

"Lilla, honey... Are you awake?" Carlisle whispered, his voice shaking slightly and I could tell he was nervous. He was rightly worried that I had heard him say those things. There was no use pretending I was asleep, for my heart rate spiked slightly after Carlisle spoke. I was a useless liar.

I quickly opened my eyes, blinking rapidly to try and get rid of the evidence of my tears. "You don't normally wake up at this time," he commented, giving me a somewhat nervous smile. As much as I hated him for what he said, looking into his eyes gave me a feeling I couldn't explain. I felt warm inside. I felt safe.

"I know. I heard voices," I mumbled, and Carlisle nodded. "We were just discussing a patient. You didn't hear much, did you?" He asked, and I paused before shaking my head. He smiled in return, and I think he believed me. We paused for a while, before he attempted to make some small talk with me. "Have you thought about what book you'd like me to buy you next?" He asked, to which I couldn't bring myself to respond to.

"I... I need to get out of here. I need f-fresh a-air," I stammered, quickly throwing the blanket off of my legs and attempting to sit up in the bed.

"No, Lilla. You need to stay in bed," Carlisle said sternly back, pushing down at my shoulders gently to keep me laid down. He did this every time I ever tried to move, and I usually didn't fight back. But I resisted this time, and slapped his hand off of my shoulder. "I need air," I said once again, trying to remain somewhat calm but I could feel the anger grow inside me. I didn't want to be angry at him. No matter how upset I was, he didn't deserve that. He had only been good to me, and he was not in the wrong by not wanting to adopt me; I had been foolish to expect it of him in the first place.

"Please. I need to get away," I pleaded, attempting to sit up once again which he finally assisted me in doing. "You can sit up but you're staying in bed, honey. You're very weak still." He said, rubbing my shoulder to try and calm me down. I squeezed my eyes tightly shut trying my best not to cry or burst out at him, but I felt like the walls were closing in on me and I felt myself begin to choke. "Need t-to g-get o-out," I repeated, stammering my every word. My heart very quickly began to thud inside my chest, so strongly that I felt every heart beat shake my entire body. I gasped desperately for air, losing sensation in my fingers with every breath in. The room began to spin uncontrollably, and my stomach was hit with a sudden wave of nausea. I was going to be sick. This was the end. Surely this was me dying. "Lilla... Lilla, you're okay," I heard the psychiatrist say this time, and without seeing the man move, he was sitting next to me on the bed and rubbing my back, lowering his head to my height to look me in the eye. "Deep breaths for me," he said calmly, and I watched him as he began to slow his own breathing, taking an exaggerated breath in every few seconds. I tried to mimic him, with a shooting pain hitting my lungs each time I inhaled. "Good girl, you're doing really well," he praised me with a smile, and he began to count slowly down from one hundred. I assumed he wanted me to do that too, but I could barely count backwards anyway, let alone when I felt I was on the verge of fainting. "This is just an anxiety attack, you're okay. This will pass," he reassured me, and he was right, for my breathing soon back to slow after what felt a long few minutes. The dizziness persisted however, and I rubbed my fingers together to try and regain sensation. "You've taken in a bit too much oxygen, your head might be spinning for a while." He explained, and I gave in and allowed my heavy head to rest onto him, and he wrapped an arm round me in response. I was surprised at myself for getting so close to a man I hardly knew, but something told me I could trust him. To me, it felt like he had just saved my life. "Thank you... that wasn't nice." I mumbled, and he gave me a reassuring squeeze back. "That was all you. You calmed yourself down, not me." He whispered with a smile.

"Maybe it will be good to get some fresh air then, hey?" He suggested, standing himself up as Carlisle entered the room with a wheelchair. "I can go on my own. I can walk," I argued back, barely able to look Carlisle in the eye. I didn't want to have to talk to him, fully knowing I wouldn't be able to hide how I felt in front of him.

Dr Masen seemed to sense this, and quickly offered to take me instead. I really did want to go on my own, but no amount of arguing was going to get round them. Anyway, my legs did feel heavy and I doubted I'd get more than 10 steps without my lungs giving in and I would need oxygen.

"Twist yourself round then I'll lift you up and help you into the chair. Is that okay?" He asked me, and I nodded slowly whilst twisting my body round and perching on the edge of my bed so my legs dangled over the edge. He knelt down to unplug the tubes attached to the cannulas, and unclipped the heart monitor from my finger before standing up again and tucking one arm under my knees. I flinched suddenly with a small whimper. "Sorry, I-" I tried to explain, and he stepped back right away. He hadn't hurt me at all, but in all honesty, this was the first time anyone had ever picked me up before. I didn't exactly know what to expect. It was little things like that which made me feel so different to anyone else, and I felt embarassed to have shown fear to something so trivial.

He seemed to understand, however, and stepped forward again with an encouraging smile. "What I will do is tuck one arm under your knees, then support your back with my other arm. You can wrap your arms round my neck or hold my shoulders if you like, whatever makes you comfortable," he explained softly, and I chewed on my lip before nodding once again. "It's okay, I'm not going to drop you!" He reassured me with a chuckle, and I managed to give him an embarassed smile back, realising how silly I was being.

He slowly approached me again, scooping me up into his arms and holding me tightly towards his chest whilst I let my hands cling to his shirt - one hand gripping to the collar whilst the other was latched onto his shoulder. He lowered me into the chair, and it took me a while to realise it was safe to let go as he manually had to pull my hands away from their tight grip with a chuckle. Carlisle knelt down in front of my chair and fussed over me for a while, wrapping me up in a blanket and attaching an oxygen cylinder to the back of the wheelchair "just in case."

"Carlisle, she's fine." Dr Masen reassured his brother, who honestly looked a little uneasy about the situation. I couldn't tell whether he was just being overprotective, or if I had perhaps upset him with my lashing out at him earlier.

Dr Masen wheeled me in silence out the room, taking me down the corridors and into an elevator. I could see through the windows just how dark it was outside, and I wondered what time it was. I hoped it wasn't too late; Dr Masen should be at home with his own family rather than taking me out for walks in the evening. We eventually got to what looked like a back entrance to the hospital, and he parked me up next to a bench then went off to open one of the doors to get some air in. "They don't use this entrance anymore. Nobody will come here," he said with a smile, taking a seat on the bench and staring at the floor. It was eerie, and every breath seemed to echo down the corridor. I didn't particularly like it here, but it was good to get away from my room, and at least we were away from people. "You heard what Carlisle said, didn't you?" He asked after clearing his throat, his voice taking me by surprise in the silence and I flinched suddenly. I gave him a slow nod, swallowing hard as I watched his eyes turn sympathetic. "It's fine, I don't bla-" I began to mumble, but he cut me off mid sentence.

"Carlisle only wants what is best for you, Lilla," he said, and I felt my bottom lip begin to tremble. _Don't cry, Lilla!_

"He's a busy man with an important job, working long and unpractical hours. He doesn't want you to be in a family where you're stuck on your own all the time. You deserve a stable home, with a mother and father who can take care of you properly." He explained in a whisper, and all I managed was to give him a nod back. "I'll never have a stable family though. I'll be in a foster home until I'm eighteen - and Dr Masen, I can't handle that. I really can't." I mumbled in a panicked sob, and I covered my face with my hands to hide my tears. "Hey, that's not true," he whispered soothingly, reaching out to rub my shoulder. "How do you know that? It's easy for you to say. You with your posh voice, your expensive suit and your important job... you've never known what it's like to struggle," I argued with him, and I immediately regretted the things I had said as soon as they had left my lips. He was only trying to comfort me, so why had I lashed out at him? This was my own problem, not his.

After a long pause, Dr Masen responded to my comment with a shake of his head. "I was adopted." He said bluntly, taking a deep breath in. "My parents had both died from illness... A young couple decided to take me in despite the fact I was sick and carried a history with me. I was torn apart in grief for a long time, yet they supported me despite the fact they barely knew me. I was seventeen, Lilla. There are good people out there who will want to help you. Couples out there would die to have a daughter like you." He whispered, and I felt my cheeks flush pink with his words. "I'm... I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said those things,"

"Shhh," he whispered, giving my hand a squeeze and I knew that he had forgiven me. I had a new found respect for the man, who had just openly been so honest about his past. I didn't quite know how to respond to his honesty, and I began to attempt to stand from my chair to sit with him on the bench. Before I could shift any weight onto my feet, he had scooped me up and he placed me down on the bench next to him.

"Dr Masen, what if not all people are good? What if not all people are like you and Dr Josh and Carlisle... what if..." I began to ask, but I couldn't get my words out. "Sure, there are bad people in this world, and perhaps you were unlucky enough to have had to meet one. But those bad people are a minority. You'll never be hurt again, Lilla. We won't let that happen." he said, and I honestly did believe the man. His lips parted, but no further words came out, and I looked up at him to try and urge him to continue. "Sweetheart, you don't have to answer this if you don't want to," he began, and he took my hand in his.

"The reason you were brought into hospital is that you had been found unconscious on the side of a road," he began softly, and he paused for a moment as if waiting for me to say something. He stared at me in silence for a few seconds before continuing.

"Your medical care team ran blood tests to try and find out what caused that to happen. They found a high dose of a drug called lisinopril in your system. Does that mean anything to you?" He asked, and I felt my heart began to race. He knew. He knew what I had done. Perhaps this was why Carlisle didn't want me anymore. They knew.

He seemed to sense my panic, and began to rub my black slowly. "Your doctors both agreed that it had been due to abuse, whereby perhaps you had been purposely poisoned with the drug. Lisinopril is used to treat high blood pressure, so one of your parents may have had it in the house," he said, and I was grateful for the fact he was giving me a route out of the situation. I didn't want to lie anymore though, and it felt almost good that someone had finally picked up on it.

"I wanted to die, Dr Masen. _So badly_." I choked out, my cheeks wet with my tears. I didn't dare look in his eyes, scared of what his reaction would be. "Do you regret not taking enough?" He began to question in a whisper. He had a way of speaking that didn't make me feel intimidated at all, and I felt as if I was talking to a friend rather than a man who potentially had the power to lock me up in an asylum. "Are you asking if I'm still suicidal?" I asked, and he responded with a nod, his eyes full of concern. "No... I mean, I don't know. I guess if I was, I would have found another way by now." I admitted, my heart still pounding in my chest. It felt cathartic in a way, like a huge weight had been lifted from my chest.

"I know you probably feel pretty abnormal right now, it can feel like you're the only who's feeling like you do. But belive me, Lilla, there are many many people who are feeling the same as you. And there are many more people who have managed to overcome that and be happy again," he said gently. It sounded rehearsed almost, and I wondered how many patients he had recited that to. I was just one of many broken people to him, who's job it was to fix.

As if he had heard what I was just thinking, he quickly corrected himself. "That doesn't make you any less important though, Lilla. You have to know that myself and your doctors will be doing all we can to help you. You are our priority," he assured me, his tone of voice was different this time and he had quickly snapped back into "doctor mode". I wasn't sure whether I liked how our conversation had gone from a friendly chat to something more professional.

"You're not going to tell Carlisle about this, are you?" I asked, regretting not asking him sooner. I had been foolish to trust the man by telling him these things, forgetting the position of authority he held. I had no doubt that depressed, suicidal patients didn't hold many rights in terms of confidentiality, and I probably wouldn't have much say in my treatment either.

He paused for a moment, and flicked through my file. "Technically you have no legal guardian at the minute, which means no, I won't have to tell anyone except your doctors. Josh will have to be told, and a note will be made on your medical file so the nurses are aware. I know you won't like that, but it's just so that we can make sure you're safe," he explained, giving me a sympathetic look.

"Why don't you want Carlisle to know how you're feeling?" He asked then, just as I had started to slouch on the bench and start to feel sleepy again.

"I suppose that deep down, I still have a small glimmer of hope that he'll change his mind and want to be my father." I admitted, smiling to myself at how pathetic that must have sounded. It must have been pathetic enough for him to feel sorry for me, as I felt Dr Masen swiftly wrap an arm around my shoulders and give me a reassuring squeeze. "And you think that being unhappy is going to make him less likely to want to adopt you?" He asked in a whisper, and I found myself cuddling so closely into him now without even realising, that I could feel his breath touch my face as he spoke.

"It's harder to love someone when they're mentally ill. Even when you know they can't help it." I mumbled, facing the floor and taking a few deep breaths to stop myself from getting upset.

My mother had been ill as long as I had known her, even if it wasn't for very long. "Post - natal depression", they had labelled her sadness as, which my father had made sure I knew the meaning of, even when i was just a small child. It meant that she had become depressed because of me.

She committed suicide when I was four. My brother always tried to convince me she left this world another way. I vaguely remember him making up some story about her dying in a fire after running into a burning building, attempting to save someone's life. He tried to convince me that she had died a hero. Of course, my father never let me believe the stories for one minute. It was my fault that she died, and he wouldn't never let me forget it.

I've never been able to bring myself to love my mother. The first years of my life were pure misery, and when she died, my brother swiftly left and the years became worse and worse. Even if I knew it was the illnesses fault, I couldn't help but think that if she never killed herself, my father would never have become the person he became and my life would have never have come to this. If she had never had killed herself, perhaps the abuse would have never started.

Dr Masen interrupted the silence, and I quickly wiped the tears from my cheeks. "Do you know someone who suffered with a mental illness, Lil-" he began to ask in response to my comment, but I shook my head and cut him off. "Please pretend I didn't say that. Please don't think anything of it." I pleaded, not wishing to talk about my mother with him, nor to anyone.

"Of course." He whispered, dismissing the subject without any protest. I liked him for that.

"I do think it's important that Carlisle knows though. That is entirely you're choice and I'm not going to do anything to push you. However, I do know that Carlisle hates the thought of letting you go already. He will hate that even more if he knows quite how unhappy you are. You're fragile, sweetheart. Carlisle will do anything in his power not to break you," he whispered, and I mentally cursed him for making me emotional once again.

"I don't want him to adopt me out of sympathy," I choked out, and he began to rub my back soothingly as soon as he noticed my tears. "I don't mean it like that." He said honestly, and I rested my head deeper into his chest as I sobbed. I had never been this close to a man before and i wasn't sure if my behaviour was considered socially normal, but by his response, or lack of one, I assumed that it was okay.

I lifted my body away from him after I had managed to recompose myself, sitting a little further away from him with my legs crossed on the bench. "Why are you sticking up for me? I mean, when I heard you and Carlisle arguing, you were angry at Carlisle. You were angry at him for giving up on me." I questioned, and it felt honestly good to shift the attention away from me and onto him. "As your doctor, I just want what is best for you." He said in an almost monotonous tone, professional and emotionless like he had been expecting this question and had rehearsed his reply already. "And you think that me going with Carlisle is what's best?" I persevered with him, but I didn't get much of a response in return. After a long pause, he gave a small sigh before looking me in the eye. "I'm not allowed to give you my opinion, sweetheart. I'm meant to be unbiased," he said, almost sadly. I gave him a nod in understanding, but leant in closer and whispered a "thank you" anyway. I couldn't deny what I had heard; Dr Masen was definitely against social services getting involved. I didn't discuss the topic any further though, not wanting to get him into trouble or make him feel awkward in any way.

"Should I take you outside for a few minutes? The stars are out?" He suggested, but I quickly shook my head, and proceeded to attempt to get myself back into my chair. "It's late. I'm tired, and you should get home. You should be with your own family," I said, as he picked me up once again and ever so gently lowered me down into the chair. He knelt down in front of me and took my hand. "What I said about you being my priority was true, Lilla. I want you to be happy. If you want to stay here a little longer or go outside, then that is absolutely fine." He whispered, and I managed to give him a small smile in response to his kindness. "It will make me happy to know you're at home. You look tired," I said, reaching out to trace my fingers under his tired eyes. There was no denying how handsome the man was, but every time I had seen him, his eyes were pink and I wished nothing more than for him to get some sleep. He stood up and began to wheel me in the direction of my room. "Oh, I always look like that," he laughed, taking me a long route around the hospital probably sensing the fact I was reluctant to get back to bed. I must have fallen asleep en route however, as I woke in the morning not really remembering ever getting back to my room.


	7. Chapter 7

**Carlisle's POV**

She woke less frequently than she used to. Every 4 hours or so she would open her eyes, begin to fidget her body a little then grunt quietly in my direction. It hadn't taken long for us to figure out that her waking schedule was directly correlated with however long it took for her painkillers to wear off; and so every four hours, Josh or I would push another dose into her cannula which would instantly relax her. I didn't like that we had to do that, fully knowing it was wrong that she had ultimately become dependent on the painkillers - but one thing we all knew about Lilla was that she loved her sleep. If she needed something for her to get that sleep, then Josh and I had both agreed that we should go ahead with it.

We had stopped using opiates with her a while ago, since I was skeptical whether the pain she was describing was actual pain. Her fractured ribs were healing nicely and she hadn't moaned about her chest pain in a while, yet she still waking up in 'agony' every few hours. There was no clinical reason why that was the case, and I honestly wondered whether it may be something psychological. Sure, I was no Edward and I had no way of seeing into her mind, but I was aware that often psychological pain had ways of manifesting itself as physical pain - a cry for help, if you like. That didn't make the pain any less real to her however, and so of course we still treated her for it.

When she was awake, she usually stared at the walls with this vacant look in her eyes which made my heart ache. It was almost like she had been removed from the world. She didn't batter an eyelid anymore when we took blood from her each day, nor did she as much as flinch when Josh did a painful arterial blood gas from a tiny vein in her wrist_ (which we had uneccesaarily dreaded for days, and had spent a while debating who would take the test and who would hold her down)._ She described it as being numb, and all I could do was give her a sympathetic nod, not knowing what to do to help.

She responded well to Edward, however, and she would wake just before 8 each night and honestly look somewhat excited to see him. Alright, excited is the wrong word to describe it - but she always had a look different to the empty stare we witnessed all day. Perhaps it was more of a look of _hope_. Whatever Edward was doing, Lilla was connecting with him and I could tell it was helping. Edward was loyal to her confidentiality and hadn't told me one word of what Lilla had told him, assuring me that she would open up in her own time.

She woke later on this occasion, and at about five past eight in the evening, Edward was already here and we were talking at her bedside. We hadn't realised she had woken up, and she tugged weakly at my shirt to get my attention. "Hey little miss sleepy," I said with a smile, and she gave me a smile back although I felt it was more directed at Edward than anyone else. I couldn't tell whether that was because she really did like Edward, or rather that she liked to look at Edward (which she had surprisingly admitted to). "Can you stay this time, please?" She asked me in a whisper, rubbing at her eyes and sitting up in her bed. "Of course I can," I said without thinking. I realised I had planned a meeting with a couple of my juniors, but figured that it could wait. Out of the many sessions Lilla had spent with Edward, she had never once asked me to stay so I gathered this must be pretty important to her.

"Dr Masen... I wanted to tell Carlisle about the thing we talked about when we went for our walk," she said to Edward, and I watched him take a chair and move it slightly closer to her bed. "And you want me to stay here?" He whispered back, taking her hand and holding it in his. She nodded quickly, her eyes wide and she was chewing on her bottom lip now. I could tell that she was nervous, which scared me to be honest.

We sat in a slightly awkward silence for a while where we both sat and watched Lilla, waiting for her to say something. No words came out though, and she looked towards Edward to give her some help. "Why don't you start with why you were brought into hospital?" He encouraged her, but Lilla shook her head and looked as though she was about to cry. I could sense that she wanted Edward to do all the talking, but he wasn't going to allow that. "Sweetheart, Carlisle's a doctor. He deals with situations like this every day and he's not going to judge you for it," Edward went back into a whisper, turning himself towards Lilla so his body blocked her from my view, probably so Lilla would think I couldn't hear their conversation. After another long pause, I heard Lilla sniffle before Edward turned back to face me.

"I took some tablets I found, and they made me sick," she began to explain, looking up to Edward the whole time as if wanting his approval. He gave her a nod and a small smile, giving her hand a squeeze. "Why did you take the tablets?" Edward asked gently, which made her tear up a little and she faced the floor in almost a look of shame. "I was really unhappy." She mumbled into the ground, and I found myself swallowing hard at the shock of what she had said. Was I hearing this right? The little girl in front of me had _commit suicide? _

"Please say something," I heard Lilla moan at me, looking me in the eye with a trembling bottom lip. She was really scared of my response, and I momentarily hated myself for showing any surprise to what she said. I should have been professional and not showed any emotion, but I had - and she must have picked up on it. "You're mad, aren't you?" She mumbled, and I watched a tear fall down her pallid cheek. "I'm not mad, no. How could you ever think that?" I whispered, reaching out to wipe the tear from her skin. "I'm just sad - sad that you felt you had to do that. I hate the thought of you suffering." I explained, and she continued to chew on her lip nervously. "You must have spent so much money on all my treatment, thinking I was a poor victim of abuse, yet it was all my fault all along. I'm sorry, Carlisle... I really am." She was sobbing now, tears streaming down her cheeks. "_Oh Lilla,_" was all I managed to say as I sat down onto her bed and wrapped my arms around her without thinking. Despite the fact we had never hugged before and how wary I had been of getting too close to her, it just seemed the right thing to do. She didnt back away or tense up, and her body gave in and her head fell into my chest and she cried into my shirt.

I rocked her gently in my arms, rubbing her back and kissing her head every so often. She continued to cry for a long time though, and I peered at Edward in the corner of my eye who simply gave me a nod and a small smile. I think he wanted her to get it out of her system, for he had told me he had never seen her visibly show much emotion. She must have been bottling it up this whole time.

She looked pretty shattered after a good ten minutes of audible crying, but after she had managed to calm herself down and sit back up by herself, Edward began with his questioning again. "Why were you so unhappy, Lilla?" He asked her gently, and Lilla glanced to me then back to Edward. "My dad hurt me," she admitted very bluntly, and I could sense that this was the first time she had spoken to Edward about the abuse, judging by the small change in his facial expression. We both knew that this was the case, but hearing her say it made it feel a whole lot real. Edward must have dealt with a lot of abuse cases in his job, but I could tell he had been upset by this. "How did he hu-" Edward prodded further, but Lilla had already cut him off. She was weirdly keen to talk. "It started with him just keeping me locked inside all the time... I didn't like that, but I guess it wasn't exactly wrong of him. He would come home late at night and would be acting odd. I didn't understand why at the time... I was young. I didn't realise he was drinking," she began to explain before taking a pause to lift her cup of water to her lips with both her hands. I tried to help her with it, but she shook her head as if assuring me that she was fine on her own.

"He began to hit me. Of course it hurt, but he never did any real damage. I didn't go to school, and we never had visitors so I had no way of telling anyone. Over the years it got worse, and he'd kick me. Kicking me in the ribs mainly, or kicking my back. I was nothing more than a punchbag to him... someone to take his anger out on after a night out or if he was grieving for my mother." Her words came out so bluntly, and her face was emotionless. I felt as if she had been saying the words over and over in her head for so long, waiting for the day she could finally tell someone. Now the day had come, and she was so used to talking about it that she was unable to show me any emotion. I placed a hand on her shoulder nevertheless as a sign of comfort, and I gave her a sympathetic smile as her eyes once again met mine. "Whenever he was home, he treated me like an animal. He kept me on the floor and I wasn't allowed to walk or even stand up..." her voice trailed off and I didn't know whether she expected me to say something in return. I didn't know what to say though. Was I to comfort her, and tell her it would all be okay? Or would that seem hipocritical considering I had no idea who her next adoptive parents would be and if they would take good care of her?

"I'm not going to let anyone hurt you again, sweetheart. I promise," I whispered, gently stroking her hair as she seemed to be getting panicky again. She continued with her speech however, but her voice shook and I knew she was ready to crack at any time.

"I wanted to be a normal child so badly, Carlisle," she said finally before her body once again gave in and she allowed herself to fall into my arms. "Please don't let me be taken away. I'm begging you," she pleaded with me now, and I felt an aching sensation within my chest. I hadn't felt emotional pain this strongly for a long time and it honestly hit me hard.

"I know you don't want to adopt me. That's fine, and I don't hate you for it. But please, if you care about me at all, just don't let me be taken away. I can't be put into a care home or put with another family. I can't." She mumbled to me, then looked back towards Edward as if wanting back up from him. I knew he was on her side in the adoption argument, but he stayed silent for a moment before putting his pen down and sighing quietly. I knew Edward well enough now to see that it was hurting him that he had to keep his opinions to himself in order to stay professional.

"If Carlisle isn't able to take care of you then what do you suggest we do then? You're still a minor, and Carlisle and I would both get in a lot of trouble if we did not put appropriate measures in place," Edward broke the silence with his stoic voice. He was trying to get Lilla to see the situation from our point of view, which I did appreciate.

"I just need a little bit of money - just a few dollars to find a place to stay. I'll get a job and work for my money so I can buy food and pay for any medicine I need for my lungs or whatever it is wrong with me. I'm fine on my own - I'm basically an adult."

Sometimes Lilla acted beyond her years, and it would honestly feel as though I was talking to a young adult. However these words made me realise how little she knew of the real world and just how childlike in her mentality she really was.

"That won't work, Lilla," Edward said, blatant sadness in his voice. He sighed heavily and looked towards the floor. He was lost for words, as was I.

"Oh - I guess I kind of assumed you were rich. I'm sorry, of course you don't have to give me money. That was stupid for me to suggest that... I can leave here and walk to the nearest city and find a shelter. I'll stay there a few days until I find work, then I can earn money and live in a cheap flat. I can pay you back all the money you have spent on me here if that's a problem-" she began to ramble on without stopping for breath, but I cut her off before she could continue any more.

"Stop, Lilla. Please." I interrupted her, making her fall silent straight away. "We will talk about this tomorrow. There is no point worrying about it now when you will still need to be in hospital for a while anyway," I said quietly, beginning to tuck her into bed. It was evident she was tired, and I honestly felt tired too. I could tell she was slightly annoyed that I had dismissed the conversation though, but I really didn't want to get in an argument with her this late at night.

Edward paused there for a while and watched her before he packed up a few minutes later. I don't think he liked ending their session on such a bad note, and I know he never liked leaving her when she was upset. He pulled out a business card from his wallet and placed it next to the phone on her bedside table. "You know you can phone me if you ever need to talk?" Edward whispered to her, and Lilla simply gave him a nod. "Don't worry, Dr Masen. I'm fine. I just get worried and panicky when I think about the future. I'm fine, I promise." Lilla replied, and I felt that perhaps she was trying to reassure him that she wasn't suicidal. "Everything will sort itself out." Edward said quietly to her with a small smile, before his stare turned to me.

"Carlisle, can we have a talk? Outside?" Edward muttered, and I looked towards Lilla for her approval. She gave a nod in our direction, and we both left the room and shut the door quietly.

"_You have to adopt her_," Edward said bluntly to me, a look of seriousness in his eyes I rarely saw.

"You know why I can't..." I replied, but I knew Edward was not going to take no for an answer this time.

"She's stable at the moment with the help of antidepressants. I really don't want to risk her going backwards again," Edward explained, biting his lip after he spoke. "Pretend I didn't say that. She really didn't want you to know." I had an idea that had been the case. Recently there had been a new addition to her paper cup full of pills every morning. Suspiciously soon after she had started seeing Edward a new blue pill had appeared, so I had guessed she was being given something behind my back anyway. "I've already breached her confidentiality, so I may as well tell you now what she told me. She said that having the hope of having a real family is what has kept her going. She told me it gives her hope to stay alive. I've tried not to be sucked into her story, but when you see inside her head like I do, it's impossible not to."

"Edward, are you sure this is what you think is best? Are you sure this isn't your emotions talking?" I questioned him after a pause, my gaze remaining on Lilla through the window.

"It's the only way for her to be happy. I've seen enough cases like this to know she will never find another home. She will be in an institution till she's eighteen, with people looking after her who are only doing it to earn enough money to feed their own families. Nobody will actually love her like you do." He said, and I honestly felt the passion in his voice as he spoke. Part of me felt proud - proud of seeing the compassionate man he had become. At last I had seen just how good a doctor he really was. I could see he was doing his job because he cares for his patients, which many doctors did not nowadays.

"I'll speak to Esme." I said, my voice low as I was conscious of the fact Lilla had turned her attention to us at the window. She was staring straight at me, and it felt like she was trying to get my attention. Either that or she was attempting to listen in to our conversation. "You okay, Lilla?" I asked as I opened her door, looking over at all her machines to check she was stable. "I'm fine... I was just hoping you could let me be alone for the night?" She asked almost nervously, and her question honestly took me by surprise. In her four weeks being here, she had never slept a night alone with either myself, Josh or Edward at her bedside.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" I asked gently, knowing how likely it was that she would wake in the night needing medical attention or that she would wake from a bad dream, and we both knew she wouldn't let anyone other than us three doctors touch her.

She didnt respond, but her eyes began to water instead. "Please don't patronise me, Carlisle. Please don't treat me differently just because you know about the overdose now," she said sadly, blinking away her tears. Honestly, that hadn't even crossed my mind. If Edward had deemed her as stable, then I trusted him. "I didn't mean it like that. I'm just worried that your pain will flare up, or you'll have issues breathing. I don't want you to be scared of calling for help," I reassured her, stroking her hair away from her face.

"I just really want some time by myself. And you deserve time away from here too," she said, and I gave her a nod in response. I wasn't going to deny her of her simple wish of some time alone. "You know you can press the red button on your bed at anytime you want and a doctor will be on their way? Promise me you won't suffer in silence?" I asked seriously and she gave me a quick nod. It wasn't so much her health I was worried about, for I knew that if her blood pressure or heart rate dropped below a certain level anyway, a doctor would automatically be alerted. I worried she would wake from one of her crazy nightmares and not be able to be comforted without having one of us there.

"Please Carlisle, I'm so tired," she said quite weakly, obviously hinting that she wanted me to leave. "I'll see you in the morning then, sweetheart," I whispered, and she kissed her hand before resting it on my cheek. I took her hand in mine and kissed it back, before getting up to leave with Edward. When I looked back I expected her to be staring still, but her eyes were closed and she had turned her head away from the window, her body curled into a protective ball like a scared kitten.

"She's only doing this to prove to us that she can be grown up. She knows we will never let her live on her own if she's incapable of sleeping unsupervised," Edward explained to me once we were halfway down the corridor. "She doesn't actually want to be on her own tonight?" I clarified, swallowing hard at the thought of her being all on her own. She must be so scared. Edward simply shook his head in return. "It's just one night. She will be fine." He reassured me, but we both remained silent on our way home - probably just as scared as she was.


	8. Chapter 8

**Josh's POV **

Carlisle had come as soon as he could, but he was too late, for Lilla had been sedated by the time he had arrived. It had been a rough night for the both of them, with Carlisle having to make important decisions with Esme - and for Lilla, who had awoken so distressed from a nightmare that she had to be physically and chemically restrained by four men. For Carlisle, it had made his decision clear for him however - he knew he couldn't leave Lilla in this hospital environment for much longer.

I had sat there for a whole hour before waking her, passing time by checking her vitals ten too many times. There was a serenity in the room, so different from the footage on the CCTV from the middle of the night, and so I kept putting off waking her up. "Hello honey. It's Josh." I whispered as her eyes flickered open, and her eyes darted around the room in panic - it was completely normal for her to be confused and disorientated when she woke from sedation, but it didn't make it any less uncomfortable for me to watch. She sat and stared for a while, probably trying to make sense of her environment, before her eyes began to well with tears and her bottom lip trembled. "He came, Joshy. My dad came here when I was all on my own. He tried to hurt me." She sobbed to me, and all I did was nod in return. The dream had been so vivid to her, and I think she really wanted someone to believe her story even if we all knew it had just been a nightmare. "You're safe now." I whispered, not wanting to deny nor agree with what she was saying. I didn't want to argue with her.

"Nobody believed me and so they put me to sleep. You told me the doctors here are nice, Dr Josh. They put me to sleep!" She continued to sob, but no tears fell from her eyes. She was trying her hardest to stay strong, bless her.

"I know. They were trying to protect you and themselves though, honey. You lashed out pretty fiercely at one of the doctors, and you were fighting so hard to get out of bed that you've managed to hurt your ribs again. They needed to sedate you to stop you from hurting yourself any more." I explained calmly to her, watching her face turn to a look of disgust at the mention of her lashing out at someone.

"I did what? I d-didn't hurt anyone... d-did I?" She stammered in response, looking truly fearful of my reply. I was tempted to lie and say that she hadn't, knowing just how upset she would be with herself. "Not badly. But he's got a bit of a black eye this morning and a few scratches down his arms." I admitted sadly, taking her hand in mine and giving it a squeeze to show I wasn't mad. None of us were angry at her, all understanding that she had been so terribly scared and wasn't really aware of her actions. She had just been trying to protect herself.

Lilla's sobs turned into audible tears and she gave in and allowed herself to cry in my arms. "I didn't m-m-mean to... I p-promise I didn't. You know that, Joshy?" She stammered, choking on her tears. I rubbed her back, holding her in my arms and rocking back and forth gently like I would a small child. A lot of the time she liked us to treat her like an adult, whilst other times, especially when she was upset, she was happy to be treated like a kid.

"Of course I do, honey. Of course I do. I know you wouldn't dare intentionally hurt anyone. You're a good girl, Lilla. We all know that." I whispered gently, kissing her forehead before encouraging her to let go of my shirt and sit up by herself.

"Does Carlisle know? Is he... is he a-angry?" Lilla asked nervously, fidgeting on her bottom and still holding my hand tightly in hers. I sighed loudly and allowed myself to climb onto her bed so we were sitting cross - legged opposite eachother.

"Honey, Carlisle and his wife have decided they'd like to adopt you." I said very bluntly, lifting her chin so she would look me in the eye. Carlisle had asked me to break the news to her, thinking Lilla would be more likely to be honest with me about any concerns she had. If Carlisle asked if she wanted to go home with him today, then of course she would feel pressured into saying yes so she wouldn't offend him. This was usually the job of a social worker though, and I wasn't quite sure what to say or do. This wasn't something I ever expected to do as a doctor.

"Huh?" She squeaked out, her eyebrows knitted together in confusion. "He's asked if you would like to go home with him... whenever you feel ready, of course." I continued, and she stared emotionless back at me. I don't think she could quite believe it. "Are y-you s-sure?" She stammered, to which I replied with a chuckle. "Yes I'm sure. He loves you, silly billy!" I laughed, and before I knew it she had thrown herself back into my arms again without saying anything. Her mouth kept opening and closing, unable to get her words out. She didnt smile nor cry or show any emotion for that matter. She appeared to be in shock, which I couldn't decide whether was good or bad. "When? When can I go home with Carlisle?" She finally asked with a small smile appearing on her lips, and I was unsurprised at her eagerness. After last night she really did want to get out of here.

"Well, Carlisle's happy to take you home today if you're comfortable with that?" I said quietly and calmly, trying to get her to calm down a bit. I didn't want her making any rushed decisions, which was impossible whilst she was so erratic. "You'll be coming too, right?" She asked. "Well... No, Lilla. You'll be with Carlisle and his family. You won't need me there." I replied, and I felt the room fall silent and her smile was quickly wiped from her face. She had suddenly realised the reality of the situation.

"But... but you're my best friend. I don't want to leave here without you." She mumbled into the ground, unable to look me in the eye this time. It was this kind of honesty that she wouldn't have admitted to Carlisle, so I was glad we were having this discussion.

"In the real world, people don't live with their best friends. It's important that you have time with your new family to bond and get to know them." I explained, but she was shaking her head now - not wanting to believe what I was saying. She had no idea of the real world, the poor girl. I think she honestly had believed that she would be able to live with both Carlisle and I.

"I can't go on my own though. I can't. What if I don't really know him well enough? What if he's bad? Maybe it's too soon. Maybe I should wait until I know him better." She mumbled, shaking her head as she spoke.

"Carlisle is a good man. I've known him for many years now, and gosh, he's the best father you could ever have. He loves you very much, little princess." I whispered soothingly, leaning in to kiss her forehead and she gave me a small smile in return. I blinked away my own tears forming in my eyes. I knew this could be one of the last times I see the girl who I had become so fond of over the past few weeks. She had become like a little sister to me, and it was going to be hard to be able to forget about her and be able to move on. She needed to forget about me though so she could form relationships with her new brothers and sisters.

"Carlisle understands you'll be a little scared though. He's happy to wait until tonight when Edward finishes work, so you can go home with the both of them instead? Edward has said he will stay for a few nights in Carlisles house, that way you won't be on your own with him?" I suggested, taking a deep breath in to hide the shakiness in my voice.

"Edward?" She asked with furrowed brows, and I paused for a while before realising Lilla had no idea who 'Edward' was - despite the fact he'd be her future uncle. "Dr Masen." I quickly clarified which caused a giggle to escape her lips. "I'll be living with my shrink? Well that's kinda weird." She giggled nervously, but the suggestion seemed to put her at ease slightly. We all knew how much she trusted Edward. "I would like that...if we could wait for Dr Masen to come, if that's alright." She said with a hopeful smile.

"And you're sure you want to go home tonight? You know you can wait if you wish?" I asked but she shook her head eagerly. "I really can't spend another night here. I don't feel safe."

"Will you come to see me in the morning?" She asked hopefully, then quickly corrected herself when she saw me hesitate. "I mean - to give me my medication and stuff. As my doctor, of course." She clarified, but I shook my head slowly - as painful as it was for me to refuse her wish.

"Carlisle and Ed-... I mean, Dr Masen, are going to be there to take good care of you. Carlisle's assured me he's not getting those cannulas or your feeding tube out of you until he's 100 percent sure you're healthy." I replied, watching her face screw up at the mention of her NG tube. She really did hate that thing and I had promised her we'd remove it when she'd eventually go home. Of course, we hadn't expected her to be going home this early, so it would have to stay for a while longer.

"Carlisle's strict with all the doctor stuff. He makes sure I get blood taken everyday without fail, but you always let me off if I protest enough. And he gets all bossy with the big oxygen mask. He doesn't understand how uncomtortable it is. I prefer you as a doctor," She said with a cheeky smile, and I allowed myself to chuckle at her true words. I was far too soft with the nebuliser and only ever made her wear it if she really needed it, whereas Carlisle liked her to be on oxygen therapy every night and was the one to hold it to her face even if it caused a tantrum. I'd even seen him refuse to read to her until she stopped trying to wrestle the mask off of her face, disciplining her like he would his own daughter. She was never one to hold grudges though and would always forgive him the next morning. I respected Carlisle for that, and I had always aspired to have the control that he does over his patients without being over dominant. I, on the other hand, let my patients walk right over me - probably causing them more harm than good. "And that's why he's a better doctor than me! He only does it because he cares for you." I laughed and she rolled her eyes in return. She was mentally too young to understand it from our point of view.

"When am I going to next see you then?" She asked, her face turning a little more serious again. I didn't know how to respond to that. How could I tell her "never" without causing her to break down in tears?

"Maybe in a few weeks when you're all settled in, honey." I lied, hoping that in a few weeks she would have forgotten about me and I wouldn't have to keep to my word.

"No!" She quickly protested, both hands gripping hard on my arm now with her fingernails digging into my skin. "It will fly by," I assured her but she continued to shake her head with a trembling bottom lip. "b-but what if I'm sick?" She asked, her breathing turning slightly rapid and I had to rub my fingers up and down her arm to calm her. "We've been through this; Carlisle or Dr Masen will be there to treat you." I said calmly and slowly, trying to lower the tension in the room. "But I want you." She mumbled sadly, her cheeks turning pink. "I love you." She added then, and I felt my heart break in my chest. She knew too little of the world to know what love was, yet the fact she had said it showed how much our relationship meant to her. I hated myself for letting it get to this point.

"You don't mean that. When you're better, you're going to go to school and you're going to meet so many new people. You're going to become friends with girls you're own age and you're going to forget all about me. You don't mean that, honey. You don't love me." I said as gently as I could, causing tears to spill over her cheeks.

"If I don't love you then how come I miss you whenever you're not here? The thought of not seeing you for so long makes me... It makes me hurt inside," she mumbled, her cheeks still pink in what must have been embarassment at her words.

"Because you have never known any different." I whispered, pausing to think through my words. "For years you've been without anyone to form an attachment to, and now you've found someone you get on with, you think that's love. Love is much stronger than that, and you'll realise that soon." I attempted to explain, and she didn't argue with me which I guess was a sign she understood.

"But what about Carlisle? You said he loves me? Or is that not love either?" She began to question after a long pause, fiddling with a loose thread on the sleeve of my hoodie which she wore religiously now.

I sighed heavily. How could I explain myself without confusing her any more? "That's different. You spend much more time together - you have a different kind of relationship with Carlisle than with me. I know he acts like it, but he's not your doctor which means he's allowed to have that kind of relationship with you. " I said, which caused her to fidget awkwardly. "We're not supposed to be close, are we? We were never supposed to be close. Carlisle did try to tell me that. He said we have to keep boundaries, whatever that means." To which I simply replied with a nod.

"Even if I don't love you, I'll still miss you, Dr Josh. Even if I was just a patient to you and nothing more than that, you were my first ever friend - so thank you for that." She finally said shakily, not looking up to my eyes. I could hear it in her voice she was on the verge of tears, and she was trying so hard to hold them back.

"You're most welcome, honey. But for the record you were never just my patient, Lilla," I whispered, reaching out to give her hand a final squeeze before standing up and smoothing out the creases in my scrub trousers.

"Will I see you later?" She asked as she watched me get ready to leave, reaching out to grab onto me and she desperately clutched to a handful of my shirt material. I paused for a moment before giving her a nod. "Of course." I promised although I had no intentions of seeing her again. It would be easier this way. "Now you just page me if you need me for anything at all, okay?" I asked and she gave me a little nod before finally letting me go. "See you later," she said, still with a little bit of uncertainty in her voice. "See you later." I assured her with a smile as I waved goodbye to her for the last time.


	9. Chapter 9

**Edward's POV **

It didn't take long for both Carlisle and I to pack up Lilla's things. Just a few sets of pyjamas and fairytale books which Carlisle had bought her, as well as "Flopsy" the rabbit she had chosen from the hospital shop on one of our walks together, and finally Josh's jumper which she was already wearing. That's all she had to her name.

"We going?" Lilla croaked out, still half asleep from sleeping all day. "Whenever you're ready." I whispered, giving her shoulder a squeeze as Carlisle sat next to her bed filling out the various paperwork to get her discharged.

"You have a name," she whispered with a small giggle. A giggle I hadn't heard in a long time, and I could see it had caught Carlisle's attention too by the way his eyes lit up. "Now what do you mean by that, little miss?" I asked, causing her to roll over to face me. "Your real name is Eddie, Dr Masen. Doctor Josh told me." She explained, followed by the same little giggle as before. Hearing her excitement sent butterflies to my own stomach. I really really hoped we were making her happy.

"Edward, actually. But yes, so it is." I chuckled, helping her to sit up in bed so I could get her sorted out and unhook her from her wires and IV lines. "Eddie." She said again, almost quite sternly, and somehow I just knew that there was no chance of her changing her mind on what to call me.

I wrapped my own white coat round her along with a couple of blankets so she resembled a burrito. She got cold so easily though because of her weight, and although it was only a short walk to the car, I didn't want her to feel the cold at all. She quickly fidgeted out of it though, trying to get my coat off of her. "Smells of hospitals." She told me, causing both of us to let out a laugh. "You're in a hospital. Doesn't everything smell like that? Would you rather be cold and get sick out there?" I asked but she ignored me, with a moody frown as I rewrapped her up.

"Here, sweetie, can you just sign here for me? Just to say you agree to being discharged early?" Carlisle said gently, passing her the pile of blue forms and pen. She looked to me and then back to Carlisle, her cheeks flushing pink and I think we both realised she didn't have a clue what to do. "Can you just write your name on the dotted line?" Carlisle encouraged but she stayed still and silent for a while before shaking her head and passing the forms to me. "Please may you do it? My hand hurts," she mumbled to me with almost pleading eyes. She couldn't read or write and she was evidently embarassed about it. When her spoken English was so remarkably good, it was easy to forget things like that - but we should have been more careful. "Just draw a little scribble there then, sweetie. That's all it has to be." I encouraged, and she ended up just drawing a zig zag across the paper whilst holding the pen in her left hand, the way someone would hold an axe. "That's wonderful. Thank you, Lilla," Carlisle said, taking them back off her and leaving the room with them straight away. She paused for a while, looking very evidently deflated by our reminder that she couldn't write. "I can read numbers, Dr Masen," she whispered as if to excuse herself and impress me in a way. "I know, and that's brilliant. But Carlisle and I honestly don't care at all whether you can do things like that. You have many years to learn those skills, okay?" I tried to comfort her and she replied with a nod.

"Right, is someone ready to go?" Carlisle said with a grin as he strode back in, and Lilla began to climb into my arms so I took that as a yes. "Can we see Dr Josh before we go?" She asked, her fingers of one hand digging into my shoulder whilst her other hand clutched at Flopsy. Both Carlisle and I exchanged glances, pausing in thought before Carlisle made the excuse. "Josh has been called into surgery, and he's probably going to be there for a good few hours now. Why don't we arrange for you to see him another time?" Carlisle suggested softly, reaching out to stroke her hair. She looked slightly deflated but accepted his excuse pretty readily, oblivious to the fact she would probably never see him again. I really hoped we wouldn't pass him on our way out.

"Have you got all my books?" Lilla asked worriedly as we were halfway down the corridor, her grip tightening even more. "Of course. We have everything, just relax." I whispered, rubbing her back gently as I carried her. Her heart rate was ridiculously high and I began to hear that cluttered voices sound from her head as she began to get more and more worked up. Despite her excitement, she was so nervous, bless her little heart.

"Do you want to ride with me in my car or in Dr Masens car? We're both going to the same place." Carlisle asked, beginning to pack her things into the boot.

"Can't we walk?" Lilla asked in a whisper to me, her eyes wide and teary. She didn't want to get in the car at all. "It's a bit too far to walk to, sweetheart. Will only be a short journey in the car though," Carlisle replied, trying to stay his normal calm self but I could tell he was already getting nervous about the situation. Lilla just wasn't a normal kid and it was going to be hard to get her to do normal things. I mean, I don't think I had ever met a child scared of cars.

"I wanna walk," she said again, this time slightly more stern and she let herself sob into my shoulder. "Here, come on, let's have you sit on my lap." I suggested, climbing into the front passenger seat of Carlisle's car holding her closely to my chest. Getting straight in there and conquering her fear was going to be much better than letting her get more worked up about it. As for whose car she should go in - well, I think she would prefer to have both of us with her, and I could easily go and collect my car in the morning. Once we had both settled in for a while, she appeared to calm down and her quiet sobbing stopped completely. "I don't like small spaces. I'm sorry." She whispered to me, jerking in my arms at the sound of Carlisle starting the engine. I began to read her Cinderella - her favorite of the fairytales - which she had insisted both Carlisle and I to read to her so many times that I think we both knew it by heart. She sat there silently with her head resting on my shoulder, holding me like a teddy bear. "Are we allowed to cuddle, Dr Masen? Because... do we have to keep boundaries too?" She asked me out the blue, cutting me off mid sentence.

"Not before, but it's different now. I'm not going to be your psychiatrist anymore of course." I explained, causing her to lift her head and look me in the eye. "But I like you. You're a good doctor." She mumbled, sounding quite defeated. "Well I'd like to have a go at being a good uncle now," I whispered and pecked her forehead causing her to giggle a little. It was nice to hear her laugh but I hoped she would get over her little crush on me quickly as things would get awkward. I felt she wouldn't be able to handle the rejection like a normal kid would.

We took her inside and settled her in to the hospital like room Carlisle had set up. It smelt quite strongly of disinfectant and it wasn't the most homely of places, yet the little one was in absolute awe of it and just kept repeating "is this really my bed?" I think she would have a heart attack if we took her to her real room this soon. I tried to put her down onto the bed but she wouldn't let me, and was gripping onto me as hard as she could. "Wanna stay with you," she mumbled to me, snuggling her head closer into my chest. Of course I didn't argue, but instead sat myself on the bed and pulled her onto my lap. "Comfy?" I asked and she gave me a little nod. She stayed calm, quiet and surprisingly relaxed until Carlisle attempted to attach her to her IV again a little while later, where she jerked her hands away from him and let out a moan. "It doesn't hurt, I just need to connect you back up to your medicines." Carlisle whispered calmly, trying to get her to look him in the eye. She wasn't having any of it though and was fidgeting around on my lap so he couldn't touch her. I could have so easily restrained her but it wouldn't be fair to do that to her this early on. He backed away but silently asked me to give it a go. "Lilla, just because you're out of hospital doesn't mean you don't have to take your medicines anymore. You know that." I whispered whilst she whimpered into the blanket with her face covered. "Why don't you want to take them all of a sudden?" I asked, but she just ignored me. I could see movement under the blanket and I quickly had to tighten my grip on her to stop her from doing what she was doing. She was trying to remove her cannulas. "Why are you doing this, sweetheart?" I asked gently. She was usually so compliant and put up with a hell of a lot. She rarely complained about what we did to her. "I don't want any medicines tonight, Dr Masen. Please can you take the needles out, please?" She pleaded with me, nervously chewing on her lip. "But why? They're to make you feel better." I questioned as calmly as possible but in truth, I think both Carlisle and I were panicking a little. Even though I could read her thoughts I could never truly understand the kid. "You'll be offended if I tell you. You'll get mad." She mumbled, speaking to her feet now not making any eye contact. "It takes a lot to offend me," I whispered, giving her hair a stroke to try and encourage her. "I'm just scared... well, scared that you might give me something bad." She said sadly, and to be honest it did really hurt me that she felt that way. Obviously we hadn't earned her full trust yet. "Bad?" I asked with sympathetic eyes, hoping she would sense I wasn't angry. "I don't know. Like a sedative or something."

"Okay, sweetheart. Okay." I whispered, leaning to give her forehead a kiss and then taking her hand in mine. "So why don't we compromise, and you keep those cannulas in if we agree not to pop any medicines in them? I know you hate having them reinserted." I asked her and she gave me a reluctant nod, facing the floor. "Now could you take some tablets for me instead then?" I asked gently, but she just started to fidget again and get all panicky. I had to rub her arm to calm her breathing but it wasn't working this time.

She was in full on panic mode and was suddenly trying to push me away from her and trying to hide herself under the duvet. I did as she wanted and climbed off the bed, kneeling down at her bedside instead. "Sweetie, look at me. You need to slow you're breathing and stop moving so much sweetheart." I had to say rather loudly over her sobs, whilst she squirmed under the duvet and hid her face away from me. She was panting like mad, to the point where she was so dizzy that her head swayed slightly when she sat up, and I had to support her to stop her from falling back. It a long half an hour which was much longer than normal and usually we would have given her some Valium by now, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I really needed her to trust me. "Do you want to go outside?" I asked her gently after she had calmed herself a bit and I had finally managed to pick up a thought in her mind, and she really painfully wanted fresh air but was too scared to ask. She gave me an eager nod, climbing into my arms and I threw a blanket over my shoulder for her. "Edward, it's freezing outside." Carlisle whispered quietly at the door. "It's what she wants." Was all I said back, and Carlisle gave a small sigh of approval and let us proceed. I took her out into the back garden, sitting her next to me on the patio with the blanket wrapped round her shoulders. Without any sign of warning she attempted to stand up, falling down straight away with a bit of a thud.

"You okay?" I asked, but she went and attempted to do it again. She lasted a second longer this time before falling down again. "Where are you trying to get to? I'll carry you." I whispered, but she shook her head and just kept trying the move again and again, getting her hands and knees covered in mud. It appeared to calm her down though, and seeing that focused and determined look on her face was a nice sight. I offered her my hands but she shook her head and continued to attempt it by herself.

"Come on, you can't do it by yourself. You're very weak still." I said, and after a long pause she eventually accepted my help and placed her hands in mine. "Stand on my feet. You just try and stay standing up and I'll do the moving part." I suggested, and she did as I told her and placed her feet on mine whilst gripping to my hands tightly. Within a few seconds she had let go of my hands and instead had wrapped her arms round my waist and was resting her body weight on mine, struggling with the amount of energy it took to stay standing and I could feel her knees already giving way. "You're walking." I whispered gently and encouragingly as I moved each foot slowly, holding most of her body weight off of the ground so her legs wouldn't give way, but I don't think she really noticed. "I'm walking." She repeated after me, a small smile appearing on her face. It really evidently meant a lot to her. She had mentioned before that her father had treated her like an animal, depriving her from being able to walk or simply stand up, and I wondered how long it would take for us to get the full strength in her legs back.

I finally stopped moving when Carlisle came and interrupted, scooping Lilla up and smothering her in a blanket straight from the heater. "Come on, it's starting to rain." He said gently and slightly nervously, already knowing she wasn't going to comply that easily. Tears straight away filled her eyes and she reached out a hand for me and fought against Carlisles strong hold of her.

"We can try again in the morning, sweetheart. I promise." I whispered back to her, rushing ahead of them to plump up her pillows before Carlisle lay her back down. He had already got a bowl of warm water and towels ready to get her clean again, and also to warm the poor girl up. As expected, she was shivering like mad. "Can I take your muddy clothes off? I'll put your hoodie in the wash and have it ready in a couple of hours?" Carlisle asked, watching Lilla think it through. She didn't particularly like taking off Josh's special hoodie, and neither did she like getting undressed for obvious reasons. She gave Carlisle a nod but then turned to face me. "Stay... but can you look away, please?" She asked me with furrowed brows. "Of course." I promised, walking to behind her bed so I wouldn't be able to see her body.

Carlisle discretely began to undress her, keeping only minimal areas of her body uncovered as he washed her in warm water. "Is it always... t-this cold outside?" Lilla stuttered between shivers, flinching each time Carlisle's cold hands brushed against her skin. "Well, it's never warm here exactly. Whilst you're poorly, your body struggles to regulate it's temperature unfortunately. I'm not trying to be boring keeping you inside, I'm just trying to keep you well." Carlisle said gently. "I l-like it o-outside." Lilla stuttered back straight away, causing Carlisle to chuckle. "I sensed that. Don't worry, once you're better I will take you outside as much as you like." He promised her, leaning down to kiss her forehead once he had finishing washing and dressing her.

"Now, are you going to try and get some sleep? I don't want to have to deal with a sleep deprived grumpy Lilla tomorrow." Carlisle laughed. "Can I sleep with you?" She asked ever so innocently, reaching out and holding onto a corner of his shirt so he wouldn't walk away. "See, I've put you next to my desk so I can stay with you whilst you sleep?" Carlisle smiled, but I knew that wasn't what she had meant. She wanted to sleep in his arms.

"I'm getting tired myself now you mention it," I interrupted, kicking off my shoes and settling next to her in the bed. I doubted Carlisle was going to give her the cuddles she wanted due to how much paperwork he had to catch up on, and figured Lilla could do with getting more comfortable around me. There was enough room to have a bit of a gap between us, so I gave her space so she could decide whether she wanted a cuddle or not. She edged near me and eventually rested her head on my shoulder. She was all tensed up, and she had blatantly wanted Carlisle to be the one to cuddle her, but she snuggled into me nevertheless with a content sleepy look on her face. "Okay, well night night sleepy heads." Carlisle said with a smile, leaning down to kiss her cheek and Lilla did the same in return after reaching out to trace his face with her fingers. She always did that to people, and I could only assume that perhaps her sight wasn't great and she did it as a way of feeling someone's features, the way a baby learnt to recognise people. Taking her to an eye doctor could wait though, as well as going to the dentist which she also desperately needed. I think we would probably keep putting it off for a while though, not wanting to put her through the trauma.

We waited until Lilla was well and truly out of it before I gave Carlisle the signal to give Lilla her meds we had failed to give her earlier. Her body flinched a little at the sound of Carlisle snapping on a pair of gloves, but fortunately she didn't wake. He readjusted the cannula she had managed to dislodge earlier before injecting her usual cocktail of drugs. "Are you sure you're okay there? She's in such a deep sleep she wouldn't notice if you left her," he asked me, very much aware of how I had been pinned down to the bed by her little body draped over mine. "It's fine. I think I should stay in case she does wake," I whispered. "Did you see her earlier? She couldn't even stand up, let alone walk. Her body's just all fucked from having to crawl everywhere," I said whilst trying to keep my voice down, stroking the little ones hair as she whimpered in her sleep. "She's walked before, so she'll walk again. As desperate as she is to be normal, we just have to make sure we take it slow." Carlisle replied in his usual calm and professional manner, so stoic on the surface yet inside I knew it broke his heart too. "We have to prioritise what is most important. I think learning how to eat and training her body to keep food down is probably our biggest priority before walking." He said, walking towards her file and having a flick through. "All she eats is mashed banana. Josh has tried her on more solid foods but she can't physically chew them because of the pain. She needs her teeth looking at but it seems cruel to scare her even more," I said, and Carlisle sighed and just stared at Lilla with sympathetic eyes. "It doesn't have to be scary, I guess. You've seen how relaxed she can be when Josh and I examine her now. Sure, she may not enjoy it, but she's proved she is very capable of staying calm."

As true as Carlisle's words were, I knew I just wouldn't be able to bring myself to sit her in a dentists chair and subject her to any more pain. Perhaps that was why I could never be a physician like Carlisle. I found it hard to carry out tests and treatments when I knew it would inflict pain on people, even when I knew it was to help them. It didn't help that I could always hear their scared and pained thoughts constantly. And so I settled for psychiatry, where although I still owned a stethoscope and had to carry out the odd blood test on a patient or inject a sedative, the treatment was far less invasive.

"Anyway, I'm sure she'll do whatever it takes to have that NG tube taken out of her," Carlisle said with a little chuckle. Lilla must have moaned about that thing at least twenty times a day in the time that we had known her and had been the cause of many tantrums.

"I'll leave you two in peace. Just press the buzzer if you need me,'" Carlisle said and adjusted the duvet around us to get us more comfortable. He was finally going for a hunt which was hard to find time for nowadays. I hoped Lilla would settle down with me and the rest of us very soon so she could become less reliant on the man.


	10. Chapter 10

_**OOC: Thanks for the reviews and favourites! More Cullens are coming your way ;-) My uni exams have started now but hopefully will still be updating slowly but surely :-) **_

**Carlisle's POV**

The social worker assured us that Lilla was settling in well and seemed very happy with us. Her confidence levels had greatly improved since moving in, even if that meant just being able to smile and say hello to her family members she hadn't quite clicked with yet. I had tried to teach Lilla some "go-to lines" for when she did feel awkward, especially around the women. She had learnt those pretty quickly, but still her social skills weren't quite one hundred percent and I'd sometimes hear Lilla telling Esme "the weather is lovely today" multiple times a day, even if it was wet and stormy outside. I kept making a mental note to teach her more of those conversation starters since I couldn't quite bring myself to burst her bubble and mention she was using the weather line too much.

Surprisingly, of all her new family, she seemed to have bonded best with Jasper. He had admitted to me just how hard he had been finding it, but he tried his best, and Jasper was always straight away by her side to calm her down if she had got herself into a panic or had become upset after a nightmare. I guess she had been conditioned to associate Jasper with the happiness he manipulated her to feel, which I wasn't quite sure I morally agreed with. There was going to come times when Jasper wasn't around to always be there to calm her down, but I guess for now it was useful to keep her calm whilst she was still settling in. Jasper also didn't talk a lot, mainly because of the pain and ache he felt when she draped her warm body over his, which Lilla really seemed to like. We had quickly learnt she wasn't the best at communication with people she didn't know so well, so it was probably a relief for her to find someone who she didn't necessarily have to talk to. They just sat together in silence, and Lilla would look so calm and content. It was hard to tell how her genuine mood and mental health was when she was constantly being manipulated by Jasper. Of course she had her down days where she would refuse to leave her bed or even talk a word to me, but we had been assured that was normal, and overall she seemed okay. I would hope she would speak up to Edward if she was in trouble.

I had pretty much taken a month of work off now, just doing night shifts a couple of nights a week and doing all my admin from my desk next to her bed. I dreaded the day I'd have to go back properly, since although she did like being left to her own devices, she had admitted she liked my presence at the back of her room. Just hearing me tap away at my computer seemed to bring her comfort.

I tried hard to act more as her father instead of her doctor, but she still called me 'Carlisle' - even accidentally 'Doctor Carlisle' on occasions! I wasn't quite sure whether she had fully understood the adoption was final, or whether she just would never consider me as her dad. It's pathetic, but my heart would drop inside my chest each time she referred to me by my first name. I wanted nothing more than to be a "daddy" to her, but I understood it would take time. I tried to be patient, and Edward and I split the medical care as equally as we could between us to stop me from looking like the "bad guy". Blood tests, occasional chest x-rays and daily vitals were very much still part of her schedule and I tried my best to stop her from associating me with all that since it had caused some tears and tantrums at the beginning. She wanted cuddles from me, not for me to be sticking needles into her and asking personal questions about menstruation and bowel movements, and she made that very clear at the beginning. "That's for doctor Josh to know," she would tell me very sternly, or wiggle about and tug the stethoscope out my ears when I listened to her chest. I guess she was pretty childlike in that sense, but I never ever shouted at her. Even if she used physical violence with us (which unfortunately had happened a couple of times, but Edward had assured us was very normal given her upbringing). Afterwards she would curl herself into a protective ball with her arms defending her face, and we would just have to calmly tell her that it was inappropriate behaviour and try to show no sign of anger to the terrified kid who honestly seemed to be scared that we would hurt her back. We couldn't risk her losing her trust in us. The first week had been difficult, for she missed Josh badly and she wasn't used to me doing all those medical things to her. She still brought him up every once in a while, and be upset for an hour after we told her "you'll see him soon", but it was nothing we couldn't handle and she seemed to get over it by making another bracelet or drawing which I assured her I was passing onto him.

Emmett and Rosalie had been teaching her how to walk! Successfully too, for Lilla could now walk a good ten metres or so before her legs would weaken and she would have to sit down. Emmett had become particularly determined, and when I had mentioned getting a occupational therapist or physio in to help her with walking stairs, he only upped her 'training hours' more and began working in the swimming pool with her to strengthen her legs. He had adopted this case as his own, and he was so desperate for her to be able to walk again. I saw just how proud she was making him when she could stay on her feet for a little longer each day. I wasn't quite sure I was doing what was best for her, since her knees were still out of alignment when she walked and there was an obvious limp, but I'm not sure Lilla would want a therapist to be helping her either. She had finally learnt to trust Emmett so gathered I should leave them be, offering my support and advice if needed.  
Rosalie joined in once in a while, being there to encourage her or being the one to pick Lilla up and carry her away if she had become too tired. I don't think she particularly liked having the human in the house, but she tried to accept it and did her best to come across as friendly as she could to the girl.

"I've been thinking, and I thought it might be nice to pick some flowers out the garden? To give to Rosalie to say thanks for her help with my walking. I don't know, I kind of find it hard to say, so flowers might be easier." She randomly said one day, glancing towards me at the computer behind her bed. I stopped what I was doing and wheeled my chair over to her and gave an approving nod. "That does sound a thoughtful idea. There can't be many flowers out there this time of year though; would you like me to take you to a florist instead? There's one just in town." I suggested, causing her to furrow her eyebrows. "Florist?" She repeated back at me in confused and I gave another nod. "A little shop that sells bouquets of lots and lots of wonderful flowers like the ones on the television. Far better than the ones you get in the garden." I explained, but she wiggled in her bed slightly and began to sink down into her duvet. "You can go on your own, right?" She asked timidly and I couldn't help but smirk in response. "But it's your idea! Don't you want to pick something out for her? You probably know her favourite colours far better than I do. We could get some bouquets for the other girls too if you'd like." I tried to persuade her, but I knew she hated doing things outside her comfort zone even if it was something as simple as going to a shop. I could tell she did want to go, but she was scared, bless her. "I won't be able to stand up for that long," she mumbled, looking as though she wished she had never suggested it now. "I'll take you in your wheelchair," I replied before wheeling myself back a couple of metres to give her some space. If she really didn't want to go then there was no point trying to persuade her. Perhaps she wasn't quite ready yet.

"You're gonna refuse to go on your own, aren't you?" She asked me in a mumble after contemplating the idea for a while. I gave her a nod, and she gave me a shrug back. "I'll come then." She finally said sounding very defeated, so I just gave a chuckle in response and began to sort out some proper clothes for her instead of her usual pyjamas.  
And so we went into town. Luckily, Edward had taken her on a few drives around the area to try and desensitise her to being in a car, so the journey wasn't too difficult - just a little bit of apprehension at the beginning.

She liked it in the florists, and she really was in her element meticulously choosing all the different colours and types of flowers for each of the ladies. Unfortunately when I took her to the counter for the little old lady to put the bouquets together for us, Lilla completely seized up and wasn't able to get a single word out. "What colour tissue paper, dearest?" She would ask but the poor kid would just shake her head and look to me to intervene despite how much encouragement I'd give her. Just as I thought her social skills were improving, I had been proven wrong The elderly lady looked down on Lilla with sympathetic eyes and repeated the question a few times over but in a louder and slower voice, probably assuming she had some kind of learning difficulty, and she made up a little bouquet for Lilla out of sympathy. I assured her it wasn't necessary and that she had no need to feel bad, but the lady insisted anyway. As kind as it was, I didn't like people taking pity on her like that. Lilla had mentioned that was why she hated leaving the house in her wheelchair, for she just wanted to be normal. She was pretty deflated after that, and she wheeled herself to the door of the shop whilst I stayed at the back choosing cards to go with the flowers and settling the bill. Maybe it had been a bad idea to make her come with me after all.

"Hey, you." I whispered as I came back with the three bouquets and Lilla's small set of pink roses I had tried to hide, and I hooked the bags onto the handles of her chair. She didn't react to me, but stayed staring out the window. "What have you seen?" I asked, crouching down to her level and staring at the same spot. There was a small boutique opposite I hadn't noticed before, it's outer sign decorated a powder pink colour. There were mannequins in the windows wearing leotards and tutus, and a small logo of a little girl in a typical ballerina pose. "Looks like a dance shop to me, Lilla. You like the look of it?" I asked gently, but she gave me a shrug and her gaze was broken as she faced the floor. "Let's go home," she said flatly, and I proceeded to leave the shop but instead wheeled her closer to the window of the little boutique. "Come on, let's take a look inside," I suggested but she straight away shook her head and let out a moan. "I can't go in a dance shop in a wheelchair, they'll think I'm weird." She moaned at me, her eyes full of tears now. "Nobody thinks your weird, okay sweetheart? If anybody treated you differently because of your chair then they'll have me to answer to." I whispered after crouching back down in front of her. She still didn't look convinced and carried on shaking her head. "Okay, we'll go in there and tell them I'm the dancer then, yes? We will tell them that your ol' dad is wanting a pink tutu for his first ballet lesson." I laughed, and a small smile appeared on her lips and she let out a little giggle too.

She finally gave me a reluctant nod and I wheeled her into the shop, straight away greeted by lady about my age who must have been watching our ordeal ouside. "How can I help you today, sir and little miss?" She asked politely, whilst Lilla just stared at all the walls, seeming to be in absolute awe. "I've just started a beginners ballet class myself so wanted to have a look for some dance wear. I think my daughter Lilla would like to have a quiet browse too if that's alright?" I asked, giving the shop assistant a subtle wink at the mentioning of my ballet class. She gave me a knowing look in return and an understanding smile. "Of course, sir. Here, I'll take you over to the menswear at the back of the store. Our girls clothes and shoes are just here, Lilla, if you want to take a little look and I can come help if needed?" The woman said, and Lilla gave a little nod in return. The assistant had obviously understood my hint at why we were here and leaving Lilla to her own devices, which I was extremely grateful for. "Afraid she's going to be judged, huh?" The assistant asked as she took me away towards the back of the store, looking sympathetically towards me. "I think she was a little bit embarrassed to come. But her eyes just lit up when she saw those beautifully dressed mannequins in the window, and I had to bring her in." I replied in a hushed voice, pretending to browse at the menswear when Lilla glanced back at me. "There's no need to be embarrassed. Anyone that is at all interested in dance is welcome here." The assistant assured me, getting on with some tidying of the store. "_Carlisle?_" I heard Lilla ask, and I straight away rushed to her side. "Carlisle, aren't these photos beautiful?" She asked, pointing to the various framed photos on the wall. Girls in glorious white tutus standing on their very tippy toes, whilst some were held in elegant positions by their partners. I don't think I appreciated it quite in the same way as Lilla did but I gave her a nod and tried my best to be enthusiastic. "Very beautiful." I whispered, and she wheeled herself to a drawer full of little pink ballet slippers, picking a pair up and bringing it to her face where she smelt the leather with a little smile on her face. I think it was sentimental to her. "Do you want to try some on?" I asked her, but she straight away shook her head and tried to wheel herself away. "Come on, why not?" I asked, holding the handle of her chair strongly to stop her from moving. "I'm not a dancer, there's no point." She mumbled, but I refused to listen to her and instead tried to find a demo shoe that looked her size. "You can learn, sweetheart. It will probably only be a few more weeks till you're strong enough to take a class." I encouraged her, and her eyes did light up a little as I gently took off her little chucks. The demo shoes were far too big, and so I wandered back over to the assistant and explained I'd need a size 2, preferably in the leather rather than the canvas material as she had seemed to like that.

She came over and sat on the floor in front of Lilla. "I'm going to help you get the perfect fit, okay?" She asked her, proceeding to put the various slippers on my daughters feet, tying the little bows and asking Lilla to point her toes and asking how comfortable they were. "You have wonderful arches, you're certainly blessed with the one in a million ballet gene. Is your wife a ballerina?" she complimented Lilla, turning to face me. Lilla tried her best to hide a smile and play it cool, but I could see it in her eyes she was grinning on the inside. She loved it when people thought she was my biological daughter. "I'm adopted, miss. But thank you," Lilla answered for me in a little giggle. The assistants cheeks flushed pink, and I think Lilla sensed her embarrassment and straight away changed the topic. "Do y-you dance...miss?" Lilla stammered, taking me by surprise since I was pretty sure this was the first time she had started a conversation without talking about the weather. "I did. I'm retired now unfortunately, but I danced with the Joffrey ballet for a long time. Best years of my life. I teach now though, which can be incredibly rewarding." She replied, a smile spreading across her face as we finally found the perfect pair for Lilla. "Have you heard of Catherine Joiner?" Lilla asked, still in her slightly timid voice but I was so proud of her for making conversation, as ridiculous as that sounded. "Why of course! Youngest ever principal dancer of the New York City ballet, yes?" She asked, clearly impressed with my daughters knowledge. I, too, was impressed. I guess she had learnt more than we expected from sitting on the floor watching television for over 10 years. "Was she beautiful?" Lilla asked, causing the assistant to laugh. "Beyond beautiful, my dear. So unfortunate she retired so young. Probably before you were born, so you never saw her perform? Gosh, I wonder what she's doing now. Probably teaching your generation. You could probably hunt her down if you're lucky." She replied, and Lilla gave a shake of her head. "She's dead, miss." Lilla said very bluntly, turning her face away back to the window and I'm pretty sure I saw her eyes glaze over. The assistant paused for a moment before she began to package up the things and escaped back to the stockroom, as I think both her and I had quickly put two and two together. Catherine was her mother.

I gave Lilla some space and went over to the till to pay for her new slippers. "Sorry, I didn't realise Catherine was-" the assistant began. "No, me neither."  
"I should have realised. She's the spitting image of her" she carried on, seeming to be in a bit of a panic.  
"Don't worry about it, honestly. That's the first time she's talked about her mom with anyone, so thank you." I whispered. "Hey, uh could you grab a few other bits for her? I'm sorry, I know nothing about ballet and what all the uniform is. Just the standard leotard and tights and maybe a little cardigan?" I asked in a whisper and she straight away scurried off to fetch the things. She laid out some options for me on the counter of various colours, styles of leotard and materials of skirt, but this completely wasn't my thing and I had no idea what I was looking for. "I'll just take it all." I said, checking to see if Lilla was watching. She hated me spending money on her.

"_Thank you_... for treating her like a normal kid." I finally said, and she quickly shook it off. "Don't be silly, sir. Your daughter is an absolute delight. And can I just say I think you're doing a wonderful job with the adoption. I'm not sure all fathers would be willing to go into a dance shop and pretend to look at tights for themselves," she laughed a little, and I walked over and placed the big cardboard bag on Lilla's lap. "Those are your bits and bobs to look after," I whispered. We both gave the assistant a wave before leaving the shop, and I didn't bring up her mom until we got back to the car. "Ballet gene, _huh_?" I asked gently, and she gave an embarrassed smile but stayed silent. She obviously didn't want to talk about it so I drove on, not once talking about her ballet shop visit for the rest of the day.  
I got her changed into a new set of pyjamas as soon as we got home and she settled down into bed and resumed with the film she had been watching before we left. "You not going to give your flowers out to everyone?" I asked from across the room, and she gave a little shake of her head with her eyes focused on the TV. "You can do it." She said, and I watched her eyelids fall as she became more sleepy. When would her tiredness freaking end? "Please." She added, aware of the fact I was still staring at her for her to change her mind. "_Okay,_" I gave in, figuring Lilla had done enough for me today. She only went to the florists because I pretty much forced her to, after all.

"You made me really proud today, Lil." I finally said from across the room still, trying to keep it casual so I didn't sound condescending. She looked towards me with a confused expression and I wheeled closer to her. "I know you didn't want to come out with me, but you played it really cool." I complimented her and she gave me a sheepish smile. "Thanks." She mumbled, and I left it at that.


	11. Chapter 11

**Esme's POV**

She hadn't been right for a couple of days now. I was used to her being in pain and a little bit grumpy, but this was different. Whenever I did enter her room with a fresh jug of water or a bowl of mashed banana, she would just pretend to be asleep. Sometimes I would attempt to make conversation with her but she would usually just tell me she was too tired to talk, and that she felt too unwell to get out of bed.

"Please... Please may you take me to the hospital?" She finally asked me as I brought her up her usual lunch - a mashed banana along with her nutrition drink to help her keep her weight up. Normally she would dive right in, but she didn't today. "You not feeling so well, sweetheart?" I asked gently, reaching out to stroke her hair and feel her temperature but she tensed up as usual and I withdrew it quickly.

"Is it not anything I can help with? Do you need some more painkillers?" I questioned her, but she gave her head a small shake and went straight back to staring at her toes.

"Chest is hurting and feeling tight again," she mumbled. Chest pain was always something Carlisle took pretty seriously, and I guess things must have been bad for her to be asking to go to the hospital. "Okay, let me go get myself ready." I whispered trying to remain calm, tucking her into the bed and repositioning her pillows to get her comfortable in the mean time.

I went to phone Carlisle, my first port of call whenever Lilla was acting the smallest bit strangely. It took 5 attempts before I finally got through, and despite his calm greeting I knew it wasn't the best time. As much as he tried to hide his stresses, I had been with the man for so long now that I may as well have been a mind reader when it came to Carlisle.

"Lilla isn't well. She wants me to take her to the hospital." I immediately felt awful for saying it as soon as I heard him sigh. "How are her vitals? I checked her over last night and she was fine." He asked, and I could hear his footsteps and I knew he was pacing. "They're fine... but, _I don't know_, she's acting so strangely Carlisle. She won't eat and she says her chest is tight" I explained, causing my husband to pause.  
"Any audible wheezing? Alarming coughing? High temperature?" He questioned, and I replied with an embarrassed no. "Esme, darling, I think she just wants to see me. And we can't always give her what she wants. She has got to get used to not having her father always with her and getting her way all of the time. I really can't afford to be taking more time off work." He said quite firmly down the phone, and I swallowed hard at his words. I knew he wasn't angry with Lilla or I, but at the same time it did hurt to hear him say those words about her no matter how true they may be. "I know that sounds awful and insensitive. I know it does. But she has done it before when Emmett took care of her... she pretended to be poorly to get me to come home. She was absolutely fine." Carlisle explained, and I could empathise with him, but part of me just couldn't tell Lilla no when she legitimately may have been sick.  
"It's not worth taking chances. I want you to examine her. Please, Carlisle." I pleaded with him in a whisper, taking a moment to peep round the corner of Lilla's door. She was in the same position as before, just staring at her feet. I heard him sigh heavily before he finally gave into me.  
"Bring her in, but I'll arrange for one of my interns to see her. And anyway, if she is genuinely poorly then she won't mind who she sees."

"No, that's fine. Thank you." I said, going straight back into Lilla's room and wrapping the little one in a thick blanket like a burrito. "_Come on,_" I whisperered gently and she put her hands on my shoulders and climbed into my arms without saying anything.

"Can I see doctor Josh?" She mumbled in the car, her voice muffled by the blanket which she held near her mouth. "You'll be seeing one of daddy's interns. It will just be whoever is available. Everyone is _very_ busy, remember." I explained and she shuffled further down in her seat and I'm pretty sure she was whimpering. Maybe Carlisle had been right and this whole being sick thing had just been staged so we would finally let her see Josh.

When I finally parked up and I went to lift her from the car seat, the little girl was trembling slightly but she readily climbed herself into my arms for me to carry her. "Ah, Mrs Cullen. Would you like to follow me? A doctor is just on his way." We were greeted by one of the receptionists who straight away began to stride down the corridor to one of the little consulting rooms. Despite Carlisle not truly believing Lilla was poorly, I was grateful he had put measures in place so that she wouldn't have to sit in the waiting room with so many people. We all knew how traumatic she would find that.

We sat in the silent room for a while, Lilla sat on the examination table wrapped in her pink blanket so I could just see her head. She just had this vacant look and it was hard to tell whether she was scared or not, and I wasn't quite sure whether to attempt to comfort her. The silence was interrupted by a young man who entered after a knock on the door, sending Lilla's heart into overdrive.  
"Hello, Lilla is it? I'm doctor Harper, one of the paeds interns. What has brought you here today?" He asked gently, wheeling a stool to next to the table and perching down to see her at eye level. She looked to me almost instantly, but I wasn't quite sure what I could do for help, so I went over to sit next to her and stroked her back gently.  
"Come on, tell Dr Harper about your chest." I encouraged her, as I had no idea what was wrong with her myself so I couldn't help her out with this one. I watched her look him up and down a few times before a single tear fell down her cheek. "c-can y-you... g-get doctor Josh, p-please?" She stammered, the way she did whenever she met anybody new. "Not now I'm afraid. Your daddy's asked me to look after you. Come on, you must be used to being examined by now. This won't take long at all. I'll just quickly check if your pneumonia has flared up? Is that perhaps what you're worried about?" He replied calmly, reaching for the stethoscope around his neck and I tried to help him out by attempting to unwrap her from the blanket. She pushed my hand away quickly and recovered herself with the blanket. "_No._" She mumbled to me straight away, not able to look me in the eye. "He's just going to have a listen to your chest like daddy does. I know it's cold but I can rewrap you in a minute." I explained, but she shuffled away from me into the corner of the room.

"I don't need to be examined, I'm perfectly healthy_. I want Josh_." She said again, barely louder than a whisper. She wasn't sick, this was just an excuse to see him. It was clear now.

"Are you sure that's correct little missy or are you just saying that because you don't want my cold stethoscope to touch you? I probably should double check your vitals whilst I'm here? Daddy won't be happy with either of us if we don't get our jobs done." He approached her once again. "Dr Harper, don't worry. Honestly there's no point bothering. This little madame isn't going to let you near her. Carlisle of all people knows how much trouble she can be. I'll let him know you were wonderful, but if you could see if he's free that would be amazing." I reassured him, sensing that he was probably a little bit scared of feeding back to his attending that he failed to examine a patient. That couldn't of looked good when you were an intern. He gave me a small smile before leaving the room and Lilla untensed slightly once she heard the door click shut.

We sat in silence for a good half an hour since Lilla just wasnt interested in talking to me. Carlisle finally came, striding in without a knock at the door causing Lilla to jump in her seat. He carried a tray in his hands, with what looked like a torniquet and some collection tubes. He didn't say anything but just started to unwrap the blanket from around her with quite a lot of force, reaching for the torniquet once he had managed to free one of her arms from the burrito. "If you're not feeling well, you won't mind if I take some blood, _yes_?" He asked, in his usual calm tone but his words were sharp and I could tell deep down he was pretty mad with her. Lilla was battling hard to get her arm out of his grip, tears streaming down her cheeks now and I felt awful. Carlisle shouldn't have been using scare tactics with her, especially when he knew her past. Psychologically, it really couldn't have been good for her.

"Carlisle... stop. _You're hurting her_." I said, trying to get him to look me in the eye as I got up and tried stop him from touching our daughter any more. He was evidently really stressed out and didn't quite understand how intimidating and roughly he was acting. One of the many things you had to be careful of when you were a vampire was your own strength. It was easy to forget just quite strong you were at times, and I had no doubts Lilla would have a few bruises on her arm by morning with how tightly he was gripping her.

"Please g-get off me, Carlisle. Please _l-let go_." She finally pleaded with Carlisle in a sob, and he at last let go of her arm and she straight away tucked it back under the blanket, recoiling into her scared kitten pose. "Why are you in the hospital, Lilla?" He asked in the same sharp tone as before and I noticed his eyes had become black. He perched on the end of her bed and stared at our daughter causing her to squirm uncomfortably. I don't think she had ever seen him act so strictly and intimidating like that. Carlisle was always the gentle one.  
"_Carlisle," _I said, my voice almost like a growl now. Just the way he was staring down at her was really scaring her.

"I... I... need to talk to doctor Josh." She finally replied timidly, using the blanket to wipe her tears before she stared back down at the floor. Carlisle took a few deep breaths before he thought up his speech.  
"Lilla, there are a lot of very sick people here. There are people _dying_ in this building. We have a shortage of doctors, and having patients come in pretending to be sick so they can get a bit of attention or to see their friend really doesn't help that. I, myself, am up to my eyeballs in paperwork which I'm behind on from spending so much time at home so I can be with you. Please, can you for once not act so selfishly?" He vented at her, and Lilla just began to rock herself in her curled up position, not looking him in the eye. "Do you understand me?" Carlisle prodded in a shout when she didn't reply, causing her to flinch, and she gave a small nod of her head. After a bit of a pause she took a deep breath in before pleading with us both.  
"I'd still like to see doctor Josh... p-please. I honestly don't feel great. I'm telling the truth, I promise." She begged, her voice so timid now that it was barely louder than a whisper. Carlisle glanced at me then back at Lilla and tilted his head to look at her at eye level. "If there's something wrong then you need to tell me, Lilla. Half an hour ago you told the doctor you weren't sick and now you're saying you are." He said, adopting a bit more gentle tone this time. I guess he had finally realized the strict father thing didn't really work on her.

"It's... _personal._" She mumbled, and I walked over to her to give her hand a squeeze. "Personal? Would you not rather see a female doctor, sweetie?" I asked in a whisper but she shook her head and moaned for Josh again. Both Carlisle and I turned our backs to her for a moment, and Carlisle appeared to do something on his phone.  
"I think there's genuinely a problem. Surely she wouldn't continue lying after hearing you shout like that," I whispered to my husband and he gave me a nod. "I know. I've just paged Josh, don't worry," He whispered, slipping his phone back in his pocket before wrapping an arm round my waist. "It's probably about us and she doesn't know who to talk to about it." He said finally, leaning in to kiss my head. His words were true - it was likely that Lilla was having issues settling in but we were the only people she ever saw so she couldn't talk about it. When the social worker had visited Lilla swore everything was going fine, but then that was probably because she knew the alternative was being put into a home. Josh was her only friend and the only other person she could possibly talk to.

"Esme and I will be in my office if you need us," Carlisle told the young man standing at the door who I assumed was Josh. Despite his tall stature, he had a friendly face and a gentle presence and I could understand why Lilla got on with him so well.

Josh gave us an understanding nod before approaching Lilla with a small smile. "Hey little Lilz, how are you?" He asked, and I could tell things were wrong for Lilla didn't try and hug him, nor did she smile when she saw him. She just very slowly uncoiled herself from her protective ball, and threw her head into his chest in defeat. This wasn't what I expected their reunion to be like. "Let's go," I whispered to Carlisle despite how much I knew he wanted to stay, but it was obvious she wanted privacy. We walked back to Carlisle's office and he slumped down on the sofa, his head in his hands.

"I shouldn't have threatened her with the blood test," he muttered and I couldn't argue with that. It was a side of him I hadn't seen before and it honestly had shocked me. "You were stressed. And you're hungry." I whispered to comfort the man, who obviously was ridden with guilt and didn't need any more punishing. "Esme, what if she isn't happy with us? What if we were never ready to be taking care of a child so young and vulnerable? That's probably why she wants to speak to him." Carlisle questioned, his head in his hands now and I reached out to rub his back the way I would do to Lilla. "_We're doing our best_," I assured him, but his words did scare me.

About an hour later, someone gave a small knock on the door and Carlisle called them in. A short blonde girl entered rather timidly, standing a far distance from my husband and I. "Dr and Mrs Cullen?" She asked, and Carlisle stood up in response, reaching out for my hand and pulling me up with him. She wore a white coat like the rest of the doctors, but her stethoscope was missing and she wore a black pencil skirt and pink blouse underneath, different to the typical scrubs all the other doctors wore. I could tell by Carlisle's reaction that he didn't recognise her. "Hello, I'm Melissa one of the psychiatric interns. May I take a seat?" She asked, a little quiver in her voice. She barely looked old enough to be at college, let alone a doctor, and I think she probably felt a little intimidated speaking to the top doctor in the hospital no matter how welcoming Carlisle's presence was. "Of course, can I help you at all?" Carlisle asked, straight away adopting a professional tone as if this blip with Lilla had never happened.

"Dr Rose asked me to carry out an emergency psychiatric evaluation on your daughter and she gave me her consent to let you know the brief outcome," Melissa said, her voice stoic and kind. Despite her lack of experience, I was happy that this young lady had been the one to tend to poor Lilla. I couldn't imagine her scaring her at all. _"Evaluation?" _ Carlisle asked, and the lady nodded slowly. "Lilla asked to be brought to hospital today as she has been severely struggling with her depression for a few days now. The point of the evaluation was to assess her mental state and see if any emergency measures need to be put in place," she explained to Carlisle, glancing back at me every so often. She had very quickly gained confidence and was taking this in her stride. "She's okay though, correct?" Carlisle interjected, twiddling his thumbs slightly in nervousness. He felt out of control, and I definitely sensed that. I guess he was so used to being in control of her health, or at least he knew Edward was looking after her. Now our beloved daughter was in the hands of someone we had just met.

"She... she _will_ be okay, Dr Cullen. We're going to keep her in for a night or two just as a precaution, and I'd like her to be registered with a permanent psychiatrist as a matter of urgency, so I will make a referral tonight. I understand Dr Edward Masen was taking care of her psychiatric health previously, but you probably know that's not possible anymore." Melissa replied, but Carlisle straight away shook his head at her mentioning of the referral. "I will find someone she can see. Edward has already mentioned he has colleagues in mind. She gets scared easily and we have to be careful what kind of people we expose her to-" Carlisle began to explain and the doctor gave an understanding nod. "She did admit she wasn't the most comfortable around women, I know. Unfortunately I'm the only one on call tonight. You should be very proud of Lilla though; she acted very bravely and cooperated very well despite her fears. I'll have one of our male attending's come and see her tomorrow when we are better staffed."

"Can I see her? She hates hospitals. She won't want to be on her own." I finally stepped in, and Melissa hesitated before giving a large sigh. "I think it's best if you both leave her for tonight. She admitted she really hates you seeing her in this way..." she began to explain. "Dr Rose said he will stay with her overnight. I assume they're quite close? He's not just her doctor, is he?" Melissa asked which caused a small smile to appear on Carlisle's lips. "He's her only friend." Carlisle smirked, a cover up for how much it hurt him to say that.

"Dr Cullen, she kept mentioning that you're angry at her? It was obviousy seriously on her mind, she wouldn't stop saying it. I don't think you should see her, but if you wanted to do anything to help, perhaps you could bring some things for her from home? Some nice bedding and some pyjamas, maybe? She had wetted herself a little so she was changed into scrub trousers which she probably doesn't feel the most comfortable in. I don't know, if we say you sent them it might bring her some comfort to know you're not mad with her." Melissa suggested with sympathetic eyes as Carlisle looked like he had just been shot in the stomach, and I squeezed his hand tightly in mine. "It's alright, she'll forget about it by tomorrow. She loves you so much, Carlisle. This isn't going to change anything." I attempted to comfort the man, leaning in to kiss his cheek.

"What happened, may I ask?" She asked gently.  
Carlisle paused.  
"I thought she was pretending to be poorly, so she could see Josh or I. So I gave her a bit of an earful and threatened her with a blood test. I probably gripped her a bit too tightly, and she just stared at me with these terrified eyes and I just knew that had been the wrong thing to do. I must have caused her to bloody wet herself. She must have thought I was going to intentionally _hurt _her. How is she going to get over that?"

"She will, Dr Cullen. She will. Just give her a bit of space for now." Melissa assured him.

"Let's go, Carlisle. It will be nice for Lilla to have her bits from home as soon as she can."

"Before you go, may I ask one of you to sign a couple of consent forms? Just to give us the authority to give her certain medications if needed, and to perhaps change the medications she is on at the moment," Melissa explained, handing the pink forms to Carlisle as he straight away held out his hand for them. I thought he probably would have seen the generic forms a million times already, but he read over them carefully before reluctantly signing his name. "No sedating her unless it's _absolutely_ necessary, yes? And I don't care about visiting rules - Dr Rose is to stay with her if that is what she wants." Carlisle said firmly and Melissa gave us a nod.

"We'll be back in am hour or so if you need us. Thank you for your help, doctor." I thanked the lady as we left Carlisle's office. Carlisle forced a smile and gave her a nod goodbye, before we turned in different directions.

"You need to hunt," I whispered to Carlisle as we approached the car, but he just shook his head and didn't reply. "Carlisle," I said again, trying to get him to understand the seriousness of this.  
"I don't have time. I need to get those things back to her." He replied, starting the car and driving at the upper end of the speed limit. "No, I'll get those things back to her. You're not going to be seeing her so there is no point you going back."

I went back on my own in the evening, armed with a bag full of bedding, her favourite onesie, a few books and of course, Flopsy. I couldn't find her at first, and I was later told she had been moved onto a psych ward. Images automatically rushed into my head of mental asylums from the 1900s which were more like torture chambers or prisons than anything else, and it took a lot for me to hold back my sadness at just how gutted I was that Lilla had managed to get into this position. I knew these places were probably much nicer now, but it still couldn't have been nice for her. One of the nurses showed me to her room. He was rather large, with a stature similar to Emmett's. I couldn't help but think about just how easy it would be for him to restrain her and how scared Lilla must be of him.

"-the on call doctor has increased her dose of her antidepressant for now, but the attending may wish to change her medication when he sees her tomorrow." He began explaining to me, but I was too preoccupied in a world of my own that I only caught up mid sentence. "Yeah, uh, okay. Sorry, my husband knows a lot more about that kind of stuff than me." I apologised, trying my best not to come across as flustered. I had to be strong, for Lilla.

We walked down the corridors for what seemed forever. It wasn't the quietest of places, and I could easily hear the cries of some patients from their rooms whilst others stayed silent and just stared at me as I passed them in the corridor. "Is there no children's ward?" I asked, feeling my voice tremble and he gave me a sympathetic look. "Not for a few miles away. We figured she would be okay staying here as it should only be for a couple of nights." He said, gesturing to the room ahead of me where Lilla sat in bed curled up into Josh. She looked sleepy, but not a content sleepy, just a lifeless little body who had given up. Josh was reading a book to her but it was quite clear she wasn't listening but rather that she just liked his company. I gave her a wave and waited for her to look back at me but there was no response.

"They are one way windows, Mrs Cullen. She can't see you. Most the time patients find it easier if they don't realise we are watching them, especially since she's opposite the nurses station." He explained, and I swallowed hard. I didn't want anyone other than Carlisle and I to be watching her.  
"Can I see her?" I asked, and he sighed heavily. "It might be best not to, I'm afraid. I'm going to have to ask Dr Rose to leave soon as well." He replied, and I felt myself begin to panic for Lilla's sake. "She can't be on her own. She can't. If that's the case, then I'm having her discharged." I said firmly, and he gave me another of his understanding nods. "I'll speak to her doctor, but I'm afraid I can't make any promises." He said gently, but I appreciated he hadn't completely dismissed the idea.

"Here, let me take those things in for her." He said, taking the bag from me with an encouraging smile. I watched him empty the contents of the bag onto the desk of the nurses station, checking everything through thoroughly before placing them back into the bag. "You think I'd bring a knife in to my daughters hospital room?" I asked as I watched him search down the belongings, and I shook my head and immediately regretted my comment. It was his job, I knew that, but it was still hard to see. "It's procedure, Mrs Cullen." He whispered, entering the room with the bag after a quick tap on the door. It didn't give her much time to mentally prepare herself and I watched her jump right out of her skin, her body curling in tighter into Josh so that I could barely see her face any more. "I'm sorry to startle you sweetie... I just came to bring you some bits and bobs from home. I think your daddy brought them for you." The nurse said to her, kneeling down at her bedside and adopting a gentle tone immediately. It was obvious he was experienced with kids, but probably not with anyone like Lilla who was scared of pretty much anything. Without saying anything, I just watched her slide further under her duvet and I heard a quiet whimpering as tears soon began to fall. My heart broke for the poor girl, and I felt so helpless as I stood behind the glass just wanting to cuddle her and tell her it would all be alright. I had to leave this to the professionals though.

"Hey, who's this?" The nurse asked with a small smile, as he held Flopsy at her bedside waiting for her to turn round for it. _No response_. She just cuddled Josh tighter to the point where he jerked away rather suddenly and let out a bit of a yelp. "Lilz, you're hurting me darling. I think Flopsy can take the pain and squeezing more than me." Josh laughed off the pain and Lilla finally turned to look towards Flopsy and reluctantly took it from the nurse with a shaking hand. She straight away began to chew on the ear of the toy, the way a baby would. She always acted so so childlike when she was scared, and it was awful to watch. She just looked so vulnerable.

"Can I take your pulse, sweetie? Just let me hold your wrist for a few seconds?" The nurse asked, and there was again no response but just shoving more of the toy into her mouth and giving it a good chew. "It's been consistently well over 100 all evening." Josh muttered, casually pushing his fingers into the side of her neck to feel it, which she didn't react to at all. She was so comfortable around Josh, more so than she had ever been with Carlisle or Edward by the looks of it. "Okay. If she's so anxious that she can't sleep, we might have to help her out a bit. Just a small amount of a benzo," the nurse whispered to Josh but I saw Lilla's eyes widen a little and she obviously knew exactly what that had meant and she began to whimper again. "Joshy... J-joshy, I wanna g-go home," I heard her plead to Josh who began to stroke her hair with sympathetic eyes and he honestly looked exactly how I felt. It was easy to tell this was breaking him too. "Just tonight, Lilz. Okay? Can you do this for me?" He asked gently and Lilla just chewed the rabbits ear in response.

"Mommy and daddy are really proud of you. I had a little talk with them and they told me how proud they are of how brave you're being. Daddy isn't mad at you at all, he apologises profusely for what happened earlier." The nurse said gently to her, and I watched Lilla finally turn round to make actual eye contact with him and she slowly withdrew the toy from her mouth. "He did? He s-said...he's p-proud?" She stammered, her eyes wide and tearful. The nurse just gave a slow nod, looking back down at her file. He was making it up, so probably didn't want to go into too much detail in case none of it was true.

"How you feeling after taking the medicine?" The nurse asked her, quickly changing the subject and going through her clipboard and writing a few notes. They were probably noting down and analysing her every behavior without her even realising. "B-better. I d-don't think I should b-be here," she stammered to him, but he didn't say anything but just gave her a sympathetic smile. "The doctor told me you implied you had intentions to hurt yourself. We really are just trying to look after you." He finally said after a long pause, ticking a few remaining things in her notes before leaving the room.

"I d-dont like h-him. He looks like a r-rugby player, not a nurse." I heard Lilla stammer once he had left the room, and the nurse must have heard too for he chuckled quietly. "Sorry. Don't take it personally, she's pretty picky with who she actually likes. I'm pretty sure she doesn't even like me yet." I apologised for her but he shook it off easily with a laugh. "Patients always see us as the bad guys. Especially kids."

"Please don't physically restrain her unless it's really necessary. Please." I pleaded with him now, which I knew was the honest reason why Lilla didn't like the nurse. She felt very vulnerable around larger men, I knew that. "Of course, Mrs Cullen. We only use restraint if she's causing harm to herself or others." He assured me, but I couldn't help but think about how often it was that Lilla "harmed" us, just by kicking us gently or an occasional hit on the cheek. Would that be enough to warrant being restrained around here?

"She might lash out if she's scared, but she'll never ever hurt you badly, okay? She's so weak and little that she couldn't hurt anyone if she tried. Please just turn a blind eye if she does try to hit you or anything, please don't restrain her." I begged him, and he gave me a nod although I doubted my words made any difference to how he would act. He would just have to "follow procedure."

As much as I hated to walk away, I was quite soon asked to leave and I gave Lilla a wave despite the fact she couldn't see me. I went home and pretended everything was okay to Carlisle. I didn't tell him about the fact she had been moved to the psych ward, nor did I tell her about the nurse larger than Emmett who she had been scared of. I told him she was doing well and had been happy to see me, and didn't seem at all traumatised by what Carlisle had done.

But I went upstairs and phoned Edward. I told him about that God awful ward she had been put on with the screaming patients, and I told him about the fact they wanted her to be on her own for the night. I sobbed and sobbed over the image in my head of her stuffing her bunny toy into her mouth and gripping so tightly to Josh that she had actually hurt him. He assured me that it was all "normal" behaviour, and even if he was lying to keep me calm, I did appreciate it. My son stayed so incredibly and admirably calm on the phone, soothing me and telling me he would sort everything out. I trusted him.


	12. Chapter 12

**Josh's POV**

I pulled up in the car park of Edward's clinic which sat adjacent to what looked like a psychiatric hospital. It was modern and looked well up kept, and seemed a much nicer place to stay than the dingy old psychiatric wing of Forks general. It was no wonder Carlisle had wanted her transferred. Lilla just sat and stared at me for a while, expecting me to make the first move. "Sweetheart, I've got to go to work now. I'm on a night shift." I broke the news to her, whilst she carried on staring at me.  
"Can you go into the doctors office and tell the nice lady at reception your name?" I asked gently, but she immediately began to shake her head and her bottom lip started to tremble. Maybe this was too much to ask of the poor girl who feared human interaction so much, but I had really thought it would be good for her to do something on her own for once, even if it was simply walking through a car park to reception where she would meet Edward. I thought that she would find saying goodbye tricky too, so it was probably best leaving her here.

"Edward has finished work for the day, so he'll be there to meet you. He can sit in with you at your first appointment if you prefer." I whispered, and she leaned forward in her seat and squinted her eyes trying to see whether Edward was really waiting there for her or not.  
"So...s-so I walk up the s-steps to the d-desk? And Eddie... and Eddie will be waiting there, right?" She stammered with furrowed brows and teary eyes. I simply gave her a nod back but she continued to shake her head.  
"Can't you just w-walk me i-in? I've been on my own a lot the past few days." She asked in a sob now, and I honestly did feel really bad for making her do this now.

"No, sweetheart. I'm in a big rush, I've got to be at the hospital in less than ten minutes." I explained calmly, giving her hand a squeeze then kissing her forehead. "Come on, I'll wait here until you're inside so I know you got up those stairs okay" I said as I finished up wiping the tears from her eyes. "Am I gonna see you again soon?" She asked, not letting go of my hand. "Very soon. I'll make sure of it." I promised her.

She reluctantly opened the car door and climbed out, limping slowly over to the stairs. She looked back at me nervously, and I gave her a nod of encouragement from the car as she attempted the first stair. She climbed all five stairs remarkably easily, but I could see her struggling for breath and I felt sick to know she was struggling without me. I watched her make the final steps into the building before she gave in and straight away sat on the floor.

**Lilla's POV**

I must have fallen onto the floor pretty dramatically, for two women at reception straight away ran over to help. I quickly shrugged them off and curled myself into my protective ball with just one eye peeping out from my arms. "Where's... where's my Eddie?" I sobbed, lifting my head to look around frantically. _He wasn't there to meet me - he lied!_  
"Are you here to see one of the doctors, sweetheart?" One of the ladies asked. They were worriedly exchanging glances now.  
"No... I'm here to see Eddie," I sobbed, starting to feel very very panicky and I wished the ladies would just _back off!_  
"Come on, let's find you somewhere to sit whilst we find out where you're meant to be." One of them said in matter of fact voice, taking me by surprise when she rather forcefully took my arm and tried to lift me up from the floor.  
"Don't touch me!" I cried at her, elbowing her as hard as I could. It was enough to take her by surprise but not to hurt her, but she fortunately quickly let go of me so I shuffled on my bottom deeper into the corner of the room and audibly cried. _Where was Eddie - where was he?!_ The women eventually backed off, probably scared I was going to elbow them harder this time.  
"I think she's Matt's 6pm appointment," one of them said quietly to the other, and I felt my insides begin to twist in panic at the thought of seeing someone else without Eddie here with me. I carried on crying and crying against the wall for probably quite a long time before anyone tried to interrupt me again.

A man about Carlisle's age finally came over, kneeling down next to me but keeping his distance at a couple of meters away. He wore a pale blue shirt and a navy tie with one of those fancy silver tie bars, similar to what Carlisle or Edward would wear to work. There were pens poking from his shirt pocket along with the end of what looked like a syringe. I had seen enough of those by now to be able to recognise them. He must have been one of the doctors, just not the doctor I wanted.  
"Hello, Miss Cullen, is it?" He asked gently, and I strangely didn't feel scared of the man like I did the other women. Maybe it was for that reason - that he was a man. But he knew my name! And if he knew my name maybe he knew that I was Eddies niece and not just some mentally unstable girl screaming for his name. I gave him a little nod, trying to quieten down my crying as he gently hushed me. He had a kinder face than the attending I had seen in the hospital, with dark brown eyes full of concern and I felt like he genuinely cared.  
"Edwa- I mean, _Eddie_... well he's still a little busy with some work. He's on the phone at the moment, but he can join us in fifteen minutes or so." He explained, edging slightly closer to me and offering me his hand. "Here, why don't you come with me to my office where we can have a chat... or not do anything at all until your uncle arrives. It's all up to you." He said, watching me hesitate. "I have sofas and blankets?" He offered with an encouraging smile, which really did convince me and I placed my hand in his and he helped me up from off the floor. "Easy there. You alright, poppet?" He asked, watching me sway slightly on my feet after enduring my usual head rush from standing up. I gave him a nod and limped alongside him into his office.

It wasn't like a normal hospital room. It was big, and homely and didn't have that horrible smell of disinfectant. He was right that there was sofas and blankets; they faced a large desk decorated with a few neatly placed photo frames at each end. I couldn't help but wonder how much just one appointment at a place like this costed. Probably more than my father earnt in a month.

"Take a seat," he said, gesturing to the many chairs and sofas but I hovered at the door a while hoping I'd see Eddie in the corridor. "I'm sorry... But could we keep the door o-open, mister? So that Eddie can see where we are?" I asked, putting on the bravest voice I could despite knowing I was still stuttering.  
"He knows we'll be in here. But of course, Miss Cullen." He said, kicking a wooden door stop underneath the door before giving me an encouraging smile as he gestured towards the seats once again. I chose the brown leather chair, a medium distance from his desk. Any further away he'd think I was scared of him (even though I was, just a little.)  
"I'm sorry, I forgot to introduce myself! I'm Dr Jones, one of the psychiatrists here." He said confidently, wheeling his large desk chair closer to me with my file on his lap. When I was nervous I tended to forget how to be normal, and so I sat facing the floor and felt my cheeks go pink. I knew it wasn't polite not to reply to him, but I guess I had sort of forgotten how to reply to a statement like that. Perhaps I should have shaken his outstretched hand or have said "it's nice to meet you", but it seemed a little silly to say something that wasn't true. It wasn't particularly nice to meet him. I hated meeting new people and I just wanted to be back home already.

He could obviously tell my embarrassment and so swiftly moved on.  
"Are you going to tell me about what caused you to be in hospital the past couple of days? Or perhaps we could focus on what just happened out there?" He asked in a gentle voice, in no way accusative or angry at the fact I had thrown a bit of a tantrum. My lips parted to speak, but I couldn't think of words to say, and so I spoke what was truthfully on my mind.  
"You still... you s-still have an injection in y-your pocket." I stammered, not looking up to look him in the eye.  
"Gosh, silly me. I should have put that away as soon as I came in!" He said, straight away walking over to his desk and placing the needle in a locked drawer. He twisted the key before sitting back down across from me with another warm smile.  
"Why did you have it?" I asked, surprising myself at my own confidence.  
"One of the ladies at reception dropped me a call and told me that there was a very scared girl screaming and crying. A lot of the time I'm not able to calm down my patients as well as you did, and we do need to use a sedative to stop them from hurting themselves or from hurting the doctor. I simply brought it as a precaution, Miss Cullen. I would only use it as a very last resort." He explained very calmly, and I returned a nod of understanding. His story seemed believable.  
"Why were you upset out there though?" He prodded again.  
"I wanted Eddie. B-but he wasn't there." I said quite bluntly and he gave me an encouraging doctorly "mmmhmm" which Eddie was always guilty of doing.  
"What about the two ladies trying to comfort you? Was it that you didn't like?" He asked. "They touched me. I don't like being touched by people I've never met before. Surely that's not that weird?" I mumbled.  
"No, that's relatively normal. You didn't mind _me_ taking your hand though. Was it because they were ladies that you didn't like it?" He asked, but I knew he already knew the answer. He obviously knew I was scared of women from reading my file, and I really didn't want to go into that. That would mean talking about my mother and my upbringing with someone I had just met. I didn't want that.

"You said we didn't have to talk until Eddie arrives." I mumbled to escape from the conversation which caused him to smirk.  
"I did, didn't I. Wouldn't that be boring though and a bit of a waste of our time?" He asked with this confident and somewhat cocky smile. I simply shook my head in return, sinking further into the big leather chair.  
"Well I don't know about you, but I get bored very easily. So how about we play a game? You ask me 10 random questions about anything and I have to talk." He suggested. "Anything?" I clarified.  
"Anything. Well, within reason. But now you can't be annoyed at me if I ask you to do all the talking when Eddie arrives." He chuckled with a wink, putting my file down beside his chair.

There was a long moment of silence as I tried to think of my first question. I barely knew the man and I didn't want to upset or offend him by asking him something socially unacceptable. There were all these rules in society which I didn't know about yet, which Carlisle was very slowly teaching me.  
"What's... what's your favorite color?" I asked, causing him to smirk.  
"Is that seriously the best you can do? Okay, it's blue. Next question."

"Okay, well... Why did you choose to be a shrink?" I asked shyly, watching his eyes look towards the ceiling in thought.  
"I find the mind fascinating. And sorry to sound cliché, but I wanted to help people. Mental pain is often so much worse than physical pain yet is so often misunderstood, especially in people your age. If I can do anything to help that, then that's what I want to do for the rest of my life... Sufficient answer, Miss Cullen?" I gave him a nod. He seemed a genuinely nice person who wanted to help, despite the confident and slightly arrogant facade.

"Number three is, have you ever put someone in a mental hospital and forced them to have treatment against their will?" I asked, causing him to sigh at this one.  
"Please. Tell the truth, Dr Jones." I said after a moment of complete silence.  
"Honestly - yes, of course I have. I don't like this question because I fear you'll dread coming to see me when you know I have the power to do that. You must understand though, Miss Cullen, that my patients who are 'blue papered' as we sometimes call it, usually are the patients who do not cooperate in their therapy, miss appointments and don't speak honestly to me. As long as you want to get better, chances are we can make you better," he replied with somewhat sad eyes.  
"I really do hate hospitalizing my patients. I feel like I have failed them." He finally said, and I almost felt like I had to be able to pull through this. I couldn't be another number against his name of patients he wasn't able to heal.  
"I want to get better. That's why I went to the hospital and asked for help. I don't like being sad." I assured him to which he replied with a genuine smile. "That's what I like to hear." He whispered.

"Why do you talk funny?" I quickly changed the topic, but felt my cheeks go red at his sarcastic insulted expression.  
"My accent?" He clarified with a laugh. I shrugged. I hadn't met anyone who spoke so differently to me before and honestly, it baffled me. The only people who sounded like him were on the television.  
"I'm from England. I trained as a psychiatrist in London before I moved here." He replied, still with a somewhat awkward smile on his face.  
"Have you really never met anyone British?" He asked, and I shook my head.  
"I really like it. It fits well with your fancy office and fancy job. I wish I could speak all fancy like you," I admitted, causing him to chuckle even more. Except it was an embarrassed chuckle this time, and I wondered whether talking about someone's class in that way probably was something I shouldn't mention. I quickly changed the topic.

"Dr Jones, do you know much about medications? I mean, not the medicines Eddie gives me... But the ones the proper doctors give me." I asked, and he leaned forward in his seat slightly as if expecting me to ask something profound.  
"Proper doctors? Charming. I think you'll find us psychiatrists are just as qualified as all the others. I do like to think of myself as a proper doctor. But anyway, why do you ask?" He replied, and I paused in silence. I didn't want to ask it anymore but it was too late to brush it off or drop the question.  
"Do you have my medication list in my file? Can you just talk me through what each one is for?... Please? I forgot to ask doctor Josh yesterday." I asked pleadingly, and he took my file from the floor and began to flick through it as if it was no bother at all.  
"Has your father not been through this with you?"

"No... He said I don't need to worry myself with things like that. He kind of treats me like a little kid in that way." I explained, whilst he began to talk through the various drugs I was on, mentioning their side effects and what they were treating.  
"What about... what about the new pink pill? The one I started about three weeks ago now?" I prodded, and he looked straight back down at my file and paused for a long while.  
"Uhm, I'm sorry but I'm not sure I know what that drug is. You might need to ask your father about that one," he muttered, rushing his words slightly. Something didn't seem right.  
"You knew all the others though?" I said, and he shut the file and placed it back down.  
"My minds gone blank. Sorry."

It was at that moment that Eddie walked in, still in his white coat and with his glasses on. Obviously I wasn't scared of him, but I still didn't like seeing him all professional like that. It gave me that nervous butterfly feeling in my stomach I always had when I saw a doctor. I was pretty sure that was a natural and socially acceptable thing to experience.  
"Sorry I'm late, honey," Eddie said as he walked over to me and gave my forehead a kiss. I wanted him to scoop me up and lift me onto his lap like he normally would back home, but he didn't, and he went to sit over on the sofa next to my chair. I quickly got up and went to sit with him, climbing onto his lap and gripping to his shirt like I normally would, but he resisted this time and tried to remove my hands from him.  
"Sit up, sweetie. On your own." He whispered gently, obviously trying not to upset me but it did nevertheless. I knew they were trying to get me to act more grown up, and I was fully aware that sitting on his lap at my age probably wasn't considered normal; but it brought me comfort, and that's all that mattered to me.  
"I... I came here on my own, uncle Eddie. Just as Josh asked me to." I mumbled, sounding really pathetic as I tried to excuse my behavior.  
"I know you did. I'm _so_ proud of you for that, but can you try and sit on your own for just another hour or so?" He asked. I don't know why it got to me so much, but I felt tears begin to sting at my eyes and I quickly had to blink them away. Convincing the doctor I was normal would not be easy if I cried after my uncle refused to cuddle me.

"Are you not a bit old for cuddles?" Dr Jones interjected and I felt my cheeks flush. He was judging me for it, I knew that.  
"I know... b-but, I feel sick." I mumbled into the floor as my excuse for wanting a bit of comfort. "Here, come on." Eddie finally whispered with a defeated sigh, pulling me back onto his lap, and I let my hands rest on his shoulders. I felt his cold hand reach for my forehead and I backed away instantly, but he held me still and continued with his little examination, pressing at the sides of my neck to check my glands as Carlisle did every morning to check for infection.  
"You seem okay?" he said, in a way that made me feel he knew I was lying. I ignored him and let my body relax onto his, resting my head in the crook of his neck.

"Talking of feeling sick, how are you, Miss Cullen? Health wise?" Dr Jones asked, despite the fact we were still playing our game and he still hadn't asked my question about the pink pill. "I'm...good," I replied, watching him flick through my file. I hated how he knew everything about me without even having my permission. "You've been experiencing quite a bit of pain, correct? That must be getting you down a bit." He asked and I gave him a nod. I wondered where he was going with this since Carlisle usually took care of my physical health.  
"Do you know what it is that's causing the pain?" He asked, his voice slightly more gentle this time as if he was about to break bad news to me.  
"I have an illness and it makes me hurt in a lot of places," I tried to explain, shrugging the question away and turning to Eddie for help.  
"Fibromyalgia, yes?" Dr Jones asked and I gave a nod. Why had he asked me if he already knew what it was?  
"Why do you care?" I asked, a hint of attitude in my voice which I badly hid. I was still a tiny bit moody at him at his comment about being too old for cuddles.  
"Sometimes pain can be made much worse by psychological factors, Miss Cullen. Perhaps you'd like to use these sessions to try and address your fibromyalgia?" He suggested, and I had to grip harder to Eddies shirt to stop myself from getting angry.  
"It's not psychological. It's real." I mumbled into the floor, not able to look the man in the eye without crying. My pain had been a topic of discussion many a time now, especially with Carlisle recently attempting to cut down my painkillers without telling me. I knew they were genuinely trying to help, but telling me my pain was all in my head just wasn't the right way to do it. It was real pain.

"I know the pain is real. I'm not saying it isn't. What I'm saying is that if we try and help your mental health, perhaps some of these symptoms may be alleviated. Or in the same way, if you're pain is reduced then maybe the severity of your depression will be reduced." he explained calmly, but I was done with what he was trying to talk about. I wanted to get back to our game - we had a deal.

"Have you been sedating me? Is that why I'm always sleepy?" I asked Eddie bluntly, turning round to look him in the eye.  
"Honey, where has this come from? Of course not! Your body is just taking a long time to recover. That's why you're tired still." He replied quickly, reaching out to stroke my hair but I quickly ducked my head to avoid it.  
"Be honest, Uncle Eddie. Please." I pleaded with him, feeling my bottom lip begin to tremble. I had no doubt I was going to be a crying mess at any second. The pink pill had been on my mind for a long time now and I was so glad to get it off my chest.  
"What's the new pill for?" I asked but he shook his head, almost quite sympathetically, before attempting to kiss my forehead. I shrugged him away again.  
"Carlisle probably knows most about it. You can ask him when you get home, okay?" He whispered, slowly rubbing my back to try and calm me down and stop the tears as he always did.  
"_No!_ I want you to tell me now because I have asked Carlisle too many times. I deserve to know what you tried to put in my body!" I was crying and shouting now, surprise surprise. I was banging my fists on Eddies shoulders, violently crying in the silent office.  
"_Lilla,_ I'll explain, okay? Just please try and calm down for me. _Deep breaths_." He whispered, unphased by my shouting and punching. I tried to breathe in and out with him, slowly beginning to feel myself calm down and I let my body slump into him in exhaustion.  
"Okay... Sweetheart, have you heard of HIV?" He asked finally after a long pause. The doctor had edged away towards his desk to give us some privacy, so I sensed this was pretty big news. "That's... that's what kids in Africa have, right?" I asked, embarrassed by how immature and naive I sounded. I never failed to surprise myself with how pathetic I was.

"It's also present here in America," he whispered, and he didn't have to say anymore for me to figure out what he was trying to say_. I had HIV._  
"... Is this _bad_?" I asked after a long pause, looking to Dr Jones as well this time as if he would miraculously tell me that Eddie was lying and this wasn't true.  
"It's chronic but manageable when you're under strict supervision with the correct medication." Dr Jones said very calmly, his face kind and sympathetic. I twisted my body back round to Eddie and snuggled my face into his shirt. I wasn't in the mood for talking anymore. I wanted to go home.

"Come on sweetie, let's talk about this," Eddie encouraged but I gave him a moan in reply and pressed my head further into his chest. "There's nothing to talk about. This doesn't mean anything." I mumbled into his shirt, trying to act brave but honestly, I felt like I'd just been punched in the stomach. I hadn't quite realized how much I wanted to be healthy until now. "Want to go home," I finally sobbed, causing Eddie to sigh.  
"Lets talk about this back home. You will see Dr Jones in a couple of days," He said, rubbing my back soothingly as he lifted me up. I was so thankful he wasn't going to make me walk, for my legs felt like jelly and I wasn't able to stop myself from trembling.  
"I'm... I'm s-sorry, Dr Jones. I... I really want to go h-home a-and..." I tried to explain to the doctor, stuttering my words with my tears.  
"I know, poppet. That's understandable. You come back whenever you're ready, okay?" He whispered gently, reaching out to give my shoulder a squeeze which surprisingly didn't scare me like it usually would. I liked him. He was nice and I could tell he genuinely cared. I felt bad for being a crying mess and acting like a psychopath, but I guess he was used to it.

Eddie sat me in the passengers seat but didn't start the engine.  
"Talk or drive?" He asked gently, and I gave him a shrug not quite knowing what to say or do. "Will I have to see doctors and be in hospital a lot?" I asked, the only big question that was really on my mind. Being sick was relatively manageable as long as I could stay home. Obviously I hated Carlisle constantly acting like he was my doctor, but I could put up with that if it meant I could stay home.  
"This diagnosis isn't going to stop you from being able to do anything. Most people get to live very long lives. The most important thing is we've spotted it now and we can start treating you before it can progress any further." He explained, his hands hovering as if not knowing whether to reach out to touch me or not. He was probably pretty freaked out since I had attempted to hurt him earlier.  
"Sorry for punching you. I'm sorry. I really am." I mumbled, chewing on my lip nervously. I could really do without a telling off and being lectured now, but I also needed to apologise. He surprisingly just shook it off, remaining his usual calm self.  
"You were scared, I get that. We just have to work on ways to deal with that in future, eh?" He whispered, leaning in to give my forehead a kiss.

There was another long silence whilst he waited for my command to drive home.  
"I would have got it from my mother, right? The HIV?" I asked which caused him to look away. "Yes, probably." He finally said.  
"So... I should probably give you my brothers details so you can tell him to get tested." I mumbled, causing him to reach out and take my hand gently in his. He had this look on his face of pride, and it made my insides melt a little.  
"That's a very mature thing to suggest, Lilla. That would be very helpful, thank you." He said, and I faked him a smile in return. I curled up into a ball in my seat and rested my head on the cold window and Eddie took it as a signal to get me home and began to drive.  
"His name... His name is Alex. Alex Joiner." I mumbled. I wanted him to get this sorted and make contact as soon as possible, and somehow I'd much rather I spoke to Eddie about it than Carlisle.  
"Okay, and he lives near here do you know?" He asked gently.  
"I don't know. He left a long time ago." I replied, and I felt bad for the lack of information I could give. I certainly wasn't making his job easy.  
"Okay, don't worry sweetheart. I'll see what I can do." He reassured me, glancing towards me with a sympathetic smile.

"He wanted to dance," I said, barely louder than a whisper. I wasn't sure whether I was telling him this to help him find Alex, or rather that I just really wanted to talk about him. "Professionally?" Eddie replied and I gave him a little nod despite the fact he was focusing on the road and not me.  
"We both grew up in the ballet studio. I'm pretty sure I learnt to dance before I could even walk... Mom always said he had so much potential. She said he would make it big." I explained, feeling a small smile creep onto my face. I don't know why I enjoyed talking about it when I despised my mom and Alex so much. It just felt nice to talk about the small amount of childhood I had.  
"And what about you? Did she say you had potential?" He continued to question, although not in the usual doctor tone he had. This time it just seemed he was genuinely interested, and it did feel like I was just chatting to an uncle.  
"She said I was good too. But, I don't know... I think most of my memories of things she said are all made up and in my head, to be honest. It's not possible to remember things from that long ago, is it?" I asked.  
"It's entirely possible." He reassured me, reaching out to give my hand a squeeze but keeping his eyes on the road.  
"So perhaps I should start looking at dance companies to find Alex, yes?" He asked me and I gave him another nod.  
"Please." I mumbled.

There was another long silence, and Eddie kept awkwardly taking deep breaths in and glancing towards me as if thinking of words to say.  
"Lilla, I'm really sorry I didn't pick up on the fact you were struggling so much. I should have been around more and have noticed, and I truly am sorry." He said, and I watched him swallow hard.  
"Don't be silly. It's not your responsibility to be checking up on me anymore. Anyway, I didn't mind it in the hospital. The nurses fed me chocolate custard, which is better than what I get at home." I reassured him, and he let out a smirk at the mention of the custard.  
"I'm sure we can bend Carlisle's arm and get him to buy you some of that," he laughed.  
"It wasn't particularly nice there, but it was really nice to be able to cry and not worry about what anyone would think." I mumbled, and although we were back home and Eddie had parked up in the garage, we didn't leave the car. He turned to me, his eyebrows furrowed slightly but his eyes full of empathy.  
"You don't feel like you can do that at home?" He asked, and I paused before giving a small shake of my head.  
"I don't want you all to think I'm ungrateful, because I really am. I am so appreciative for all you're giving me, but my mind just hasn't quite worked out how to be happy and show how grateful I am yet." I whispered honestly and he gave an understanding nod.  
"Honey, nobody here is going to judge you or think anything negatively about you if you cry," he started to explain, and I felt tears well in my eyes. I thought I would have run out of tears with the amount I had cried in the past couple of days but my body never failed to surprise me.

"I know, _I know_. But I'm trying my best to make your lives easier, I guess. Carlisle is obviously stressed with work and Esme stresses because I still haven't bonded with her yet. I'm trying to act as normal as I can do." My words caused Eddie to chuckle a little.  
"Oh Lilla, don't worry about that. This family is _far_ from normal," he laughed and I smiled sheepishly back at him.  
"But seriously though, if that's worrying you, you can always just drop me a call. I'm happy to check us in to a hotel room if you just need somewhere to cry and have some space. You shouldn't need to have to go to a psychiatric hospital to do that," he said gently and I wasn't quite sure how to respond so I just climbed over onto his lap and clung to him. "Come on, let's get you into bed." He said after a while as my eyelids became heavy and I was too tired to walk for myself. He carried me inside, and instead of going straight to Carlisle's office - he took me to my real room instead. My very own newly decorated baby pink room with shelves filled with books and bean bags galore.  
"Are you sure I can sleep here?" I asked as he lowered me down and tucked me in to my proper bed for the first time.  
"You deserve it."


	13. Chapter 13

**Carlisle's POV **

I had to wake her from her slumber as soon as I got in from my night shift at 8am. Edward had let her sleep in her new bedroom, which to be honest I had no problem with, but he had allowed her to sleep laying down. I attempted to adjust her into a somewhat seated position as gently as I could but she opened her eyes and let out a little moan at the early hour.  
"Stop." She mumbled, but I carried on trying to get her seated which wasn't the easiest when she wasn't in a hospital bed anymore.  
"Go back to sleep," I whispered when I finally got her into position but she automatically tried to lay back down and I had to lift her back up.  
"You've been lying down too long, the mucus is going to build up and you're going to find it harder to breathe." I tried to explain but I guess it was too early in the morning for lectures and she just blanked me out and stayed laid down with tears filling in her eyes.  
"I like it here..." she mumbled in a sob, really making me feel like the bad guy now. Why had Edward let her sleep in this bed?  
"I know, I'm not going to move you back to the hospital room, okay? Just sit up for me, sweetheart and I'll leave you alone." I whispered soothingly, and she stared at me for a long while with tears beginning to stream down her face before slapping me pretty fiercely. Of course it didn't hurt, but it was probably the most violent she had ever been and it did scare me a little. I stepped away very quickly as Lilla straight away brought her hands to her face in defence and started sobbing for me not to hurt her, pleading her apologies. How could I possibly discipline her like a normal child when she did that?

"I'm not going to hurt you, Lilla. That was very very wrong, but I'll never hurt you back. You hear me?" I asked gently, and her arms just stayed fixed in that defensive position. I could see faint bruises on her wrists and at the top of her arms, and it made me nauseous to think that had probably been caused by me in the hospital.  
"Can you take a few deep breaths for me?" I asked, partly to calm her down as she was in a bit of a panic to say the least, and partly because I could hear a strong crackle in her lungs now and she needed to open up her airway.

Unsurprisingly, the coughing began and it was the worst it had been in days. The purpose of the hospital bed had been to keep her semi-upright to keep her comfortable and prevent the coughing, and it really had been working. The coughing fit was uncontrollable and she moaned that she couldn't breathe as the struggled to expel the thick mucus. She gave into me despite the fact I definitely wasn't her favorite person right now, and she allowed me to lie her down with no fuss at all and I gently began chest percussion, tapping and striking on her back and assisting her to try and cough up the mucus at regular intervals.  
"Good girl, you're doing really well," I kept encouraging her as she continued to sob and look at me desperately to help her.  
"Daddy knows best, huh?" I said with a little laugh after she had recovered from the worst of it, and she gave me a reluctant little nod in reply with a barely audible "thank you." I tried to lean over for a hug but she backed away sharply, her knees tucking into her chest by a reflex. She looked_ scared_ of me.  
"I never meant to hurt you in the hospital, you know that right?" I asked.  
_No response._ I changed the topic slightly.

"You did really well with talking to all those new doctors. I spoke to Dr Jones last night, and he too said you were wonderful for him. I'm really proud of you." I soothed her, but she had tears spilling over her cheeks once more.  
"D-do you r-really think I'm th…that selfish that I'd pretend to be s-sick to see Josh?" She stammered in a sob, keeping a fair distance away from me by pressing her back against the wall.  
"No, _of course not, _sweetheart. I was stressed, I don't know what I was thinking. You had appeared so healthy the past week so it was just a surprise, I guess. Sometimes it's easy to forget you're struggling when you put on such a brave face all the time." I replied, reaching my hand out subtly towards her. Her hand slowly crept towards mine and took it. She did want to forgive me.  
"_I mean_, I know I've done it before when I told Emmett I had a tummy ache. B-but that w-was my first week here and Emmett scared me just a l-little. I wouldn't do it again." She promised me, her tone turning apologetic now. It should have been me who was sorry, not her. It was entirely understandable why she did it.  
"I know, I know. I shouldn't have left you so early on, so don't feel bad about that, little miss." I whispered with a little smile, and she forced me a smile in return.

"Why…" She began but stopped mid-sentence and went to face the floor. "Go on," I encouraged her, lifting her chin to look me in the eye.  
"Why didn't you tell me about the… the HIV?" she whispered, swallowing hard at the mentioning of the disease. I had been trying to prepare an answer for this all night, for Edward had given me the heads up that he had told her.  
"_I just wanted to protect you."_ Was all I could say. It was pathetic, I know. But it was the truth. I just wanted to spare the poor kid from anymore misery.  
"I deserved to know." She mumbled, which was entirely correct. I had done the wrong thing.  
"_B-but…_ I understand why you did it, kinda. Just please don't hide things from me again. Please." She pleaded with me now, and I gave her a nod in reply before kissing her hand as my promise.

"C-can I move back into the hospital room?" she asked, taking me by surprise.  
"But this room is much nicer, isn't it? You don't have to go back in there to keep me happy. Just sit up at night if you want to sleep here." I replied, and she began to awkwardly fiddle with her hands.  
"There's no desk in here for you to work at," She admitted, chewing on her lip without looking me in the eye. She would soon have to learn she couldn't always have someone constantly with her, but I felt awful denying her wish of having me stay with her.  
"Why don't we give this room a go today, and I promise I'll stay with you for now. I'll bring my laptop in and get on with my work in here." I suggested but she didn't seem too convinced.  
"_For now?_" she questioned timidly, looking up to my eyes now. "Until you feel comfortable, perhaps?" I replied and she gave me a little nod.

"Okay, let me go grab my things. You get some more sleep, missy. I'm sorry I woke you so early." I said with a little laugh as I tried to get her comfortable again. She was usually a grumpy mess all day if she didn't get at least about 14 hours.

She slept all day, but I didn't bother waking her since I gathered she probably hadn't had much rest in the hospital. Edward came home after work, and she woke up with no bother at all since she was so glad to see him. Sometimes it was hard not to envy the relationship they had.  
"Hey you, I bring news." He greeted her, jumping in the bed next to her and she snuggled her head down into his chest.

"_So_, I worked my magic and found your brother. Do you want to hear about him or would you like me to sort everything and leave you out of it?" He asked, which made sense as she had mentioned before she wanted no contact with her brother.  
"No, _no. _I want to hear. Please." She said eagerly, sitting up with wide eyes and crossed legs. One knee jerked up and down in nervousness, and she couldn't quite keep her hands still.  
"Well, Lilla… He lives in California. Pretty cool, _huh?_" He laughed and she gave Edward a nod, her leg still twitching and with a deadly serious face. She wanted to hear more.  
"He works at the San Francisco ballet school. I don't know much about ballet but if you ask me, I think he's done pretty well for himself." Edward said, causing a small smile to appear on her face. I think she really was proud of him, despite how much she told us he was dead to her, it was evident he really did matter to her.  
"He dances for the company?" She asked hopefully, her eyes so wide and bright.  
"He works as a physiotherapist there. It only took a quick Google search to find out he danced with the company for a while, retired rather early then did a physiotherapy degree." Edward explained, but Lilla looked confused and I could only assume she didn't understand what that meant. Edward evidently read her mind and corrected himself quickly.  
"A physiotherapist is someone who works with people like dancers to help them with any injuries they are having. They help them to get moving again and help them with pain, and that kind of thing. It's a _very _important job and he must be a very clever man." Edward explained, and I sensed he was trying to big up the man as much as he could since it seemed to be really pleasing Lilla.  
"So kinda like a doctor then? My big brother is kinda like a doctor." She said accompanied by a small giggle and I couldn't help but laugh too at her pride.  
All three of us sat in silence for a good while, with Lilla just smiling away to herself. It was just what she needed to hear, given the bad events the past few days. I don't know, I hoped it would motivate her.

"So uhm, second bit of news is that I've managed to make contact with Alex already… And he would like to see you." Edward finally whispered cautiously, and Lilla's expression dropped before she gave a little shake of her head.  
"That's completely fine. It's entirely your decision, sweetheart. But the options there if you would like." Edward whispered, leaning in to give her forehead a kiss as Lilla had seemed to become quite upset very quickly.  
"Why does he only want to see me now? Where was he all those years ago?" She began to question, a subtle growl in her voice which I completely understood. I too, hated that man. Family were meant to stick together.

"He tried to make contact Lilla, he really did try. Your father cut off contact with him, didn't tell Alex your new address when you moved. Alex had no idea he was mistreating you." Edward explained, and I had to try hard to avoid sharing my opinion in this. Edward gave me a bit of a glare in the corner of his eye though, and I knew I had to remain quiet.  
"You know how Uncle Eddie always has a way of knowing what you're thinking and knowing when you're telling the truth? Well I think Alex honestly is telling the truth." Edward whispered, perhaps for my sake rather than Lilla's.

"You won't make me go live with him, will you? Because I kinda like having you guys as my family." Lilla asked in a little squeak, and I felt my heart melt.  
"Of course not. You're my daughter, I'm never ever giving you up." I stepped forward this time, kneeling at her bedside and wiping her tears from her eyes. "I would quite like to meet him again... If you g-guys stay with m-me," she stammered, trying to put on a brave face for us. Edward gave a little nod, wrapping an arm round her and encouraging her to cuddle into him.

And so just a couple of weeks later, he came. It was comforting to know he was so desperate to see her, and I think Lilla took comfort from that too.

Alex was a good looking man, there was no denying that. I remember Lilla mentioning she had originally thought Edward was her brother when they first met, and that was easy to understand. They shared the same stature, and had the same auburn hair and small amount of stubble. It was evident he was a dancer too, for his shirt gripped tightly at his arms and torso as a trophy of his hard work and he walked with a certain poise that Edward just didn't have. As soon as I saw him, I saw Lilla in him. Those ocean blue eyes were noticeable from a mile away.

Lilla had spent the whole morning getting ready. She hadn't been feeling particularly well that morning, and I told her he wouldn't care if she was just in her pyjamas. She ended up bursting into tears and shouting at me for not trying to help her look good for her visitor, and I had to quickly find her an old dress of Renesmees so she would finally be content.

I settled down at the back of the living room when he finally came, pretending to be absorbed in a textbook when of course I was listening to every word. There was no way I could just leave her on her own.

Unsurprisingly, she just seemed to seize up when he arrived. She just sat and stared at him, not responding at all. It was as if she wasn't really there. She finally did speak when Alex referred to her as "Beth", which caused Lilla to shake her head and she looked towards me for help. Just as I was about to cut in, Lilla finally spoke. "My names Lilla now." She said timidly and I watched Alex swallow hard as he realised the mistake he had made. She reverted back to her silent state, fidgeting uncomfortably and not really responding to any of his questions except giving a slight nod once in a while.  
"Why don't I bring down the puzzle you're working on? I'm sure Alex would be a great help." I finally suggested, and Lilla gave me an eager nod. I think she really needed something to divert the attention from herself, and I knew she wasn't great with making eye contact. Maybe giving her something else to focus on would put her at ease a little and encourage her to talk.  
And so they sat doing the puzzle in silence mostly, with Lilla forcing a giggle whenever Alex put in a wrong puzzle piece. She was trying to make an effort to interact, bless her, but she found it so hard.

"You like ballet, huh? The puzzle is of a dancer, right?" Alex asked, and I watched Lilla give a little shake of her head.  
"I stopped. When you left." She said very bluntly, but it was nice to hear her speak at last.  
"Well you can certainly start again. Look at you! You've turned out just like mom." He said with an encouraging smile, but Lilla just carried on with the puzzle with the same determined face. "It's too late to start again." She finally replied, her voice monotonous and uninterested. She was envious of him, I could tell. He had gotten everything she had wanted.

He paused before putting the box over the puzzle so she would focus on him. She straight away tried to snatch the box away, but he resisted calmly.  
"No, seriously Bet-, I mean Lilla... It wouldn't be ridiculous for you to audition for the ballet school, you know. They look at body proportions, your range of movement, your musicality and things like that. They won't care if you have no experience." Alex said, and I watched Lilla's eyes widen a little. I didn't like where this was going at all.  
"I'm sure I can pull a few strings and get you an audition if that's what you wanted." He whispered. Lilla still didn't look entirely convinced, and so he pulled her up onto her feet and stood in front of her. "Turn out your feet for me, gorgeous girl. As far as they can go." He instructed her, and I watched Lilla reluctantly turn her feet out sideways to a near 180-degree angle. "That's wonderful. You see. not many children have that natural flexibility. You're a dancer, gorgeous." He whispered, causing a little smile to appear on Lilla's face. She absolutely adored praise.

"Sorry to interrupt. Alex, may we have a chat outside?" I asked, and lead him to outside the living room. Lilla shook her head at me and gave me a bit of a glare, but I looked straight past her.  
"She's barely walking yet. Please don't give her false hope like that." I said very bluntly. His eyes became sad, and I knew he hadn't meant any harm at all.  
"What do you mean, _barely walking_? She had an injury?" He asked, his eyes turning to a look full of concern. I don't think he really had any idea the kind of trauma she had been through. Perhaps Edward had spared him most of the details. "The sick man wouldn't allow her to walk. He made her sit on the floor all day and crawl on her knees. So please don't try and tell her she's a natural dancer with this brilliant flexibility, because she isn't. We're very lucky that she's walking at all." I explained in a hushed tone, and Alex just stared at me as if he didn't quite know what to say.  
"I'm sorry, that didn't mean to come out so rudely. It's just… there's a difference between motivating her, and giving her _false hope_. Yes, I would love her to take dance classes. She is so _so_ passionate about it. But I don't want her thinking she is good enough to audition for this amazing school you work at. It just doesn't look very likely right now."

"I'm sorry, Dr Cullen. I didn't realise. I wouldn't have said those things if I hadn't had thought they were true. She really is gifted, and I'd hate for her to waste it." He replied, and we both fell silent as Lilla came along and wrapped her arms round my waist.  
"What you doing?" She asked in a whisper, staring up at me.  
"_Talking._ Go sit back down, we'll be out in a minute," I replied gently but she stayed standing there hugging my waist. After just a couple of minutes her legs became tired, and she was struggling to keep herself upright and was clinging to me for dear life. It must have been apparent to Alex, for he scooped her up and planted her onto his shoulders. She was wary at first but she soon began to giggle.  
"You used to do this all the time," she laughed, holding onto either side of his head with her hands.  
"I did, didn't I. Come on, let's get on with the puzzle." Alex said, probably sensing that Lilla needed a lie down. He took her back into the living room with her on his shoulders and lay her down on the sofa. She straight away began to rub her sore knees are she evidently looked quite uncomfortable.

"Have you been seeing someone like a physio to help with your walking?" He asked, and Lilla just ignored the question and turned her attention back to the puzzle.  
"I can walk fine." She mumbled when he continued to stare at her for an answer, making it very clear she didn't want to talk about it. Alex did, however. It was easy to tell he felt guilty about the whole situation and wanted to make things right now. The way his eyes lingered on her body, obviously in shock over how thin she was. He probably hadn't expected her to be so childlike as well.  
"_Here_, let me help," Alex whispered, cautiously reaching over to begin to massage her knee but she flinched and only let him touch her for about ten seconds before she winced in pain and pushed him away from her.  
"You're _hurting _me!" She moaned at him with a frown, and Alex just shook his head in defeat.  
"I'm sorry. If you want to get better though, therapy is going to have to hurt a little bit," he replied calmly but she just ignored him and got on with the puzzle again.

"Did you get tested for HIV?" Lilla asked very casually, not looking up from the puzzle once. Alex paused for a while before swallowing hard.  
"I did. Thank you for letting me know about that, I really appreciate you thinking of me." He said gently, looking warily over at me as if a wanting help.  
"Do you have it too? Carlisle is a doctor and he said we won't be poorly too often. We just have to take these pills every day and it stops it from getting any worse. A-and Carlisle says that we won't have to go to the hospital much either… Only when we're really sick." Lilla said, and I admired her for trying to comfort him like that. I watched Alex sigh and he awkwardly began to fiddle with his hands in his lap.  
"No, I don't have it too, gorgeous girl. I tested negative," he whispered, reaching out to take her hand. She seemed to freeze still in her seat, staring at him without blinking. Her eyes quickly filled with tears.  
"But that's not _fair_. You should have it too." She mumbled, looking towards me to back her up.

"Lilla, that's not a nice thing to say. Take that back." I said calmly, but tears began to stream from her eyes and she shook her head at me.  
"No, it's _not fair!_ Everything has worked out perfect for him!" She cried, almost shouting now. "I'm so sorry, baby girl. I'd do anything for it to be me instead of you," Alex tried to soothe her, but she stood up very suddenly and gave the coffee table a good kick. It was enough to tilt the table, throwing the puzzle off the table and onto the floor, but she was too weak to topple it over completely. She ran as fast as she could out the room, and before I could run after her, Jasper had very quickly scooped her up before she would fall over and hurt herself.  
"Oh darlin', what's all this crying for?" I heard Jasper's distinct deep southern voice try to soothe her. He picked her up and resisted her kicking as he carried her to the kitchen to calm her down. I could always count on Jasper to be straight away at her side if she got herself into a tantrum. She still wasn't very good at calming herself down without his help.

I turned my attention to Alex, who looked pretty close to tears himself. He had begun to try and pick up the puzzle pieces from the floor and was desperately trying to fit them all back together.  
"Leave it, it's okay. I've done this puzzle at least ten times with her by now," I whispered with a sympathetic smile, reaching out to squeeze the guys shoulder. He forced a little smile back at me, trying to put on a brave face.  
"She doesn't mean it. Honestly she doesn't," I said honestly, picking up the final pieces and putting them in the box. I'd redo it for her later.  
"She has every right to be pissed. She is right, it _isn't_ fair." He said, standing up and pacing up and down the room.

"So if I haven't got it, it means we couldn't have got it from our parents right? So how would she have got it?" Alex asked, although I could just tell he already knew. I hesitated for a while, before encouraging him to sit down.  
"Well it's spread by bodily fluids. So blood and semen mainly." I said quite solemnly, and I watched him squeeze his eyes shut to keep himself from crying.  
"So she was _raped?_ Is that what you're saying?" He asked, staring at me so heartbroken. I had hated this man before, but now I could see just how much he really did care for her, I was beginning to understand that what Edward had said was true. He had tried to make contact with her, he did really love her.  
"It seems the most likely explanation, yes." I whispered, and we both fell silent, just listening to the sound of Lilla's cries from the kitchen. To be honest, it was good Lilla was finally expressing some emotion over the diagnosis. She had just been pretending it was okay for a while now, not wanting to talk about it at all. Deep down she really was upset, it seemed.

"And how is she doing? Apart from the walking issues and the fact she looks about 7 years younger than she should," Alex asked.  
"She's doing...well. She's put on a stone since living with us, and the behavioral and anger issues are pretty few and far between, despite what you saw today." I explained, and he nodded slowly as if trying to take it all in.  
"And the pneumonia Edward told me about on the phone?" He prodded further, and I gave a reassuring nod.  
"Clearing up well. Unfortunately, as we started treatment so late for the HIV, her immune system has taken a bit of a beating. I will be brutally honest and tell you that her HIV is quite advanced for someone so young. It means when she gets infections like these, it will take her a long time to recover from them. That's why she's been poorly for so long. But she's most definitely over the worst of it." Alex gave another nod before withdrawing a crumpled piece of paper from his pocket.

"Look, I know you must have spent thousands on her. I'm so grateful, because that really shouldn't have been your responsibility. I've written out a cheque. It won't cover all of what you've spent, but it's a start. And I'd like to make monthly payments to you, if you are happy to accept them." I quickly shook my head, dismissing the slip of paper from him.  
"That's really not necessary. _Thank you, though_," I said honestly, and it was lucky that Jasper came in with Lilla then, as I had a feeling Alex wasn't going to accept my word that easily.

"I'm... I'm s-sorry for w-what I said," Lilla mumbled into the floor as Jasper pushed her closer to her brother. She sat back down and kept hold of Jaspers hand, pulling him next to her. I don't think she had truly calmed down though, but rather that Jasper was just manipulating her to feel it. There were still evidently tears in her eyes and she just didn't look herself at all.  
"Don't be sorry, gorgeous girl. It's alright." Alex replied with a smile, then Lilla turned to look to me. She stared at me for so long that I think she was trying to subtly get my attention. I walked over to her and crouched down in front of her.  
"You alright?" I whispered and Lilla gave a little shake of her head.  
"_I can't do this_," she told me very bluntly, and I rubbed her shaking knee which was jerking up and down in what looked like agitation. I just think she really couldn't cope with this whole situation anymore.  
"Bedtime? And me and you can have a little chat?" I asked and she gave me a little nod.

"Okay, can you go and say goodbye to Alex before you go? It might be nice to give him a little hug or something?" I suggested in a whisper, mainly for Alex's sake. I didn't want her leaving with him thinking she was still angry at him.

Lilla waddled over, holding my hand for support until she reached Alex. Her limp was worse than usual and I think she must have hurt her foot whilst kicking the table over.  
"I'm going to bed, because I'm...poorly," she announced to him and Alex gave an understanding nod. "Okay, gorgeous. Well thank you for letting me come visit. It was so lovely seeing you. And I really hope you feel much better soon," Alex replied with a smile, looking a bit awkward as he tried to decide whether to lean in and hug her or not. He let Lilla make the first move, and she leaned in and gave him a little peck on the cheek before withdrawing quickly then limping out the room without looking back.

I followed her closely behind, scooping her up when she began to struggle with the stairs.  
"Well done, I'm proud of you," I whispered, knowing just how hard Lilla probably found it to have to kiss the man. I could hear Alex get ready to leave downstairs, and Jasper quickly showed him out.

"You okay?" I asked Lilla as I settled her into bed, perching at the end. I pulled up the duvet from her right foot and gave it a subtle examination, watching her for signs of pain. It just seemed a little bruised so I kept my cold hands on it to hopefully bring down any swelling.  
"Do you really think what uncle Eddie said is true? That Alex did try to get hold of me?" She asked and I sighed before giving a slow nod.  
"I really do think he is a good man, sweetheart. It's up to you if you want to give him a chance though," I replied.  
"It's weird. I feel worse now I know he is a nice person," she mumbled, facing her duvet the whole time. It made sense what she was saying; she had spent her whole life hating someone, only to find out they were a good person and I think she just wasn't quite sure how to react. It was bound to be confusing.  
I reached out for her mobile phone from her bedside table, and tapped in Alex's mobile number before placing it back.  
"You have his number now but he doesn't have yours. It's all on your terms," I whispered, and she finally looked up to give me a little smile.

"_Carlisle?"_ She asked, chewing on her bottom lip now looking quite nervous. I gave her an encouraging smile in response.  
"I know I'm being massively optimistic… But do you think I could really be good at ballet? Like… good enough to go to a big fancy school like Alex?" She asked quite nervously, quickly shaking it off and laughing at the question.  
"I do think you could be good at ballet. Maybe not now, but definitely in the future." I assured her, and her cheeks flushed pink. It really meant a lot to her, bless her.  
Honestly, I didn't think there was much chance of her ever being able to go to one of these schools. At the pace she was going, it was going to be a good year or so before she had good strength to walk unaided for long periods of time, and I doubted whether she'd ever be in the right mental state to cope with intense dance training.

"_But_, if that's to happen, you need to continue working hard on your walking. You've been spending far too much time in bed lately, little miss," I said, almost quite sternly. I had been meaning to speak to her about it for a while, but I just always put it off, knowing it was her depression that was confining her to her bed.  
"I don't feel well enough," she argued, facing away from me again with furrowed brows.  
"I know you don't. I know it's hard. But going outside once in a while, even just for fifteen minutes, will really help you. So do you think you could do that for me? And in return, I will find you a ballet teacher and we could start right away. You won't be able to do a lot now, but it might be a more fun way for you to be exercising."  
Her eyes lit up at my mentioning of the ballet teacher.  
"Ballet? Now?" She asked hopefully, causing me to laugh a little at her sudden excitement.  
"Yes, but it will probably only be stretching and pointing your toes at the moment. We can't exhaust you." I replied and for once, a _genuine_ smile appeared on her face.  
Maybe ballet is what we needed in order to give her some hope to carry on. She needed something to work towards since we had all agreed she'd given up on life a bit, especially since the diagnosis. Yes, it was probably a bit unfair and a bit deceitful to use ballet as her driving factor when we knew she probably wasn't going to get to a professional level, but it was all we had.

"If you want to dance, you need to be eating properly too. Not just the bananas and milkshakes," I said quite sternly, causing her to shake her head in protest. "That's all I can eat because my teeth hurt, you know that!" She moaned, looking up at me with a cute frown and pouted lips.

"Yes, but I heard you haven't been doing anything to address that. I heard that when Uncle Emmett tried to take you to the dentist, you ended up throwing a tantrum and refusing to get in the car." I said, still as sternly as before. Nobody had mentioned the dentist incident or dared suggested making another appointment, but it seemed the right time to.

Her eyes turned to a look of fear at the mentioning of it and she just fell silent. "Do you think you could try again for me, Lilla?" I asked more gently this time since she seemed to have got a bit upset. She stayed silent. "You're going to need more than just mashed bananas if you're going to be dancing. And I know you hated the tube feeding," I encouraged her in a whisper, and she shuffled down in her bed as if hiding away from the situation.

"Why did you react that way, sweetheart? Have you had a bad experience before?" I asked gently, and she finally removed the duvet from over her face.  
"Cus the doctors gonna hurt me... Which would be kinda okay if it was you or Josh doing it, but Uncle Emmett said we had to see a different doctor," she mumbled.  
"That's correct. Josh and I aren't trained to work on people's teeth, so you're going to have to see a special kind of doctor. It's not going to hurt at all though, Lilla. Why do you think that?" I asked, and her cute frown appeared again.  
"In Finding Nemo... The tooth doctor makes people scream," she replied very innocently. I had bought her that DVD without realising I was causing her to develop a major dental phobia. _Why did they have traumatic dentist scenes in kids films when so many children were scared of going?!_ It didn't make sense.

"That's a film. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I think they put those scenes in to be funny. In real life it's nothing like that. I promise," I assured her, but she didn't look entirely convinced.  
"Do I have to go?" She asked timidly and I just gave her a sympathetic nod. "Unfortunately going to the dentist is one of those things you can't skip. At least every 6 months for you now, missy, " I explained, and she gave me a defeated sigh.

"Are you home tomorrow?" Lilla asked very quickly, a deliberate and obvious attempt to change the topic from the dentist.  
"Just for the morning. Are you going to get up early so you can spend some time with me?" I asked and she looked a little deflated. Getting her out of bed early was always a struggle, but hopefully this was a reason to motivate her. "I'll try," she assured me with a little nod, reaching out for me to pull me closer.  
"Cuddle," she demanded and I laughed a little with a shake of my head.  
"Not tonight, sweetheart. Daddy's got work to do," I whispered gently but she kept tugging at my arm in protest.  
"You've always got work to do. _Please_!" She moaned and I sighed heavily and finally gave in to her and climbed down in bed next to her. I really needed to stop doing this if we wanted her to act her age, as Edward kept reminding me. I found her pleads for comfort too hard to resist though and always ended up giving in. I'd try again tomorrow.

_**OOC: **__Thanks for the reviews and new follows! I should mention I'm open to any ideas of what people may have or what they'd like to see next!  
Hopefully not too long till the next update _


	14. Chapter 14

**Emmet's POV  
**  
"Mr Cullen, can we have a word in private regarding treatment plans?" Adam, Lilla's dentist, asked after a long hour of soothing my crying little sister and having to hold her down onto my lap to keep her still. Lilla straight away protested and stayed clung to me as I stood up and tried to set her down on her own feet.

"Uhm, I think Lilla will want some input too," I replied knowing that having her sit alone in the waiting room just wasn't an option. She wasn't going to leave my side. Lilla finally was able to sit on her own, and sat on the chair next to me fidgeting with Flopsy whilst Adam talked through the x-rays. Except for understanding that she had a problem with her teeth, she wasn't really very interested for I think the words "cavity" and "extraction" went straight over her head. Adam bent down to her level.

"You're staying quiet little miss, how do you feel about all this?" He asked in a whisper and her eyes widened in confusion. I think she had been in a bit of a daydream.  
"About what?" Lilla asked innocently, stuffing the rabbits ear in her mouth and I gave her a bit of a nudge to remove it.  
"About me spending a bit of time fixing your teeth? Filling those holes in that the sugar has eaten away?" He asked, adopting a bit more of a child friendly tone this time, using words she would understand once he had realised she probably hadn't understood what he had been talking about.

"I don't mind taking medicine for it," Lilla announced, a slight frown appearing on her face and I think she truly believed this was just like any other health condition which she could take a few pills to fix.  
"Lilz, you know when daddy can't fix his patients with medication he has to take them to surgery? And they're given special medicine in their IV to make them fall asleep and daddy fixes them up? That's kind of a bit like what we need to do with your teeth. They're not going to get better with just pills, kiddo," I tried to explain, pulling her up onto my lap when I noticed her bottom lip began to tremble. I silently prayed she wouldn't freak out.

"I really don't want to go back to the hospital," she moaned at me and I quickly shook my head. "No, no... you're not having surgery sweetheart, I shouldn't have compared it to that. Adam can do it in his office, and you'll only be here a few hours. We'll put you to sleep so you won't feel or remember a thing," I explained with a sheepish smile. She just shook her head and buried it between my neck and shoulder.  
"I'm not doing it." She mumbled, and I gave her back a rub whilst mouthing an apology to Adam.

Adam wheeled his stool over to sit slightly closer to Lilla and talk to her at eye level.  
"What is it that you're nervous about? Maybe I can fix that and make that better for you?" He asked very quietly and gently, and at the start Lilla just clung to me and didn't even acknowledge his presence.  
"I don't l-like f-feeling out of control," she stammered honestly after a long pause. I gave her a comforting squeeze as a way of praising her for her honesty, for I hadn't expected her to talk at all.  
"Okay, so I assume you don't want to be put to sleep?" He asked, and Lilla gave him a nod. I think a lot of dentists would just turn a scared patient like Lilla away if she refused a general anesthesia, so I was happy he was still persevering.  
"Right, okay. That's absolutely fine. How about we give you a special gas? It's sometimes called laughing gas actually, and it will calm you down a great deal," he suggested and Lilla looked to me for approval or confirmation of whether what Adam was saying was correct, and I gave her an encouraging "that sounds a good idea," before she finally nodded to Adam.  
"But I'm still awake? And I can still move if I need to?" She asked, almost quite skeptically.  
"Yes, you'll still be fully aware of everything around you. We can create some stop signals for if you need me to stop working, like putting your hand in the air or giving your brothers hand a big squeeze," Adam replied whilst Lilla appeared to be staring into space but I think she was just nervously avoiding eye contact with the stranger.

"I didn't like laying down." She announced after a long silence, as if that hadn't been obvious already with her cries before.  
"I'm sure I can try and accommodate, but we may need to make a little bit of a compromise as it will be much easier and quicker if you can lie down in my big chair for me. Would that be okay?" He asked gently, but Lilla just squirmed a little and clung to me harder, a little whimper escaping from her which I assumed was a 'no'. She hadn't liked sitting on her own in the big chair at all, and she had freaked out big time when he made it move. I bet most kids found the moving chair thing pretty cool, but it really spooked poor Lilla. We had to resort to sitting her on my lap before we could even get her to open her mouth.

"Okay, Lilla, how does a few days time sound? To do the first half of the work?" Adam suggested, having a flick through his diary and jotting down her name into a three hour slot once I gave my nod of approval. Three hours was a long bloody time for her to be sat in that chair for, and I wouldn't be surprised if it took far more than two visits to get it done.  
"But that's kinda soon," Lilla mumbled, beginning to fidget uncomfortably and I'm pretty sure her eyes began to well again. She really really didn't want to do this, bless her.  
"Let's get it done with quickly so you can start eating properly again, hey?" He encouraged her with a smile, and Lilla didn't say anything but just folded her arms. She obviously wasn't happy about the situation but I think she knew my decisions were always going to override hers.

"What if I said no? Do I get any say in it?" Lilla asked me in a mumble, facing the floor.  
"No, of course you get a say in it. But I think you would be a very silly girl if you said no. You're in a lot of pain, so I think facing your fears and giving this a go is definitely worth it," I whispered in return, giving her forehead a kiss. She didn't look convinced, which worried me as I really didn't want to have to force her into this. We would have to if she didn't cooperate though, for the damage would only get worse and I was worried her teeth wouldn't be able to be saved.

Carlisle was home by the time we got in, and Lilla straight away jumped up into his arms and clung to him like a koala. He gave her a kiss and a cuddle back, but his eyes focused on me.  
"All go okay?" He asked, to which I didn't respond at all for I couldn't exactly say no without her getting upset. He tried to put Lilla down but she was fighting against him, clinging tightly to his shirt.  
"Let me go speak to Emmett a minute, Lilla," he said somewhat sternly, trying to untighten her grip on his shirt.  
"I haven't seen you all day," she moaned, trying to follow us out the room.  
"Me and your brother need some privacy. Please respect that, sweetheart."

"What did he say?" Carlisle straight up asked me outside the door after clicking it shut.  
"All her teeth are in a pretty bad state, but I guess we knew that already. There's a few he can't save and just need to be extracted. There's a few more he thinks he can save with a root canal if we can get her to stay still for long enough. The rest just need to be filled, but I think even that is going to be a struggle. She didn't like it at all." I explained and I watched him pause in thought.  
"Would it not make sense just to take them all out and give her implants or something? Surely if she's got that many cavities then they're going to be a nightmare to look after. She'll be there all the time, constantly having to get one fixed or replaced," Carlisle suggested. It was evident he had done his research, but none of it really mattered.  
"She's not old enough yet. They can't do it for developmental reasons. He suggested a full denture but I'm definitely not going to be the one to ask her if we can pull all her teeth out," I said and Carlisle gave a slow nod before swallowing hard.  
"General anesthetic?" He asked finally. "No, that gas they give pregnant women. She wants to be _in control_," I explained and Carlisle's eyes widened making me think that this was a worse idea than I had anticipated. Maybe we should have just told her a general was the only option and offered her a massive treat as a bribe.

"We'll talk about this later. She's been waiting for a cuddle from you all day," I said with a bit of a chuckle as I heard my sister begin to tap at the door timidly. Carlisle gave me a false annoyed look before running back into the room and straight away scooping her up and tickling her belly.  
"I heard you were good today," Carlisle praised her as she giggled and squirmed about, one hand gripping to his shoulder whilst the other rested on his cheek like a baby. "I had X-rays done too," Lilla told him seriously, and it was impossible to lecture her on how she could have behaved a little better when she seemed so proud of herself. We couldn't exactly tell her off for being scared after all, and it wasn't like she bit the dentist or anything.

And so we went ahead with the laughing gas which I think I was definitely more curious about than she was.  
Adam put this little mask thing over her nose, but I don't think she particularly liked it for she straight away began to breathe through her mouth to stop herself from inhaling it.  
"Deep breaths through your nose for me, Miss Cullen," Adam instructed her, and I probably should have encouraged her too but it was pretty funny to see her try to avoid the sedation. She was smart, we all knew that.

"Yeah, as Adam said. Breathe through your nose and you're going to feel really chilled out. Wish Carlisle would bring a tank of this stuff home from the hospital for myself," I laughed and she looked nervously back at me, and I guessed it probably wasn't the best time to be making jokes. "Seriously though, you're going to feel so much better when you take a few breaths of that. I promise," I said quieter this time, tracing my fingers in spirals up and down her arms like I'd seen Carlisle and Edward do many times to relax her. I wasn't a doctor; I didn't particularly know how to comfort scared kids.

She had been sitting there on my lap, taking a few deep breaths for just a couple of minutes and it was already apparent it was getting to work along with the Ativan she had taken this morning. She took so many pills that she hadn't even noticed the newest addition. It was cruel, but it was necessary. Her body and posture, always normally so tight and rigid around me, relaxed a little and her body went a little flaccid. It didn't stop her being scared though, but just took the worst of it away I guess, as she was soon whimpering when I transferred her to the big chair. Progress had been made, however, for he gave her about 6 shots with no tears at all, just quiet whimpers. They weren't those normal shots that Carlisle gave her either; they were these giant metal syringes that looked like they were from medieval times. Thank God I didn't need to go to the dentist anymore because it didn't look pleasant at all, and I'm not sure if it would be deemed socially acceptable for a man like me to ask for the happy gas.

He managed to pull a couple of teeth with not even a flinch from Lilla. The only person who was bothered by it at all was me, and I winced at the smell of the blood and had to stare at the floor for a long while, away from the bloody gauze I watched him mop her mouth up with. If I showed any fear or weakness, then Lilz had no chance.

"You alright?" Adam asked Lilla and she gave a drowsy nod. He put the chair down some more till she was completely flat, causing her to let out a sudden loud cry and she reached out a hand for me. I'm pretty sure she was attempting to sit up too, apparent by her squirming around like a fish out of water, but just the weight of Adams hand on her shoulder was resisting her with how weak she was. She still was pretty bad with sitting up from a laying down position without a bit of help.

"You're doing so good, Lil. I think you can manage laying down for a bit, can't you? Can you just pretend you're in bed for me?" I asked but she just let out a very very loud moan, maybe unable to get words out with the gauze stuffed on one side of her mouth. My chest ached to make it all stop, but I gave Adam a nod to proceed despite the fact I knew she wasn't happy with the arrangement. It had to be done though. I didn't have a choice.

He seemed to be drilling forever. The sound of it sent shivers down my spine so I couldn't imagine how loud it must have been for my poor sister. After a respectable forty five minutes of constant drilling and filling, it seemed she had enough and kept letting out cries and wiggled her feet and legs about.  
"Just a bit longer. Let me finish this one, sweetie. Then you can take a break," he assured her, but she continued to cry and squirm. The poor kid wanted to be out of there, pronto, but he seemed to be doing something that couldn't be left halfway through. She had no patience left though, and I watched her bite down on his fingers as soon as he got the drill out. It wasn't a hard bite, but he withdrew his hand by reflex and Lilla got her wish. I wanted to give her a pat on the back for being so gutsy - one thing was for sure, she was a true Cullen.

He gave her a couple minute break but then started again, catching her off guard when she opened up. He stuffed this chunk of rubber between her teeth so she could no longer close, causing tears to begin to stream down her cheeks. You could tell she absolutely hated it, but it was evidently necessary so she wouldn't bite him again. There was gagging and convulsing as she struggled to tolerate the new piece of equipment he'd surprised her with, but I guess this was fairly common in kids and all in a day's work for the pediatric dentist, for Adam remained totally calm.

"You need to try and calm down for me and breathe slowly through your nose, sweetheart. I've just slipped a little bit of plastic between your teeth to prop your mouth open. You should still be able to breathe fine," he responded very calmly, unphased by her cries. She repeatedly attempted to lift her head up so she could sit up, but it looked like she didn't have the strength to. She began trying to cover her mouth with her hands instead, but the assistant was quick to hold them back down. God, she looked so bloody distressed but there was nothing I could do except let him do his job. Surely this was just her being naughty and a typical child. Surely she wasn't that scared?

Quite suddenly, Adam withdrew his hand quickly, letting out a couple of expletives under his breath. She had somehow managed to bite him, but harder this time and I was quickly hit by the smell of the young man's fresh blood. Not overwhelming, but present nevertheless. _She had freaking bit him hard enough to draw blood!_  
"She pushed out the bite block with her tongue. You're sister is... feisty, I can tell you that," he said with a bit of a nervous laugh, probably taken by surprise at the girl who looked so innocent. He sat the chair up and took the mask off of her and she sat there in her drowsy state for a while, looking pretty tired out from both the Ativan and the amount of fight she had just put up.

We were only halfway through the time he had allotted for her, so I guessed he hadn't managed to finish everything.  
"IV sedation next time, I'm afraid," he told me apologetically, leaving Lilla to fiddle with her numb lip and repeatedly pinch her cheek.  
"Can't we try this again? I'll talk to her and make sure she doesn't bite again," I asked but he gave a shake of his head.  
"If the gas didn't have the desired effect on her today, I don't think it will tomorrow or even next year. Kudos to her though, she most definitely is going to make sure she gets things her way in the future," he said with a small laugh, and it was reassuring to know he wasn't pissed with her. I think I probably would have been pretty pissed if some kid bit me that hard.

"You not gonna apologise, kiddo?" I prompted Lilla as I scooped her up into my arms. She just shook her head, giving Adam a glare. I probably should have been angry at her and told her off for that, but she just looked so God damn cute and I felt weirdly proud of her for standing her ground.

"Make another appointment for a few da-" Adam began but Lilla interrupted him.  
"We're not cwoming bwap," she attempted to say, growing even more grumpy and tearful by the second.  
"I'll phone you tonight and discuss options. I think Princess Lilla wants to get back home," Adam laughed, grabbing a tissue and mopping up Lilla's drool before it could touch me.

I took her home and she ran to bed straight away, slamming the door before I could run after her at human pace. I knew deep down she was going to be grumpy with whoever took her to the dentist, even if it was her beloved Edward, but it was still hard not to take it personally. I gave her some space for a few hours before approaching her room and giving the door a tap. "Carlisle?" She asked hopefully. I sighed.  
"No, it's me. Can I come in?" I asked. She didn't respond or protest so I took that as a yes.

"Got your face back yet?" I asked gently, and she nodded a little but didn't once look up from her DS console.  
"You did so well today, Lil. Well, before the biting anyway… I should have said that earlier." She finally looked up to me. Maybe a bit of praise was all she needed. I didn't do that enough.  
"I'm not going back. I meant that." She mumbled, her face still a little droopy but at least she could talk now.

"Next time it's going to be much easier. Adam will put some medicine in an IV like Carlisle does and you won't have to be aware of anything that's going on," I explained, but she went back to playing on her DS.  
"Lil, come on. That's rude to ignore someone," I warned her, but I'd never really disciplined her before so it had absolutely no effect on her.  
"You don't want me to tell Carlisle or Uncle Eddie on you?" I said sternly, which easily got her attention.  
"They'd take away my DS..." she mumbled.  
"Exactly. You wouldn't want that, would you." I said, and shut the lid of the console, encouraging her to put it down.

"I'm not going back. I'll just kick and scream until you let me go if you try to make me," she mumbled into the duvet, staring down at her twiddling fingers. She had never been good with keeping eye contact with me, so taking away her DS had caused her to become a little nervous and fidgety.  
"Are you purposely trying to make my life difficult? Do you not understand that I hate seeing you upset, and that I hate having to drag my crying little sister to the dentist in my free time? We all have to do things we don't like, Lil," I said quite sternly, causing her to look up at me with a trembling bottom lip.  
"I didn't like it when he laid the chair down flat. You know I didn't because although I couldn't talk because my mouth was all deformed, I cried out for you! I trusted you to protect me, and you did _nothing_." she replied, staring me straight in the eye before quickly diverting her eyes back to the duvet.

"Not everyone can work around what you want. Adam was only able to do the work on your teeth with you in that position, so I had to let him. I was doing what was best for you," I explained, but she shook her head at me.  
"You don't understand, _do you?!_ I told you after the first appointment that the thing I hated most was being out of control. Yet you made me lay down on my back for an hour with sharp things being forced into my mouth, not able to see anything that was going on, and too drugged up to be able to fight back at all. And before you lie to me, I know you drugged me this morning. I knew that was a sedative but I decided to try not to kick up a fuss and to take it to make your lives easier. I don't get a thrill out of being scared. I wanted to stay calm just as much as you wanted me to," she sobbed at me, and I quickly realised just how real her struggle had been. This wasn't just a naughtiness thing; she had genuinely been so scared that she had to bite on Adam to protect herself. I fell silent.

"I couldn't see your face. You didn't even try to talk to me! I thought you were gone, and… I felt so _powerless_. I haven't felt that way since…" she tried to explain, but her sentence drifted off and she never finished it.  
I had been _so stupid_. Edward had mentioned I should warn the dentist she had a history of physical and sexual abuse as she may struggle with certain aspects of the treatment. I hadn't mentioned it to Adam as it seemed irrelevant. Now the whole control thing completely made sense.  
"Since you were back home with your father, huh?" I whispered in response, giving her hand a squeeze. She gave a little teary eyed nod.  
"It brought back memories. And I wanted it to stop and I wanted to protect myself, and I started to feel really panicky... so that's why I bit him. I know he's a nice person and he didn't deserve it, but when I was laid there with the eyes of a man twice my size staring down at me, I just felt so _vulnerable_ and I didn't see any other choice. I don't know if any of this even makes sense, but… I'm sorry I did it and I'm sorry I embarrassed you. I am trying to act normal, I promise," she replied, and I was grateful for her honesty. It wasn't often she talked to me about her past.

"I'm sorry you feel I let you down today. If I had realised for one second that you were really struggling, I would have helped you straight away. Please know that," I whispered. She didn't reply.  
"Lil, do you think it might be good to talk to Edward about this? Like, with him being a doc - he might be a bit better with all the feelings stuff than I am," I suggested but she shook her head quickly. "He'll be mad that I bit someone. Please don't tell him," she pleaded with me and I couldn't say no to those angelic eyes she stared up at me with.  
"We'll leave out that bit, but I think maybe you should talk to him about your fears," I said, but she gave another shake of her head.

"Do I really have to be put to sleep next time?" She asked with a frown. I sighed heavily, there really wasn't any other option.  
"It seems the only way to do it. Does the thought of that make the powerless feeling worse?"  
She nodded slowly and I tried my best to look as understanding as possible.  
"I'll be there. I'll protect you," I whispered but she didn't look very convinced.  
"Would it be ridiculous to ask if I could see a lady dentist instead?" She asked timidly.  
"No, not ridiculous at all. I'm sure we can find someone," I assured her, leaning in to give her a hug which I didn't usually do and it all felt a bit awkward. She seemed to like it though and she climbed up onto my lap and clung to me.

And so, with some help from Carlisle, we sorted her an appointment at a female dentist's office. Carlisle popped a cannula in her arm the night before to avoid any tantrums in the office, whilst I insisted she kept it covered with her sleeve since the look of it gave me the creeps. She was put to sleep whilst sat on my lap and clinging desperately to me. She had managed to get herself all worked up and tearful on the journey there, so sitting her in the big chair was probably best done when she was asleep. There was a lot of work to be done still and it all took a few hours before we woke her again, where she was a drugged up mess who seemed to be on a different planet. The nurse kept handing her an ice pack to hold to her face but she just couldn't quite understand what it was for and tried to hold it to my mouth instead. Communicating with her seemed to have become a lost cause.  
"Your hair... not nice," she attempted to tell me, her words slurry and I struggled to hear her with the amount of gauze stuffed in her mouth.  
"Charming. How would you prefer it then?" I laughed as her hands gripped at my hair, stroking her fingers over my head like a baby.  
"Fwuffy, like Eddie," she said seriously, and it came at no surprise at all that she was comparing me to Edward once again. Her beloved Edward.

Despite her loopiness, she was cleared by the dentist and I was able to carry her to the car, listening to her babble on about random shit that honestly made no sense at all. She burst into tears at one point, accusing me of not listening to her. I had done my best to keep up with nodding along to her random ramblings, but obviously she had realised I wasn't making sense of what she was saying.  
"Kiddo, all I can hear is Eddies name at the moment. You're not making much sense. Talk slower, Lil," I encouraged her. Things finally started to get interesting.

"I kissed Eddie... and now he avoids me. I did bad. I did bad." she sobbed, her head leaning on the car window.  
"Eddie would never avoid you, baby girl. And no, you didn't do anything bad. What do you mean by kissed?" I probed, trying to hush her since her tears were quickly turning into very loud cries. I had never seen her so hysterical before. I really hoped all this sadness was drug induced otherwise she obviously had serious issues.

"I tried to do a proper kiss. Like the ones on the TV. On the lips," she explained, choking on her tears with every word. Jeez, Edward had kept this one quiet. I couldn't help but laugh a little at what she was telling me, causing her to slap me gently with this incredibly cute frown.  
"Sorry kiddo, I just can't understand why you'd choose Eddie. Are my lips not worthy of kissing?" I chuckled, hoping to make light of the situation but it didn't really work and she continued to sob into the window. I was tempted to make a U-turn back to the dentist and get her a top up on the stuff they used to knock her out because I wasn't quite sure what I could do to calm the poor kid. She absolutely adored Edward, and I completely understood why she would be so upset if he was 'ignoring' her as she thought. I didn't quite believe the kissing thing though. Maybe it was all just part of a drug induced delusion?  
"Come on, let's get you home and you can take a nap and everything might feel a little bit better. You always get a little bit grouchy and emotional when you're tired," I tried to comfort her, but likewise with everything I said to women, it was evidently the wrong thing to say because she turned to look at me with this look that made me feel like I had just murdered her pet rabbit or something. I put my foot down and got home as quick as possible, scared to be alone with the little one who looked ready to pounce on me at any time.

I got her home and although she was pretty stubborn at first, I got her into bed and she luckily fell asleep pretty much straight away and I was fortunately spared from her tears for a few hours. She woke pretty confused, becoming scared when she tasted blood in her mouth since she was completely unaware she had even been to the dentist despite her numb cheeks. Our conversation in the car had seemed to be forgotten about too, for when I mentioned Edwards name she didn't react much at all. Her cheeks just went slightly pink and I noticed her divert the topic a little.

It was only when Edward came back in the evening where it was evident that what Lilla had said wasn't all lies.  
"Carlisle's stuck at the hospital late so asked me to give Lilla a little check over. How did it go?" Edward asked me, not once making eye contact with Lilla at all. He quickly and methodically examined her, with each touch of her skin being very quick and clinical. Not that I usually paid much attention to them taking care of her, but it just seemed different this time. No comforting hair strokes to keep her calm, and not a word of praise for staying still.  
"Uh, alright I think. Lil was the one who had to go through it, maybe you should ask her?" I prompted him to make some interaction with the girl who was staring timidly down at the duvet whilst Edward listened to her chest with the stethoscope over the top of her shirt. They always usually made Lilla take her top off for that, so why wasn't he now?

"Did it go okay?" He asked Lilla with a small smile, but his question was pretty closed and Lilla was able to just give him a quick nod to get out of the situation. "Good," he responded bluntly, giving me a smile before he went to leave the room.

"Come here! You haven't been here all week and you think you're going to get away from us that easily?" I called after him, and he looked back with a bit of a smirk.  
"I've got work to do," he replied suspiciously quickly. I could easily have rugby tackled him and carried him back into the room, but I don't think I was really ready to face Lilla's questioning on why I was so strong just yet. Instead I mentally pleaded with him.

_'She told me about what happened. She cried for hours over how you've been ignoring her, and Edward man, that just isn't fair. I can see the way you're trying to avoid touching her at all costs. It was an innocent kiss for God's sake. Let her move on from it.' _

He paused for a while, his eyes looking towards me in defeat. He eventually climbed onto the bed next to her, still keeping a bit of a distance.  
"What film are you watching?" He asked, despite how it was blatantly obvious what it was. She watched Frozen about ten times a week. I appreciated that he was making an effort though. Lilla's eyes looked up to meet his, her cheeks turning such a deep shade of pink that it looked like she was suffocating. He turned his gaze to the television, I guess to give Lilla some privacy to recompose herself.  
"Frozen," she finally replied, not looking up to him once.  
"You love this film don't you," he laughed, subtly pulling Lilla into his side so she could rest her head on his chest.

"Honey, do you want to talk about what happened?" Edward asked in a whisper, and I watched her body tense up and become rigid at the mentioning of it. It didn't look like she did want to talk about it, but I guess Edward was the mind reader.  
"It's very common for patients to develop feelings for their psychiatrist. It's known as transference, and you are not my first patient and definitely won't be my last," he said very calmly, whilst Lilla stayed staring at the duvet looking incredibly awkward.  
"I haven't developed feelings. I don't know what you're talking about," she argued, her voice shaky but she was holding it together pretty well.  
"There's no point denying what happened, honey," Edward whispered, reaching out to stroke her hair which caused her to jerk away.  
"I was just practicing..." she mumbled, growing more and more agitated with each attempt Edward made to comfort her or try to give her a hug.

"I just don't understand. Why do you always touch me all the time if you don't love me back?" She said very bluntly, her eyes wide and teary this time when she seemed to had realised what she had admitted.  
"Sweetheart, there are lots of types of love. The love we have for each other is _family_ love. So yes, we can touch each other and cuddle and kiss each others cheeks. But family love isn't romantic love. Does that make sense?" Edward asked gently, trying to hold her hand but she withdrew it quickly and curled herself into a ball.  
"Family love and romantic love aren't the same?" She asked looking genuinely confused, and she looked to me as if she needed confirmation that what Edward was saying was true. I gave her a slow nod in agreement with Edward.  
"_b-but..._" she tried to argue, and I watched her little body begin to bob up and down as she struggled for air with her crying.  
"I know; _I know_... It's okay. You have every right to be confused." Edward whispered soothingly with this knowing look as if responding to something in her thoughts.  
"It's j-just... I t-thought... b-because of what my d-dad did," Lilla tried to explain but Edward hushed her.  
"I understand honey. You don't have to explain yourself. We don't have to talk about it. Not now, not ever. Not if you don't want to," he comforted her, his lips parted slightly and his eyebrows furrowed in what I had come to recognise as sadness. Whatever he had seen in her head hadn't been nice at all for him to react in that way. Edward could often be a brick wall of emotion so we always knew something had to be seriously wrong if he displayed any sadness.

"If I've developed feelings for my uncle doesn't that make me just as bad as him?" Lilla asked timidly, looking genuinely scared for our reply.  
"No, no. Not at all. This isn't bad or naughty at all, okay? It's an innocent crush, and you're young and you still have many things to learn. What your dad did was entirely different. What he did was illegal, Lilla. He knew that when he did it," Edward explained, and I guess that kind of confirmed my suspicions she had been raped. We had all been suspecting it, but she had never admitted to it understandably.

"So he should be punished, but I won't be, right?" She asked with furrowed brows. Bless her, she still hadn't really understood what punishable behavior was.  
"That's correct. You haven't done anything wrong, baby girl," Edward whispered, giving her hair a comforting stroke at long last.  
"B-because I d-don't l-like it when you punish me. I don't like... your _l-loud v-voices_," she stammered, looking directly at Edward this time. Carlisle and Edward had been trying to be a bit stricter with her lately. She had started sneaking out the house in the middle of the night to sit in the garden for a while. It seemed a little extreme to be shouting at her for something so trivial since Lilla obviously just wanted some independence, but Carlisle had explained she could easily crack her head walking down the stairs or something like that. She swore a lot too, and still occasionally hit us. But it seemed unfair for us to punish her for that too, since it was obviously learnt behavior and it wasn't really harming anyone. This is why I could never be a parent. I was way too lenient with her.

"Sometimes we have to shout so you do get a little scared and you don't make the same mistake again," Edward explained, and I noticed Lilla's hands had begun to tremble slightly.  
"Uncle Eddie's shouts made you wet yourself once, didn't they kiddo," I finally intervened, causing Edward to appear to be mortified. Of course he knew he had been scaring her, but obviously not to that extent. Edward gave her a little nod. "Okay, honey. I hear you," he whispered.  
"Fresh start?" Edward asked, and Lilla gave a little nod.  
"Fresh start."


End file.
